|
Small World 10/1/2003
Bill and his best friend Scott get together to go golfing.
Well they are playing along at a good pace and they come to
the 10th hole a par three 210 yrds. On the green is a woman
and she hits the ball, then she hits it back across, then
back.
<br>
Scott says to Bill "Go ask her if we can play through
she's holding us up."
<br>
Bill gets in the cart drives halfway ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
43 Votes
,6.56 Score
|
|
Grandchild helps his Grandparents 10/1/2003
Gramps is sitting on the porch one day watching his grandson
play with a worm he found in the yard.
<br>
Gramps walks over to the boy and says " Joe I'll
bet you $5 you can't make that worm go back in his hole."
<br>
Joe tried and tried but the worm kept curling up. Finally
Joe runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray.
He holds the worm and sprays ...
1 Comments, 107 Views,
50 Votes
,7.79 Score
|
|
Viagra variations 9/30/2003
With VIAGRA such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole
line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance
of men in today's society..
<br>
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving
on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions
when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
<br>
PROJECTRA - Men given this ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
|
|
Little Johnny Joke 9/30/2003
Lil Johnny was playing one day in the house cause it was raining
out side, after a while of hearing these wired noises his
mom walked into the room to see what he was doing.
There he was starting back up the stairs, Lil Johnny got
to the top stair and took one step down, the put an m&m candy
in his mouth, had a little kitten on his shoulder and Lil
Johnny leaned over and bit the kitten, ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
12 Votes
,3.15 Score
|
|
Chocolate better than sex! 9/30/2003
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
<br>
1 You can GET chocolate.
2 "If you love me you'll swallow that" has
real meaning with chocolate.
3 Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4 You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5 You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
5 You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
6 ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Two blondes 9/27/2003
Two blondes decided to go to Disneyland. They were almost
there when they saw a sign that read "Disneyland LEFT"
So they turned around and went home.
0 Comments, 8 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
THE ACCIDENT 9/25/2003
Ted was waiting one day for his wife to come home from work.
When she did not show ted got worried. Then the phone rang
and the county sheriff was on it. He exclaimed to Ted that
he had some good news and some bad news. Well what's
the bad news ted asked. Well your wife was involved in a horrible
car accident, she will need help eating and shitting for
the rest of her life. ''Oh my god! ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
What they really mean 9/23/2003
MEN'S ADS- What they say vs. what they really mean!
<br>
40-ish................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic..............Watches a lot of sports on TV
Aims to please....... But can't more than 2 minutes
Average looking.......Unusual hair growth on ears, nose,
& back
Educated..............Will patronize the shit out of
you
Good tongue action ...drools, ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Mickey Mouse In Court 9/22/2003
Mickey Mouse wanted a divorce from Minney but once in front
of the judge, he had a problem since the judge wasn't
going to grant the divorce.
"I can't justify your reasoning. Insanity is
not enough grounds for divorce." Said the judge.
"I didn't say she was insane, " Replied
Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy!"
0 Comments, 26 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
Hold your NOSE 9/21/2003
Question: What do you get when you cross a porcupine and
a
skunk?
<br>
Answer: A s-t-i-n-k-y, s-t-i-c-k-y pussy
0 Comments, 13 Views,
241 Votes
|
|
Blond Handiwoman 9/21/2003
A blond handiwoman is going from door to door looking for
work. She knocks on a door and a husband and wife answer.
She asked if they had any jobs to be done. Husband says "the
porch needs painting.....How much?". Blond says
fifty dollars.usband says OK....the paint is in the garage.
The wife says to the husband "FIFTY DOLLARS??? I don't
think she knows how big the porch is!" Husband says ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
244 Votes
,6.77 Score
|
|
Survey 9/17/2003
A woman was walking down the street when she was stopped
by a man who was carrying out a survey. "Excuse me,
Madam, we're doing a survey on peoples' attitudes
towards sex."
"Really!" said the woman smiling. "Could
you please tell me what you think of sex on the television?"
<br>
"Well, " replied the woman, "I think
it's extremely uncomfortable, especially when you've
got the ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
45 Votes
,1.48 Score
|
|
A SHOT TO THE HEART 9/15/2003
Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly
despondent over the recent death of her long time husband
Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself, and
join Earl. Thinking that it would be best to get it over quickly,
she took out Earl's old Army pistol, and made the decision
to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken
in the first place. Not wanting to ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
25 Votes
,2.91 Score
|
|
how to make a woman happy? 9/12/2003
there are 70 ways to make a woman happy. the 1st is shopping
and the rest is 69.
0 Comments, 17 Views,
49 Votes
,4.32 Score
|
|
liscense 9/9/2003
What kind of license does a lesbian need to get married?
A lick-her license.
0 Comments, 7 Views,
23 Votes
,4.06 Score
|
|
When you are dating 9/5/2003
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing
flammable near your husband...... at all time
<br>
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says
"What are you going to drink?"
<br>
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public
...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
55 Votes
,6.81 Score
|
|
Chocolate better than Sex 9/2/2003
<br>
<br>
TOP TWENTY REASONS WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX:
<br>
1. You can GET chocolate.
<br>
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that"
has real meaning with chocolate.
<br>
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
<br>
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
<br>
5. ...
2 Comments, 49 Views,
34 Votes
,6.39 Score
|
|
Sick newlywed joke 8/31/2003
A young couple go to a nice lakeside resort on their honeymoon.
That evening the old resort owner sees the groom sitting
on the dock fishing. The owner approaches the young man
and says" You know it's none of my business but
it being your wedding night and all should'nt you be
inside making love to your wife?"
The groom responds "I would but she has gonorhea."
The old timer asks "Well how ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
81 Votes
,6.45 Score
|
|
LAUGH ?? - I thought my pants would never dry !! 8/23/2003
A woman is getting ready to go out when, her husband enters
the room.
<br>
"Look at me" she says, "I'm ugly,
overweight, my hair's a mess and this dress looks awfull
on me. Please pay me a compliment darling"
<br>
He replies - "your eyesight is excellent"
0 Comments, 28 Views,
136 Votes
,7.99 Score
|
|
Horny Hippo 8/21/2003
Q. Why do hippopotumuses fuck in water??????
<br>
A. Have you ever tried to keep a 2 pound clitoris wet
0 Comments, 6 Views,
97 Votes
,4.55 Score
|
|
differences-2 8/19/2003
wt is the difference between a man of god and a lady in bath
tub?
<br>
<br>
a man of god has a Soul full of Hope but a lady in bath tub has
Hole full of Soap.
0 Comments, 19 Views,
59 Votes
,2.46 Score
|
|
difference between and frypan and a women 8/18/2003
Q. what's the difference betwenn a women and a frypan?
<br>
<br>
<br>
A. nothing you can stick fat in both of them
0 Comments, 3 Views,
92 Votes
|
|
difference between spaghetti and a women 8/18/2003
Q. what's the difference between spaghetti and a women?
<br>
<br>
<br>
A. nothing they both wiggle when you eat them.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
83 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
gay joke 8/18/2003
How do you fit 4 gay men on a barstool?
<br>
Turn it upside down!
0 Comments, 18 Views,
86 Votes
,6.62 Score
|
|
Small World 8/10/2003
Two best friends are golfing one day. The two ladies ahead
of them are really slow. So Bill says to Tim, "Go up
there and see if they would mind us playing through."
So Tim goes up halfway to the ladies, but returns sheepishly."No
way, man." Bill says, "Why?" Tim replies, "One
of those two ladies is my wife and the other one's my
mistress." So Bill agrees to go. Halfway there, he
also ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
106 Votes
,8.25 Score
|
|
Golfing Buddies 8/7/2003
How do you know if your behind a group of homo-sexuals on
a golf course? When you yell fore they all drop their pants
and bend over.
1 Comments, 28 Views,
51 Votes
,0.46 Score
|
|
Viagra 8/7/2003
1.Man goes to the doctor and asks for a Viagra to make his
wife happy.
2.Doctor recommends to take it one hour before an intercourse.
3.Man's wife usually comes from work at 6.PM
4.Man takes Viagra at 5:55 PM
5. Wife calls home at 6PM, to say that she will be home after
10 PM
6. Man calls the doctor asking what to do?
7. Doctor asks: "Don't you have any neighbor
to use that Viagra ...
2 Comments, 104 Views,
84 Votes
,6.87 Score
|
|
Bar Bouncer 8/7/2003
How do you know if your in a homo-sexual bar? A bouncer throws
you out for farting.
1 Comments, 35 Views,
37 Votes
,0.45 Score
|
|
Physical Examination 8/7/2003
How do you know if your Doctor is a homo-sexual?
<br>
He drops his pants and coughs.
1 Comments, 38 Views,
36 Votes
,0.91 Score
|
|
D. N. A. 8/6/2003
Most women have very intellegent DNA but the hell of it is
95% of them spit it out.
0 Comments, 33 Views,
54 Votes
,5.23 Score
|
|
To be six again! 7/31/2003
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
"I'd love to be six again, " she replied.
<br>
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early
and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put
her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming
Loop, the Wall of Fear - everything there was! Wow!
<br>
Five hours later she ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
65 Votes
,6.93 Score
|
|
Break-Up Revenge 7/30/2003
John and Jenny had been sweethearts since childhood. When
it came to college, however, they unfortunately found
themselves hundreds of miles apart. For a time they attempted
to keep the relationship going, but eventually John found
Jenny growing ever more distant.
<br>
Suspecting that Jenny had started seeing someone John
challenged her on the issue, only to find his worst fears ...
0 Comments, 22 Views,
71 Votes
,8.29 Score
|
|
A blond and a brunette in a bar 7/19/2003
A blond and a brunette are in a bar. The t.v.'s in the
bar have the 10-O-clock news on and there is a story of a man
that is standing on a building ledge about to commit suicide.
The brunette says to the blond, "I'll bet you
$50 he jumps." The blond thinks for a moment and says, "I'll
take that bet." So they watch and sure enough the man
jumps. The blond says as she is handing over a ...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
108 Votes
,7.25 Score
|
|
The donkey 7/17/2003
A bar owner was having financial difficulties so he decided
to have a promotion to make money. He bought a donkey and
put up a sign, "Make the donkey laugh. $1". Well,
people tried everything from telling jokes to making funny
faces. Finally a man entered the bar and gave his dollar
to the bar owner saying, "I can definitely make the
donkey laugh." He walked over to the donkey lifted ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
96 Votes
,7.59 Score
|
|
verticle blinds 7/11/2003
A beautiful blond woman was at her home taking a shower when
the doorbell rang. She was quickly trying to dry herself
off as she asked through the door who it was. The man replied
'I am the blind msn.' So with no harm intended she
drops her towel and gracefully walks to her door nude. Upon
openning her door the man stands with a big smile on his face
and asks 'Where would you like me to ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
67 Votes
,5.94 Score
|
|
Monster 7/10/2003
Q: What's got 100 teeth and keeps the monster away?
<br>
A: My ZIPPER.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
55 Votes
,3.78 Score
|
|
No f***ing in the park. 7/9/2003
For years people went to the local park to have sex. Finally,
some citizens petitioned and a law was passed forbidding
sex in the park. Signs were put up everywhere. One couple
had been having sex in the park since it was built and were
determined to continue. They were going hot and heavy behind
some bushes when a cop came by and arrested them. Three black
men witnessed the couple ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
111 Votes
,7.70 Score
|
|
A Leprechaun goes into a bar...... 7/6/2003
....climbs up on a bar stool, and says, "Bartender,
give me a beer." The Bartender draws him a huge glass
of draft, and sits it in front of him. The leprechaun pays
for the beer, turns it up, and chugs the whole glass. As he
wiped the foam from his chin on his sleeve, he scanned the
occupants of the bar. Once he spotted the biggest man in
the bar, he climbed down from the stool, walked over ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
66 Votes
,5.51 Score
|
|
tip 7/5/2003
A husband gets back home from work to find his wife sitting
in the corner with a very angry look on her face. She points
to a piece of paper she's found in his pocket when doing
the washing and written on it is the name "SARAH".
<br>
Trouble is his wife's name is Karen. She says "
who the hell is Sarah?"
<br>
As quick as a flash he says "it's ok darling Sarah
was the ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
84 Votes
,6.96 Score
|
|
Old Shoe 6/26/2003
Whats the differeance between and old shoe and a old woman?
<br>
Your can eat the old shoe!
0 Comments, 12 Views,
52 Votes
,0.11 Score
|
|
just a cute 1 6/26/2003
<br>
<br>
what is red and white, and has seven dents ?
snow whites cherry
0 Comments, 8 Views,
52 Votes
,2.06 Score
|
|
think about it 6/26/2003
what does kodak cameras and a tampax have in common ? they
both capture that perfect moment
0 Comments, 45 Views,
48 Votes
,0.46 Score
|
|
Hurricane 6/20/2003
Why are women like a hurricane?
<br>
When they come they make a hell of a racket and when they leave
they take the house with them.
1 Comments, 14 Views,
87 Votes
,6.62 Score
|
|
What's the 2 most useless things in the world? 6/20/2003
A man's tits and the Pope's balls.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
154 Votes
,5.73 Score
|
|
Three Men In A Dessert 6/17/2003
<br>
Three men were walking aimlessly in the desert. They came
upon a castle. Dying of thirst, they decided to go into the
castle.
<br>
Inside they found no men, just dozens of beautiful women.
The three men decided to stay (obviously, what man wouldn't).
For a week they enjoyed themselves having sex many times
a day with all of the beautiful women.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
214 Votes
,8.86 Score
|
|
a joke for pure mathmeticians only! 6/13/2003
What do you get if you cross a mountianeer with a scaler?
<br>
Absolutely nothing, you can't cross a scalar with
anything, it's an inverse matrix!!!
<br>
cue laughter from mathmeticians only
0 Comments, 17 Views,
74 Votes
,1.58 Score
|
|
hairless 6/11/2003
what do you do after eating bald pussy?
<br>
Put the diaper back on!!!
0 Comments, 9 Views,
118 Votes
|
|
STORK 6/11/2003
IF A WHITE STORK DELIVERS A WHITE BABY
<br>
AND
<br>
IF A BLACK STORK DELIVERS A BLACK BABY
<br>
WHAT DELIVERS NO BABY ?
<br>
ANSWER
<br>
A GOOD SWALLOW
0 Comments, 17 Views,
54 Votes
,6.99 Score
|
|
69 6/10/2003
A young guy goes to a bar. He meets a mature woman who invites
him to her house. When they get there, they start kissing
and getting naked. After a while she asked him: "what
would you like to do?" Being a virgin he wasn't
too sure and told her that anything was okay with him. She
told him to lay on the bed, that they would do a 69. She then
climbed on top of him in a 69 position. After a ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
97 Votes
,7.91 Score
|
|
Geisha 6/7/2003
A businesman, visiting Japan, is taken to the local Geisha
house by his japanese host. after a great meal and lots of
Sake, the amorous businessman chooses a lovely young Geisha
and of they go. He sticks it in and she begins moaning "Osotugari,
osotugari!". Harder and harder he pumps, "Osotugari"
she yells. His large western dick pumping into her until
he comes.
<br>
The next ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
79 Votes
,7.25 Score
|
|
why women dont fart 6/7/2003
why dont women fart?
<br>
they cant keep their mouths shut long enough to build up
pressure
0 Comments, 6 Views,
107 Votes
,7.45 Score
|
|
First Assignation 5/29/2003
By first assignation, I mean the first time that I ever met
a woman expressly for the purpose of having sex. I had written
to many women on BookofSex.com in the weeks since I joined but only received
a handful of replies. Finally, I began to get somewhere
with one particular woman. We exchanged photos and I was
thrilled with her appearance. She was in her mid 40’s—a
couple of years ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
87 Votes
,7.34 Score
|
|
Total Rejection 5/28/2003
What is total rejection?
<br>
Thats when your jerking off and your hand fall asleep....
2 Comments, 80 Views,
93 Votes
,6.80 Score
|
|
Pregnant woman 5/26/2003
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light
bulb?
<br>
You can unscrew a light bulb.
0 Comments, 18 Views,
86 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
naked downtown 5/25/2003
This guy is standing on a corner in the middle of town, naked,
looking around. A cop pulls up and arrests him for exposure.
He asks the man to explain what he's doing standing
there like that. He' say's "It's like
this officer. I was at this party, and someone suggested
all the women take their clothes off. They did! Then someone
suggested that all the men take their clothes off too. We ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
120 Votes
,4.05 Score
|
|
Pussy and Parsley 5/24/2003
Do you know the difference between pussy and parsley?
<br>
Nobody eats parsley!
0 Comments, 10 Views,
86 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Old couple 5/24/2003
An old couple were having dinner in an italian restaruant.
The old man looks at his wife and gets an evil grin on his face.
<br>
"You 'member the first time were here?"
He asks.
<br>
"I sure do. We made love like animals against the fence
in the back." She replied.
<br>
"You wanna do it again?" He asks.
<br>
She only laughed and said, "Follow ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
148 Votes
,8.56 Score
|
|
Two men 5/20/2003
A man is hanging from the edge of the Empire State Building
and across town another man is getting head from a 98 year
old woman with no teeth. What advice would you give them
both??? Don't look down
0 Comments, 22 Views,
54 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her 5/16/2003
Dear ,
<br>
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't
read fast. We don't live where
we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most
accidents happen
within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able
to send you the
address as the last Arkansasfamily that lived here took
the numbers with
them for their new house, so they wouldn't have to change ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
146 Votes
,7.67 Score
|
|
Dr., lawyer, and a priest 5/14/2003
A doctor a lawyer and a priest were standing out side a burning
school house the Dr. said help someone save the .
The lawyer said FUCK!!! the , The priest look
at him and said do we have the time?????
0 Comments, 7 Views,
89 Votes
,5.52 Score
|
|
Da bloody mary 5/11/2003
How do you know when a female bartender doesn't like
you?
<br>
<br>
<br>
They'll be a tampon in your bloody mary!
0 Comments, 6 Views,
53 Votes
,0.99 Score
|
|
Intelligent Blond 5/9/2003
What do you call an intelligent blond?
GOLDEN RETRIEVER
0 Comments, 9 Views,
109 Votes
,7.21 Score
|
|
Olympic Condoms 5/7/2003
A man comes home with a huge grin on his face & says to
his wife, Hey Honey why don't you run upstairs &
put on something sexy, I got a real treat for you, I just
bought a pack of those new Olympic condoms & I'm
going to wear the Gold one for you tonight, She looks at him
with a sarcastic grin then says, Sure thing honey but why
don't you wear the Silver one instead & come second
for a ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
130 Votes
,7.85 Score
|
|
Village Moron goes into the bar .. 5/4/2003
The village moron goes into the bar, says Hi to the barman,
orders his drink. Dave the barman greets him and says ..
Your looking pretty pleased with yourself tonight Mike,
what have you been up to? " Well Dave, I am". "You
know I live near the railway line don't you"?
"Yes"says Dave. "I was on my way home the
other night, and I saw this beautiful blonde tied up on the
railway tracks". ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
107 Votes
,4.08 Score
|
|
Honeymoon 5/4/2003
A couple arrives at their honeymoon suite and starts to
get undressed. The groom removes his shoes and sox, and
his wife starts laughing. He asks what she is laughing at,
and she says your toes. He says when I was a boy I had toelio.
She says you mean polio, and he says no, I had toelio. He removes
his trousers, and she starts laughing again. Now whats
so funny, he asks. Your knees, she ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
79 Votes
,3.57 Score
|
|
The old folks 5/3/2003
A husband and wife had been married many many years. They
made an appointment with their Dr. because it seemed like
they were always tired. The Dr. took both of them and gave
them each a thorough checkup. Then, he took them both into
his office to give them the news. He starts out by telling
them that he sees only 1 reason that they are so tired all
the time.
At your age, you have got to ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
71 Votes
,6.87 Score
|
|
High Sperm Count??????????? 4/30/2003
Q: How do you know if a man has a high sperm count?
<br>
A: On account of the fact that you have to chew before you
swallow
<br>
0 Comments, 28 Views,
66 Votes
,4.51 Score
|
|
Woman goes into a bar .. 4/29/2003
This woman goes into a bar, sits on one of the stools, and
asks the barman for two beers. He serves her the two beers.
He watches her, she slowly drinks one, but tips the other
one in her lap. She leaves. Next day, she comes in again,
orders two beers, the barman again watches her drink one,
and tip the other one in her lap. Again she leaves. Third
day, comes into the bar, same order, ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
56 Votes
,0.17 Score
|
|
blow job 4/28/2003
male whale was swimming with a friendly famale whale when
he Knoticed a wahing ship on the high seas. he told his partner
that he hated whaling ships and that they ought to swim underneath
and blow as hard as they could until the ship broke into pieces.
this they agreed to but as the ship broke up many sailors
were tossed overboard . come said the male whale, lets bite
and kill those ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
46 Votes
,2.59 Score
|
|
An 80 yr old vigan lady goes to her doctor complaing of an itch in her crotch. 4/21/2003
The docotor dosn't want to have to look so he tells her
it's probably just the crabs. "what's that
?", she asks and he explains it. "no way, Im a
virgin." doc says "how in hell are you still
a virgin at 80 ? If i have to go in and look and all I find is the
crabs, i'm going to charge you double. she gets all
upset and leaves. 2nd day second doctor. "please
help me, i'm an 80 yr.old virgin ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
60 Votes
,4.24 Score
|
|
woman looks like 4/19/2003
Woman at 18 is like FOOTBALL, 22 men after her. At 28 BASKETBALL,
10 men after her. At 38 GOLFBALL , one man after her. At 48
TENNIS BALL, 2 men pushing her to other.
0 Comments, 101 Views,
70 Votes
,3.84 Score
|
|
chinese couple has black baby... 4/17/2003
a chineses couple has a black baby.. what should they name
it??
<br>
sum tin wong .
<br>
9 months later, she has a white baby. husband files for a
divorce, and gets everything he asks for from the judge
. why is this fair ?
<br>
<br>
two wongs dont make a white
0 Comments, 51 Views,
87 Votes
,5.53 Score
|
|
Why Do Women Have 2 Sets Of Lips? 4/15/2003
Why do women have 2 sets of lips??
<br>
Because they always like to "piss and moan"
at the same time  ~yooperemt~
0 Comments, 14 Views,
85 Votes
,5.18 Score
|
|
Alice limerick 3/31/2003
There once was a lady named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Dallas
2 Comments, 22 Views,
28 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Fellow from Kent 3/31/2003
There once was a fellow from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
So instead of cumming he went!
3 Comments, 33 Views,
18 Votes
,2.85 Score
|
|
Limerick 3/30/2003
There was a young lad from Nantucket.
With a peter so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he whiped off his chin,
If t'would bend up my ass I would fuck it!
0 Comments, 10 Views,
36 Votes
,4.36 Score
|
|
Gates 3/25/2003
"the Rich"
<br>
come to gates wreaking of wealth.
Peter enters choking out the words,
"smells like dirty laundry".
NO, that is impossible, I've always had the finest
or should I say, the cleaniness goods.
Peter replies, slow down boy, I was just needling.
1 Comments, 44 Views,
26 Votes
|
|
Gates 3/25/2003
<br>
Musician:come to gates ringing the bell.
Peter:"don't do that, it's not time to
eat, besides,
we don't want the angels to hear you".
Musician play that bad?
Peter:"that bad, you were killing them down there,
man"!
1 Comments, 47 Views,
18 Votes
|
|
Gates 3/25/2003
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
Minister:comes to the gates calling out, "anybody
home"?
Peter:"nobody home, come back after the mail arrives".
Minister:when the mail arrives?
Peter:"yes, when the mail arrives"?
Minister no, let me explain?
Peter:"send your explanation to the Lord, you can
...
1 Comments, 27 Views,
16 Votes
|
|
Gotta take a shit first 3/19/2003
A man is on a flight from Toronto to Los Angeles. As they take
off, the captain comes on the P.A. system and says "This
is your captain John Smith speaking. I'd like to take
the time to thank you for flying Air Canada, flight 666 from
Toronto to Los Angeles. We will be flying at 35, 000 feet
with an air speed of 650 miles per hour. If any of you have
further questions about the flight, just ...
1 Comments, 233 Views,
63 Votes
,7.04 Score
|
|
MEN & WOMEN 3/17/2003
Why do MEN walk more and WOMEN talk more ???????
GUESS???? GUESS WHY ????? It is realy easy !!!!! Because
MEN have THREE legs and WOMEN have FOUR lips.
1 Comments, 57 Views,
47 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
Deaf girl 3/16/2003
Man marries deaf girl. He mimes: “let’s make a code: if I
want sex, I will squeeze your breast. In response, u can
pull my penis, once for yes, and 50 times for no.”
0 Comments, 57 Views,
80 Votes
,7.46 Score
|
|
Nuns Vacation 3/15/2003
Three nuns preparing for an outside mission were told by
the preist that they must first purify themselves if they
had touched any private parts of a man by washing their hands
in the holy water. The first shyly walked up and washed her
fingers in the water and said "it was just once"
the preist asked the second to proceed when all of the sudden
the third pushed her out of the way and ran ...
1 Comments, 61 Views,
41 Votes
,7.00 Score
|
|
Treatment of Viagra 3/14/2003
Teacher in class asked the : who knows for what is the
viagra?
One raised his hand and say: "for diarrhea sir!"
Teacher said:" how did you know?"
replay: "last night I heard my mother shout to
dad take a tablet of viagra may be your bloody shit will stop”.
0 Comments, 38 Views,
39 Votes
|
|
First Blow Job 3/14/2003
Fellow walks into a bar, sits down and demands of the bartender,
" Joe, gimme two shots of Jack Daniels."
Joe pours the shots and the customer drinks them.
"Joe, gimme two more shots, and hurry!"
Joe pours two more and says, "Gee, Tom you usually
only drink beer."
Tom replies, "Yeah, that's right but I need two
more shots. FAST!!"
Joe pours the next two and asks, " Well why the ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
66 Votes
,4.93 Score
|
|
Double Duty 3/12/2003
A woman is going at it with her husband's best friend
one af
ternoon when suddenly the phone rings.she hops out of bed
to
answer it, ''hello... OK, BYE''.
''Who was that?''ask the guy.
''just my husband, '' she replies.
''Oh, shit.i'd better get going.did he
say where he was?is he coming home?''
''Dont worry, ''says the wife.''he
said he's down at the bar playing a few games of pool ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
47 Votes
,7.18 Score
|
|
Look O'The Irish 3/12/2003
Wath's green, two miles long, and has an asshole
every two feet?
A:THE ST.PATRICK DAY PARADE.
0 Comments, 6 Views,
20 Votes
,0.70 Score
|
|
WHERE DOES VIRGIN WOOL COME FROM? 3/12/2003
UGLY SHEEP.
0 Comments, 10 Views,
19 Votes
,3.26 Score
|
|
teddy bears 3/12/2003
An attractive woman is sitting in a bar when she sees a man
she just has to meet. She signals the waitress and buys him
a beer. The man joins her and they start talking. One thing
leads to another and the next thing she knows she is in his
apartment and things are getting steamy. They head for
the bedroom and she gets the shock of her life. The room is
FILLED with teddy bears. Big ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
29 Votes
,6.05 Score
|
|
BILL GATES 3/11/2003
What did the say to Bill Gates while he was undressing??
"Now I know why you called it Microsoft!"
0 Comments, 34 Views,
40 Votes
,6.51 Score
|
|
Santa Clause 3/11/2003
A small boy wrote to Santa Clause "send me a brother"
Santa Clause wrote back " send me your mother"
0 Comments, 16 Views,
21 Votes
,5.85 Score
|
|
worms 3/11/2003
Little Tommy was playing with an earthworm in the back of
his grandparents' house. Grandpa comes out and watches
him for a while. Then he says, "Tommy, I bet ya five
dollars you can't get that worm to go back in the hole."
Tommy thinks for a minute, then goes in to the house. He comes
out a minute later with Grandma's hairspray. He holds
the worm by one end, sprays it with hairspray, ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
16 Votes
,4.30 Score
|
|
understanding women 3/11/2003
A man is shipwrecked on a desert island, and walks the beach
every morining to see is anything useful has washed up.
One morning he finds a lamp. He figures what the hell, and
sure enough, when he rubs it out pops the genie. "I
will grant your wish, oh Master", says the genie.
The man thinks for a bit, then says, "Ya know, I have
been here for a couple of years, and this island is not ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
52 Votes
,8.41 Score
|
|
Little Johnny and Grandma take a walk 3/9/2003
Little Johnny and his grandmother were walking around
town one day when they came across two dogs fucking on the
sidewalk. Johnny asked his grandmother what they were
doing. She was very embarrassed so she said "The top
hur his paw so the one underneath him is carrying him
to the doctor." Johnny looked at her and said "They're
just like people are'nt they?" "What do
you mean?" grandma ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
79 Votes
,8.53 Score
|
|
Blind Flight 3/9/2003
A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he realized
that something was wrong. He made his way up to the cockpit
but could get no response from the pilot. He felt around
until he located the radio "Help Me! Help Me! I'm
blind, the pilot is dead, and we are flying upside down"
he screamed into it. The Tower comes back and asks him "How
do you know your upside down?" The blind man ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
37 Votes
,7.05 Score
|
|
A blind rabbitt and skunk 3/9/2003
A blind rabbit ran across a blind skunk in the woods one day
and asked the skunk what type of animal he was. The skunk
says he has always been blind and don't know and the
rabbit says he can't tell what he is either. They decide
to feel of each other and try to figure out what they are.
The skunk feels the rabbit and says well you have very long
ears and a soft fluffy round tail. The rabbit ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
64 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Miracles of woman 3/9/2003
4 miracles of a woman 1. getting wet without taking a SHOWER
2.Bleeding without getting HURT 3. Giving milk without
eating GRASS & Making Bonless flesh HARD
0 Comments, 35 Views,
32 Votes
,5.30 Score
|
|
best friend 3/9/2003
wife : if i sleep with your best friend what is the first the
first thing comes to ur mind?
husband; that you are a lesbian.
0 Comments, 44 Views,
30 Votes
,6.47 Score
|
|
two drunks 3/9/2003
two drunks are sitting outside of a bar without the price
of a drink between them. one has an idea..."lets get
a hotdog, i will put it down my pants, and when the bartender
tells us the price, you drop to your knees, pull out the hotdog,
and pretend to give me a blowjob. we'll get thrown out
for queers!" the other drunk agrees and they go to
the first bar. the first drunk orders two ...
1 Comments, 42 Views,
26 Votes
,5.61 Score
|
|
Truck Driver 3/7/2003
A truck driver walked into a house in Vegas , he put
$1000.00 down and told the madam he wanted a meanest, nastyest
fatest , in the place, the madan said mister for a thousand
you can have the best looking woman in the house, he said
mam you dont understand im not horny im homesick!!
1 Comments, 97 Views,
87 Votes
,7.26 Score
|
|
the ed zachery disease 3/5/2003
A lady approached a doctor one day and asked if he could help
her. When asked the problem, she explained that she had
tried everything possible but couldn't get laid.
He then explained to her that he couldn't help her but
there was an oriental doctor he knew, Dr. Shotokan, that
could. She goes to him and tells him the same and asked what
the problem was and why she could't get laid. He ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
24 Votes
,5.97 Score
|
|
Little Johnny being bad again ..... 3/4/2003
Little Johnny came home from school and told his Dad he had
been kicked out of math class.....
<br>
"What for?"
<br>
"The teacher asked me what was 2x3 and I said 6."
<br>
"You were right!"
<br>
"I know, but then she asked me what was 3x2."
<br>
"What's the fucking difference?!?!???"
<br>
"Well Dad, that's what I asked her just ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
65 Votes
,7.89 Score
|
|
The Fly 3/4/2003
Deep, ,, Deep in the mountains near a mountain stream a
Bear stands and watches the fish swim buy. The bear notices
a fly buzzing a foot above the water and sees an eager trout
eyes the fly. He thinks to himself, you know if that fly would
just drop about 5 inches that fish would jump out of the water
and eat the fly. When the fish jumps I could snatch him up
and eat him.
An eager coyote ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
23 Votes
,6.16 Score
|
|
taxidermist 2/24/2003
There was a taxidermist who was the only survivor of a plane
crash in the midddle of the Australian outback. He wandered
for days, with no food or water to sustain him. Finally,
by chance, he came upon a pub in the middle of nowhere. He
runs in and orders a tall glass of milk. The guys all look
at him and one growls, "Milk...what kind of drink is that
for a man. Just what in the hell ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
|
|
the man 2/20/2003
As a man gets off work one day. He gets on the elevator at the
36th floor. On his way down the elevator stops and this beautiful
blonde gets on the elevator with him. As they both go down
to the 1st floor an earthquake shakes the buliding and the
cable on the elevator breaks. Here they are falling to their
deaths. The women turns to the man and asks him to make her
feel like a women for the ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
17 Votes
,4.68 Score
|
|
Barroom Football 2/17/2003
A big, mean redneck was sitting in the local bar when a small,
effeminate guy walks in and sits down next to him. "Look
here, fella, I don't drink with no faggots! Get the hell
out of here, " he yells. The small guy replies very calmly, "I
have every right to be here. Let's play barroom football,
and the loser has to leave, OK?" "What's barroom football?"
asks the redneck. "It's ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
44 Votes
,4.20 Score
|
|
Laziest Man 2/9/2003
<br>
A boy after having finished fucking a girl asked her who
do you think is the laziest man in the world? She said it is
him who puts his cock in my cunt and waits for the earthquake
to jerk him
0 Comments, 22 Views,
60 Votes
|
|
High wires and old women 2/4/2003
On one side of the world there is a man walking on a tightrope
over a 4, 000 ft. deep gorge. At the same time on the other
side of the world, a man is getting a blowjob from an 85 year
old woman with no teeth.
What is going through both of their minds at the same time?
<br>
DON'T LOOK DOWN !!!!!
1 Comments, 77 Views,
43 Votes
,5.96 Score
|
|
An Ostrich and a Cat 2/4/2003
A guy, an ostrich and a cat go into a bar. The guy says to the
barman 'I'll have a pint of Guiness please' The ostrich
says 'I'll have the same please' and the cat says 'I'll have
a whisky, but I'm not paying'. So they get their drinks and
the man pulls out the exact money to pay for them.
The next week, the same trio go into the bar. The man says
'I'll have a brandy', the ostrich says ...
1 Comments, 58 Views,
58 Votes
,6.58 Score
|
|
Steering Wheel 1/26/2003
Irish guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel down the
front of his pants.
The bartender says "Hey, why do you have a steering wheel
down the front of your pant?"
The man replies "Ei, is drivin' me nuts."
0 Comments, 7 Views,
94 Votes
|
|
The Accountant 1/21/2003
A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening that reads:
<br>
Dear Wife,
I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will
be at the Red Roof Inn with my beautiful and sexy 18
year old secretary.
<br>
When he arrives at the hotel there was a letter waiting
for him that read as follows:
<br>
Dear Husband,
I too am 54 ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
152 Votes
,8.34 Score
|
|
Old Boat! 1/16/2003
Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner
of a dilapidated
old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day
that Joe's boat
sank.
<br>
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe a mistook him
for John.
She said, 'I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just
feel terrible.'
<br>
Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, ...
1 Comments, 59 Views,
140 Votes
,8.05 Score
|
|
12 inch piano player 1/9/2003
A man wearing a backpack walked into a bar. He sat down and
asked the bartender "If I play the most beautiful music
you've ever heard, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender
said "Sure, but it better be the best I've ever heard." So
the man pulls out of his backpack a 12 inch little man who
gets up and plays the most beautiful song the bartender
has ever heard. "That was great! ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
71 Votes
,7.16 Score
|
|
It's my arthritis, sonny......... 1/6/2003
A guy was cruising the bars trying to get laid in order to
win a $500 bet with a golfing buddy. He absolutely had to
get laid, but was striking out left and right. Just before
closing time he spotted this very very old woman at the bar
who was looking around the room expectantly.
<br>
He introduced himself and told her the whole deal, and promised
her he would do absolutely ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
64 Votes
,4.18 Score
|
|
Elevator 1/5/2003
A Blond and a Brunette are standing in an elevator when a
man wearing a suit walks in. This man has absolutely the
worst dandruff in the history of the world. It's all over
his shoulders and everything. A few floors later he gets
off. The Brunette turns to the Blond and says "Somebody
should REALLY give that man some Head & Shoulders." The
Blond turns to the Brunette and says "How do ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
50 Votes
,4.43 Score
|
|
ping pong balls 1/1/2003
There were three men bidding for the hand of a princess.
The king said well i will test you all, go out and find me all
the ping pong balls you can and the man with the most will
get the hand of my . so after a while the first man
comes back and he has 33 ping pong balls. Good said the king
33 will be hard to beat. the second man arives and he has 102
ping pong balls oh my lord said the ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
27 Votes
,2.71 Score
|
|
eggs 12/20/2002
A couple was celebrateing their 60th wedding aniversity
and they are having dinner and talking about their life
with each other over the years when the husband asked, I
have always wondered what you keep in the hope chest that
you got at our wedding I have never seen whats in it.The wife
says no problem I'll show you. So they go into the bedroom
and she unlocks the chest and opens it up. ...
5 Comments, 136 Views,
127 Votes
,7.22 Score
|
|
moral 12/15/2002
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able
to get to the top of that tree, " sighed the turkey. "But
I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble
on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed
with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and
found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach
the first branch of the tree. The next ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
100 Votes
,6.43 Score
|
|
Another Limerick 11/30/2002
On Saturn the sexes are three
Which is quite awkward you'll agree
To perform Con Brio
It requires a Trio
and it even takes two for a pee
2 Comments, 27 Views,
43 Votes
|
|
alien sex study 11/27/2002
There is a couple that's spending a relaxing summer night
at their cabin in the middle of nowhere when a spaceship
lands in their front yard. Out from the spaceship come an
alien couple. They introduce themselves and say they are
exploring the cosmos and would like to know more about humans.
The earthlings invite them inside where they all swap stories
about each others homeworlds. Well ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
136 Votes
,6.58 Score
|
|
BEDROOM GOLF 11/21/2002
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
<br>
1. Each player should furnish his own equipment for play
- normally one club
and two balls.
<br>
2. Play on the course should be approved by the owner of the
hole.
<br>
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the
hole and keep
the balls out.
<br>
4. For most effective play, the club should ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
162 Votes
,7.88 Score
|
|
Male Rules (Lady's Take Note) We always hear 11/21/2002
<br>
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
<br>
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
<br>
1. Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing
of the tides. Let it be.
<br>
1. Don't cut your ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
221 Votes
,8.45 Score
|
|
Scottish Footie 2006 11/21/2002
Fast forward to 2006 - it is just before Scotland v Brazil
at the next World Cup Group game. Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian
changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this
game. We know
it's important but it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and
we can't be bothered".
Ronaldo looks at them and says ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
27 Votes
,1.87 Score
|
|
Muffin joke 11/19/2002
Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin turns, and
says to the other "man it's hot in this oven". The other muffin
turns as says "HOLY SHIT ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!"
0 Comments, 8 Views,
80 Votes
,0.03 Score
|
|
women and cows 11/12/2002
Why did god give women one more brain cell than a cow?---So
they dont shit on the floor when you play with their tits
0 Comments, 3 Views,
139 Votes
,4.21 Score
|
|
Bar Joke 11/11/2002
A man walked into a bar and sat at the counter down a ways from
a lady. When the bartender came over to him he said he wanted
to buy that douche-bag over there a drink. The bartender
said excuse me, but we treat women like ladies in here. The
guy said OK, but I still want to buy that douche-bag over
there a drink. The bartender figured the only way to shut
this guy up was to get a drink ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
85 Votes
,1.48 Score
|
|
POKER VIBRATOR PHONE 11/8/2002
A GUY PICKED UP HOME SOME CHICKS FOR THREESOME.WHILST THEY
WEREIN SESSION HIS MOBILE PHONE STARTED RINGING AND INTERRUPTING
HIS FUN GAME SO HE SET TO VIBRATOR LEVEL5.AFTER HE FINISHED
WITH THESE GIRLS ONE OF JUST PICKED
HAND SET WRAPPED A CONDOM SHEE ROUND IT AND INSERTED IT INTO
HER CUNT.THE GUY MADE A FRANTIC EFFORT TO TRACE THE CULPRIT
AND THEY ALL READILY ALLOWED HIM TO SEARCH THEM ...
2 Comments, 42 Views,
91 Votes
|
|
firm it up 11/7/2002
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his
wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "You know if you
firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this
was on the edge of intolerable, she controlled her anger
and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the
breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could
get rid of ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
144 Votes
,8.06 Score
|
|
rednecks new pickup truck 11/3/2002
billy bob ask earl "how did you get a new truck"
earl" sue ellen gave it to me"
billy bob " why did sue ellen give you aher truck"
well she drove me out to the woods striped off all her clothes
and told me to take what i wanted so i took the truck"
billy bob " good thing you diddnt take the clothes they would
have never fir you"
0 Comments, 18 Views,
49 Votes
,4.05 Score
|
|
WIFE'S NEW JOB 10/31/2002
Harry came home with the bad news from his doctor, "Either
you stop work immediately or you will be dead" the doctor
told him. Harry and his wife were like most people they had
bills and hadn't saved much money. His wife Amy was very
pretty but not smart at all. After numerous attemps at finding
and keeping a job both of them realized that there was only
one job she was really good at, and ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
246 Votes
,0.10 Score
|
|
Shemale golfer 10/25/2002
Why a shemale golfer refuse to play with any male golfer?
Ans....She already have two balls of her own to play with
ahd can get a hole-in-one anytime she like!!
2 Comments, 76 Views,
50 Votes
|
|
Playing a 10/20/2002
A man has been on a deserted island for ten years. One day
he see's a beautiful woman in a wet suit swim onto his beach.
She comes up to him and asks, "when was the last time you had
a drink?" "It's been ten years", he replies. She zips open
a pocket on her wet suit and pulls out a flask of brandy. The
man takes a big swig and say's he is in heaven. "When was the
last time you had a ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
100 Votes
,4.68 Score
|
|
infection 10/19/2002
Why does God give women yeast infections?
<br>
<br>
<br>
So they know what its like to live with an irritated CUNT!
0 Comments, 18 Views,
131 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
did the budgie get loose last night 10/11/2002
A little lad says to his mom – did the budgie get loose last
night?
His mom says no – why do you ask?
The says – well I went to the toilet last night and I heard
dad saying – should I let it go or catch it in my shirt!
0 Comments, 8 Views,
7 Votes
,0.75 Score
|
|
family reunion 10/5/2002
At a family reunion, two grandsons decide to play a prank
on grandpa. So they drop a viagra in his drink. After grandpa
drinks it, he tells the boys that he needs to go pee. When
he comes back, he is soaking wet from the waist down. The
boys ask him what happened to him. He replies, "When I pulled
it out to pee, it didn't look it was mine, so I put it back."
0 Comments, 80 Views,
92 Votes
,7.07 Score
|
|
Needs a Prom Dress 9/30/2002
Jenny came home one day all excited, " Daddy, daddy I got
asked to the prom by a really cute guy today. Wouls you please
buy me a prom dress?"
"Sure, " was her fathers reply, "just as you get down on
your knee's and suck old papa's cock!"
" Dad you're disgusting!" she screamed stomping out of
the room.
<br>
The next day the same scenario went down. She came home,
begged her ...
0 Comments, 163 Views,
137 Votes
,0.16 Score
|
|
gross 9/30/2002
whats grosser than gross? Finishing your bloody mary and
finding a string at the bottom of your glass
0 Comments, 10 Views,
111 Votes
|
|
3 Mice 9/28/2002
3 mice were in a bar, drinking and bragging about how tough
they were. After downing a shot of bourbon and slamming
the glass on the bar, the 1st mouse said:"When I see a mousetrap,
I lay on my back, set it off with my foot, catch the bar in my
teeth, bench press it 30 times to build up an appetite, then
snatch the cheese and eat it". The 2nd mouse, after downing
2 shots of tequila and ...
2 Comments, 71 Views,
178 Votes
,8.17 Score
|
|
rectum stretcher 9/22/2002
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only ten mph
over the limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting
on top of a bridge. The cop pulled me over, He walked up to
the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?". I replied, "I'm
late for work." "Oh yeah, " said the cop, "what do you do?",
I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop said "What...a
rectum stretcher, and what does a ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
88 Votes
,8.92 Score
|
|
:Best Goalkeeper 9/18/2002
During the recently held World Cup Soccer a team of jury
was formed to decide the Best Goalkeeper. Members of the
jury deliberated a lot anf ultimately decided about the
best goalkeeper as woman. On being asked to name the reasons
they had the following to say:-
<br>
"Look you can't put the balls in how so hard you may try"
0 Comments, 11 Views,
733 Votes
|
|
5 floors? 9/9/2002
5 ladies were hangin´out in Vegas late @ night. And suddenly
they saw a hotel with a big neon sign: "Hotel for women only".
They all said in a choir: "WOAW! Let's check this shit out"!
So they went into the lobby and walked infront of the handsome
male receptionist. And curiously asked what this place
"for women only" was all about.
The recepionist replied:
-"Well, Why not take the ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
305 Votes
,1.26 Score
|
|
Why women don't fart 6/29/2002
Women don't fart because they can't keep their mouth shut
long enough to build up pressure.
5 Comments, 42 Views,
626 Votes
,7.32 Score
|
|
Little Red Riding Hood 6/25/2002
Little Red Riding Hood is getting ready to go to her grandmother?s
house when her mother tells her ?Now you be careful Little
Red Riding Hood, the Big Bad Wolf is out there and he?s gonna
make you pull down your little red panties so he can fuck
the shit out of you.? With this Little Red Riding Hood says,
?Relax mom, I have it taken care of, you don?t need to worry, ?
and she takes off out ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
90 Votes
,7.51 Score
|
|
Nursery School 6/13/2002
3 little boy's are on their first day at nursery school.
The only thing that scare's them id the stern teacher "Now
you are all at big school you will all talk like adults" she
growled. She asked the first boy what he did at the weekend?
"I went to my Nana's Miss" he replied. "It's not Nana's it's
grandmothers, talk like an adult" she replied.
She asked the second boy what he did at the ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
658 Votes
|
|
another blonde joke... 6/5/2002
Whats the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
268 Votes
,7.00 Score
|
|
silent treatment 5/30/2002
A husband and wife were having problems one evening and
were giving one another the silent treatment. Being a heavy
sleeper, the man realized that he would need his wife to
wake him at 5:00 AM the next morning for an early morning
business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence (AND LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." <br>
...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
108 Votes
,7.08 Score
|
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what do you have when you hold a green ball in each hand? 5/28/2002
a great hold on the jolly green giant...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
144 Votes
|
|
God and Eve 5/27/2002
One day Eve was washing her beaver in the river, when all
of a sudden God spoke down to Eve and said ?Eve you shouldn?t
be washing in that river I will never be able to get the smell
out of those fish.
4 Comments, 60 Views,
34 Votes
,2.97 Score
|
|
Creation of a PUSSY! 5/26/2002
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine created a pussy to
their design. First was a Butcher, smart with wit, using a knife he gave
it a SLIT. Second was a Carpenter, strong and bold, with hammer and
chisel, he gave it a hole. Third was a Tailor, tall and thin, with a piece of red velvet
he lined it within. Fourth was a Hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fur
he lined it without. Fifth ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
118 Votes
,6.47 Score
|
|
===========c=a=r=t=o=o=n====j=o=k=e============== 5/9/2002
What part of popeye will never rust??????????????????????????
The bit he dips in olive oil!
0 Comments, 9 Views,
133 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
viagra 5/9/2002
my girl was feelin kinda frisky. Im impotant, so I have to
get viagra from the chemist. "I know, Take it now and we can
get down to it as soon as I get back, It will be a nice supprise"
Having no water the viagra gets stuck in my throat. I get
home no sex, girlfriends pissed off, so off I go to bed. Next
morning I wakeup with a stiff neck!
0 Comments, 13 Views,
60 Votes
,0.06 Score
|
|
Obsessions 4/19/2002
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session
with four young mothers and their small <br>
"You all have obsessions, " he observed. To the first mother,
he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named
your Candy." <br>
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your 's name, Penny."
<br>
He turns to ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
210 Votes
,8.68 Score
|
|
fucking the pool man 2/1/2002
I am Donna, a 42 year old housewife (look 32) with a model's
figure and 34D tits. I live in a sunshine state and nude sunbathe
year round. One day a new pool man caught me off guard and
observed me totally nude by the pool. He was young, muscular,
and handsome and I let him take a good look as I towled off
and excused myself to let him work. He commented on my body
and said he missed ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
148 Votes
,7.40 Score
|
|
Island Fun 1/17/2002
I have always been a bit of an exhibitionist, but my wife
is very shy about showing her body. In general, I do not think
she even wants to see herself naked. However, when she has
been drinking a lot, this changes. She still does not want
others to see her naked, but she takes a lot more risks. For
example, it is not unusual for me to talk her out of all of
her clothes on a ride home from ...
4 Comments, 273 Views,
87 Votes
,8.67 Score
|
|
fucked your ass 6/11/2001
once astudent of our college went to buy a bed for himself
when he was coming back he met one of his friends who asked
him where were you he said" i went to buy this bed"
his friend asked for how much
he replied" for rs400"
his friend siad you have got your ass fucked and went away
<br>
he thought he may have bought itat higher rate so he decided
to tell the rate as rs300 ...
0 Comments, 67 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
|
|
Nymphomaniac Convention 5/30/2001
A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he settles
in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding
the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards
his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside
his. <br>
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Business
trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles and says, "Business.
I'm going to the annual ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
24 Votes
,6.99 Score
|
|
Dumb Blonde 5/11/2001
There was a blonde and her house was on fire so she called
the fire department and said, "You have to help me. My house
is burning." The fireman said, "O.K.Lady we will help.
Tell us how to get there." The blonde replied, "Da, Big Red
Truck."
0 Comments, 6 Views,
16 Votes
,5.92 Score
|
|
Pussy vs. beer 5/8/2001
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.
If you get a hair ...
0 Comments, 11 Views,
12 Votes
,4.92 Score
|
|
MASTURBATING BULL 9/26/2000
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BULL THAT MASTURBATES?
<br>
A: BEEF STROGANOFF!
3 Comments, 84 Views,
7 Votes
,5.84 Score
|
|
Do you want fries with that? 9/11/2000
What do you call a 300 pound woman with a yeast infection?
<br>
A: A Whopper with cheese!
3 Comments, 44 Views,
12 Votes
|
|
Bowler's Hands 9/9/2000
A man?s wife asked him to go to the store to buy her some cigarettes.
So he walked down to the store, only to find it closed. He
went into a nearby bar to get cigarettes from the vending
machine. At the bar he noticed a beautiful woman and he started
talking to her. They had a couple of drinks, one thing led
to another, and they ended up in her apartment. After they
had their fun he ...
0 Comments, 9 Views,
29 Votes
|
|
ATM Dancer 9/7/2000
So the other day, my friends and I went to this "Ladies Night
Club".
<br>
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10
bill. The
"dancer" came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and
put it on his
butt cheek.
<br>
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She
calls the
guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his ...
3 Comments, 92 Views,
58 Votes
|
|
Lantern of Events 8/29/2000
In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed
into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track.
Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the
driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly
a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
On Prostitutes 8/23/2000
Q. What do you call a with a runny nose?
A. Full
Q. Why do prostitutes lean on lamp posts?
A. To drain
0 Comments, 10 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Who wants to be a millionaire? 8/23/2000
The man asks the wife if he can have some. She says no. He asks
if that is her final answer. She says yes. He asks if he can
call a friend!!
3 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
|
|
women win again !!! 7/30/2000
Three men are walking in the desert when they come across a
beatiful oasis. Underneath one of the palm trees one of the men spots
something shining in the sun. After a bit of sand clearing he recovers
a lamp and yes you've guessed it after a long hard rub out pops a
beautiful female genee.
The curvacious genee princess offers them a wish each. The first
man asks for 1 ...
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
What a reputation 7/13/2000
Jock McTavish was in his local, depressed and drowning his sorrows
with whiskey. He takes a big gulp and says to the landlord... "You see
that fence over there, I built that by all by myself, hewed and
carried the timber from the forrest, cut and set the posts, split and
hung the rails. But do they call me McTavish the fence builder - No
they don't" Jock orders another large whiskey, ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
What's the difference... 7/11/2000
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
They both hold stiffs but one is coming and one is going.
0 Comments, 7 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score
|
|
Wedding Bells 6/27/2000
Q: Why does the bride smile as she walks down the aisle to
the altar? <br>
A: Because she *knows* that she will never have to give another
blowjob again!
0 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Three beggars 6/22/2000
Three beggars are begging in New York City.
The first one wrote 'beg" on his broken steel cup and he received
ten dollars after one day.
The second one wrote "beg.com" on his cup and after one day he
received hundreds of thousand dollars. Someone even wanted to take him
to NASDAQ.
The third one wrote "e-beg" on his cup. Both IBM and HP sent vice
presidents to talk to him about a ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Tattoo 6/18/2000
A woman goes to a tattoo artist and asks to have her boyfriends name
tattooed on her ass for a birthday present. The artist says OK what's
his name. Brandon Broncowitz says the lady. The artist says thats a
lot of letters. Maybe it would be better to just put his initials. He
will know what they stand for. She agree's, so the artist places one
B on each of her ass cheeks and she goes ...
0 Comments, 133 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Talking Frog 6/5/2000
An errant drive took my ball into the trees and out of bounds. I
searched and searched for the lost ball. Just as I was about to give
up, I heard a voice and turned to see a frog. The frog said, "Kiss me
on the mouth and I will turn into a beautiful 25 year old nympho. I'll
wear you out." Sometime later I finally returned to the course, and to
the demands of my playing partners that I ...
0 Comments, 7 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
seven dwarves 6/3/2000
One Sunday, after mass 2 nuns were talking outside of the
church when they heard some voices coming toward them. When they
looked they saw that it was the seven dwarves. They appeared to be
chanting "Ya did it, ya did it, we KNOW ya did it!" Pretty soon Doc
says "Quiet down boys. Perhaps one of these nuns can resolve our
little problem." Doc goes up to the nuns and asks, "Sisters, I ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Red Neck Birth control 5/24/2000
An Arkansaw woman goes to the doctor and says that she would like her
husband to be castrated, The doctor gave her an empty soda can and a
cherry bomb. "Light the bomb and give it to him, ask him to count to
fifteen then he'll be fine"
The woman goes home and does as he asked, confused as to why a tin
can could castrate her hubby.
"Here honey count to ten" said the woman.
The ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
2 Votes
|
|
threes guys and a mormon 5/4/2000
Three guys and a mormon were standing around talking one day and the
first guy says , "I have 4 , one more and I'll have a basketball
team," the second guy says so.. "I have 8 , one more and I'll have
a baseball team,".. The third guy says, "SO I have 11 , one more
and I'll have a footbal team"... The mormon laughing says thats
nothing.."I've got 17 wives, one more and I'll have a ...
3 Comments, 134 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
2 lawyers in a bar 5/4/2000
Two lawyers were in a bar during happy hour sharing a beer,
when this sexy/shapley blond walks by, the first lawyer
says to his friend, "I'd love to fuck her" the second turns
and says "really, outa what?"
3 Comments, 136 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
|
|
No Kidding 4/27/2000
Someone took a poll of 38, 500 women and asked them what their
ultimate fantasy was. 97.6% of the women said their ultimate fantasy
was to have two men at once.....One doing the cooking and one doing
the cleaning... I do windows, now come I'm lonely?
And a friend sent me a list. She knows me too well:
<br>
SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A ........ HOW MANY ARE FAMILIAR? ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Best Damn Blow Job 4/25/2000
There was this guy sitting on a park bench muttering to himself
and spitting. He would mutter, then spit, mutter, then spit, he would
say, "Damn, that sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn, that
sonofabitch can drive", then spit, "Damn that sonofabitch can drive",
then spit.
A man sits down next to him and asks him, "What's going on here? You
keep saying, "Damn that sonofabitch can ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
Sex on the Schedule 4/20/2000
A married couple went to see a cousilor due to an unhappy
relationship in the past two months. After listening each
of them complain about their personal lifestyles he asked
them if they even having a "sexual relationship". They
both agreed that the sex part of it is good although it's
difficult to schedule a particualar time between their
work schedules. The counsilor was flabbergasted ...
4 Comments, 176 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
|
|
City of Los Angeles High School Proficiency Test 4/20/2000
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a forty round clip. If he misses six shots
out of ten shots and shoots thirteen times at each drive-by shooting,
how many drive-bys can he do before he has to re-load?
2. Jose has two ounces of cocaine. He sells an eight-ball to Jackson
for $320.00 and two grams to Billy for $65.00 per gram. What is the
street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Sexy Jokes 4/17/2000
Sunbathing
<br>
A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all of her
vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit
the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that
no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of it for an
overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She
was ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
ALABAMA 3RD GRADER 4/13/2000
AN ALABAMA FAMILY MOVED TO TENNESSEE AND ENROLLED THEIR
IN ELEMENTRY SCHOOL. AFTER THE FIRST DAY THE FATHER
SAID "WELL HOW WAS YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?" SAYS
GREAT DAD THEY HAVE A CLASS UP HERE CALLED P.E. YOU GET TO
PLAY FOR A WHOLE HOUR. AND GUESS WHAT DAD? I GOT ALL THE REBOUNDS
IN BASKETBALL. THATS CUZ YOU ARE FROM ALABAMA BOY, SAYS
DAD. AND DAD I RAN FASTER THAN EVERYBODY IN MY ...
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
VIAGRA FOR YOU DEAR 4/13/2000
A TRAVELING SALESMAN WAS A THOUSAND MILES FROM HOME. HE
FINALLY PROCURED SOME VIAGRA FROM A STREET VENDER. HE WAS
SO EXCITED HE CALLED HOME IMMEDIATELY TO TELL HIS WIFE.
HONEY YOU KNOW IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE I COULD GET IT UP WITH
YOU? WELL IVE GOT VIAGRA AND I WILL BE HOME NEXT WEEK! THE
WIFE BEING SO COMPASSIONATE SAID DONT WAIT A WEEK I KNOW
ITS BEEN YEARS FOR YOU AND YOU HAVE ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
free drinks 4/12/2000
THREE GUYS WERE DRINKING IN AN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT LOUNGE.THE
FIRST GUY, FROM ENGLAND, WAS BRAGGING ABOUT HIS FAVORITE
BAR IN LONDON. "I KNOW A BAR WHERE EVERY OTHER DRINK IN FREE."
THE SECOND GUY, FROM ITALY, WAS BRAGGING ABOUT HIS FAVRITE
BAR IN ROME. "I KNOW A BAR IN ROME WHERE YOU BUY ONE DRINK THEN
THE NEXT TWO ARE FREE! THIS GOES ON ALL NIGHT BUY ONE GET TWO
FREE! WELL THE THIRD ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
here are some funny jokes 4/9/2000
1)How is a woman and a tornado alike?---in the begining theres alot of
sucking and blowing but in the end you loose your house.
2)What does a woman and a condom have in common? they spend more time
in your wallet then on your dick.
3)If the dove is the true meaning of peace what bird is the true
meaning of love?....the swallow.
4)Why do women fake orgasms? because they think men ...
0 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
mouth like a bird cage. 2/21/2000
Two female roomates are sitting having breakast one morning
after a pretty heavy night before. One turns to the other
an says "Boy my mouth feels like the bottom of a bird cage."
the other replies, " I'm not surprise you had a cock or twoin it last night
0 Comments, 13 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
definition of indecect? 2/1/2000
Q: Whats the definition of indecent?
A: If long enough, hard enough and in far enough its indecent!
0 Comments, 12 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
COP ON A . 12/27/1999
THIS MOUNTED POLICEMAN WAS SITING ON HIS WHEN A
ON A BRAND NEW BIKE PULLS UP. THE COP ASKES "HEY THEIR , DID SANTA
BRING YOU THAT BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS?" THE BOY REPLIES "YES SIR HE DID."
THE COP THEN SAYS "WELL NEXT YEAR TELL SANTA TO PUT A TAILLIGHT ON
THAT BIKE." AND THEN PROCEDES TO GIVE HIM A $20 DOLLAR
FINE FOR A BICYCLE SAFTEY VIOLATION. THE WAS STARTING TO RIDE OFF
WHEN HE ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
ole and lena sex story 12/20/1999
lena was at the store one day and bought a pair of crotchless
panties to surprise ole with. so she went home put some music
on turned down the lights and finally put on only her new
crotchless panties and waited for ole to come home. when
he finally did come home he seen the lights were dimmed and
heard the music and then he heard lena calling hm seductively
from the bedroom .so he walks ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
freeride 12/13/1999
Two fleas are scheduled to meet in Miami once winter hits. One arrives weeks before the other, and once the second arrives he is hypothermic and near dead. The second flea sees the first so comfortable and asks how he did it, the first replies that he simply crawls up a stewardess's dress and waits where it is nice and warm, and suggests that the other flea try the same. So the next year the ...
3 Comments, 183 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score
|
|
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? 12/3/1999
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs,
breasts, and thighs.
1 Comments, 29 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
MY DAD HAS TWO PRICKS 11/29/1999
One day John visited his neighbor, Mr. Palmer. When he got there Mr. Palmer was painting the housing a brush, John being boastful said, "My Dad has to of those." Mr. Palmer smile at him and continued working.
Later, Mr. Palmer was doing a higher section of the house so he climbed his ladder to continue painting and again John said " My day has two ladders." Once again Mr. Palmer smiled at ...
0 Comments, 91 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
A guy walks into a bar... 11/16/1999
A guy walks into a tavern, and has a seat at the bar. As
he's sipping his drink he notices a jar stuffed with $100
bills sitting behind the cash register.
He asks the bartender "what's the deal with the jar full of
hundreds?" The bartender replies "It's a contest we have
here, whoever can complete three tasks wins the all the
money in the jar. The entry fee is $100, though.
The guy ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
|
|
butt ugly pickup artist 10/28/1999
A man is sitting in a bar accross from an incredibly beautiful woman. Pretty soon the ugliest guy he has ever seen sits down and starts talking to her. After just a few minutes they get up together and leave. The next week he is in the same bar and another beutiful woman is sitting at the bar and the same thing happens. The incredibly ugly man sits down talks with her for a couple of minutes and ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
|
|
Two little boys 10/17/1999
Joey and Timmy meet in the hospital ward prior to surgery.
Timmy is obviously nervous, so Joey asks, "Are you
alright?"
"I'm getting my tonsils out and I'm kinda scared, " said
Timmy.
Oh, I had my tonsils out last year. You'll just have a
sore throat. Then they'll bring you ice cream!" said Joey.
"Oh, I guess that's ok 'cause I like ice cream. What are
you here for?"
"I'm having a ...
1 Comments, 74 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Great Night of Sex 9/13/1999
A social misfit walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
“What are you so happy about?” asks the Barman.
“Well I’ll tell you,” replies the ugly bloke, “you know I live by the
railway, well on my way home last night I noticed a young woman tied to
the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and
took her back to my ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
Naryan Dutt Tiwari 7/14/1999
Once a person was admitted to a hospital, as he mat an accident. While sponging him the nurse, a bold brunette, noticed that the patient has lots of name written on her body. She asked the patient the reason of such name being written on his body. He told her that he had an hobby of writing names of some celibirity and big people on his body. While sponging his crotch area the nurse noticed that ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
|
|
THE CASTAWAY ENGINEER 6/29/1999
A rather inhibited computer engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a 's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island.
Outside of beautiful ...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
|
|
ABOUT POLITICS 6/29/1999
This little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well , let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score
|
|
Jokes for U 6/23/1999
Joke#1
An old man went to his doctor and complained that he had toilet problems
'Well, let's see', said the doctor,'How is your urination?'
'Every morning at seven o'clock on the dot'.
'Good. How about your bowel movements ? '
'Eight o'clock each morning as regular as could be'
'So what's the problem?' asked the Doctor.
'I don't wake up until nine!'
Joke#2
A big game hunter was engaged by a ...
3 Comments, 139 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Lord Shiva's wish ( Love automation ) 6/23/1999
Lord Shiva granted Manu a wish.
Manu : I want my penis to increase/ decrease in size as per my wish.
Lord Shiva : Ok. If you clap your hands the size of your penis will increase.
Manu : But I also wish to decrease it's size when required.
Lord : Don't worry if you snap your fingers the size will decrease.
Manu : Thank you ,lord.
One day,Manu left his home to visit his friend Raja. On his
way he ...
3 Comments, 124 Views,
4 Votes
,0.14 Score
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Walking Lane 6/23/1999
Lord Shiva was waiting at the door to heaven. He was to decide posting's of candidates based on their merit.
Merit Criteria :
1. If a candidate was faithful to his/her spouse, he/she was given a "Mercedes Benz" to enjoy his life in heaven.
2. If a candidate had engaged in sex with a neighbour he/she was given a "Two-wheeler" to enjoy his life in heaven.
3. If a candidate had engaged in ...
3 Comments, 126 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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I know the truth 6/15/1999
At school a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased ...
0 Comments, 376 Views,
18 Votes
,6.94 Score
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