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Murphy visits Paddy 6/22/2010 Murphy visits Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers? "No problem" says Murphy. Upstairs Paddys stunning 19 year old twin daughte 0 Comments, 100 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Old man on his deathbed 6/14/2010 An old man is on his deathbed. He can feel the end isn`t far off when he suddenly notices a wonderful aroma. He realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite food, scones. He finds the 0 Comments, 79 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Man riding his moterbike 5/27/2010 A man was riding his moterbike along a California beach when suddenly in a booming voice God spoke. "Because you have been faithful to me in all ways I`ll grant you 1 wish.""Build me a bridge to Hawai 0 Comments, 110 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Army captain 5/16/2010 An army captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. During inspection he notices a camel tied up outside the mens barracks. He asks a private why its there. The private replies "well sir ther 0 Comments, 144 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Priest walking by a river. 5/5/2010 One day a priest was walking by the river and saw a frog on a lilly pad. "Help me" croaked the frog. "Once I was a beautiful alterboy but an evil witch turned me into a frog, the only way to reverse t 0 Comments, 52 Views, 0 Votes | |
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priest books into a hotel. 5/5/2010 A priest books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk. "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." She replies, "no sir, it`s just regular porn, you sick bastard." 0 Comments, 44 Views, 0 Votes | |
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FINANCIAL PLANNING: THIS WEEKS TIP. 5/3/2010 Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife wit 0 Comments, 92 Views, 0 Votes | |
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teddy bears 4/22/2010 Woman meets a man in a bar and goes back to his place. During the course of the evening whilst passing his bedroom she notices three neat rows of teddy bears sat on wall shelves. On the bottom shelf a 0 Comments, 122 Views, 0 Votes | |
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my mates wife 4/22/2010 My mates wife left him on friday. She said she was off to the shop for a pint of milk and he`s not seen her since. I asked "how are you coping?" He said "not too bad I`ve been using that powdered stuf 0 Comments, 113 Views, 0 Votes | |
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care home visit 4/22/2010 A man goes to visit his father who moved into a care home. "How are you finding it dad?" "Wonderful ! the nurse was giving me a bed bath when I got an erection! She saw it, jumped on the bed and screw 0 Comments, 134 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Two women in cinema 4/20/2010 Two women in the cinema. Janet turned to Sue and said. "the man sitting next to me is having a wank." Sue said "Just ignore him, the dirty bastard." "I can`t he`s using my hand." 0 Comments, 129 Views, 0 Votes | |
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polish joke 4/20/2010 A polish man goes for an eye test. The optician shows him a card with czwixnostacz. Can you read that? The pole says "read it? I know the twat. 0 Comments, 87 Views, 0 Votes | |
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2 Mexicans lost in desert 4/14/2010 2 Mexicans lost in the desert, they see a tree in the distance. As they get near they see it`s draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon, crispy smoked bacon. "Hey Chico" says the 1st mexican."Ees a bac 0 Comments, 120 Views, 0 Votes | |
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mild looking fellow at pearly gates. 3/19/2010 A mild looking fellow appeared before St Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St Peter asked. "Well I can think of one thing". He offered. "On a trip into Nort 0 Comments, 116 Views, 0 Votes | |
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rocket joke(old classic) 3/16/2010 NASA launches a rocket with 2 monkeys and a woman on board. Houston to 1st monkey: "adjust oxygen to 40% and carry out post launch checks". Houston to 2nd monkey: "Throttle back power down engines and 0 Comments, 133 Views, 0 Votes | |
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His & Hers diary 3/14/2010 His & Hers diary. page 1 saturday. HERS. He was quiet, subdued, just not himself. Something was wrong, he hasn`t kissed me all night. Not even looked in my direction. I think it`s another wom 0 Comments, 95 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Woman in a coma 2/15/2010 A woman in a coma for 2 years is having a bed bath when she suddenly responds to touch around the vaginal area. The nurse calls in her husband and advises him that oral sex may wake his wife. The husb 0 Comments, 180 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Police came to my house earlier. 2/13/2010 Police came to my house earlier and said my had chased someone on a bike! I said "fuck off, my hasn`t even got a bike!" 0 Comments, 128 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Jack was dying 1/16/2010 Jack was dying.His wife Becky was at his bedside. "Becky" he said in a tired voice. "There`s something I must confess" "Shh, there`s nothing to confess. Everythings all right". "No Imust die in peace. 0 Comments, 257 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Man walks into a bar 12/14/2009 Man walks into a bar and orders 10 whiskeys. Bar man says "Whats up?" "My youngest just told me he`s gay". Next day he go`s in and orders15 double whiskeys. "Whats up now?" asks the barman. "Just fou 0 Comments, 166 Views, 0 Votes | |
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1 for the ladies. 2/28/2006 Profesor of maths sends wife an e-mail. Dear wife you are 54 years old, you can no longer satisfy my needs so when you read this e-mail I will be at a motel with my 18 year old assistant.I am sorr 0 Comments, 130 Views, 0 Votes | |
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duck goes into a bar 2/28/2006 Duck goes into a bar and asks "have you got any eggs?" The barman says "this is a bar we don`t do eggs". Next day the duck comes back in and asks "have you got any eggs?" The barman says "I told yo 0 Comments, 172 Views, 0 Votes | |
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met a lovely girl last night 2/27/2006 I met a lovely girl last night.She`s got a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh. It`s amazing! If you put your ear to it you can smell the sea. 0 Comments, 225 Views, 0 Votes | |
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2 dwarfs 2/27/2006 2 dwarfs pull 2 women and take them home. The 1st dwarf can`t get it up and to make matters worse all nite he can here the 2nd dwarf saying "here I come again 1 2 3 uh". Next morning the 1st dwarf 0 Comments, 180 Views, 0 Votes | |
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Research 2/25/2006 Researchers have dicovered that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia. Hwoeevr, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse. 0 Comments, 192 Views, 0 Votes | |
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shopping scam. 2/25/2006 Be warned shopping scam.In the supermarket car park while packing shopping in your car, you may be approached by 2 fit 18 year old girls in tight tiny tops.They wash your windscreen with tits hangi 0 Comments, 473 Views, 0 Votes | |
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It`s all a game 7/9/2004 I have found that most people on this site are insincere. I am not being self rightious I include myself in this statement. When I joined I thought everyone was on here for the same reason (how wro 0 Comments, 17 Views, 0 Votes |
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