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Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Lets take a minute   4/10/2014

Lets take a minute and remember that poor guy who told his wife he was going to China on Malaysian flight 370 and now cant ever leave his Girlfriends apartment.

2 Comments, 93 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
Ladyeater33 47 M
1  Article
Its a question and answer session   4/5/2014

Question: Why did a 25 years young man died after getting married with a 75 years old lady? Answer: Because of drinking expired milk!

Question: Why did Osama Bin Laden hate to see women in panties? Answer: Because underneath every panty there is a Bush!

Question: What is the similarity between a man and a rat? Answer: Both of them search for Hole!

Question: What is the ...

1 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_rituraj510 28 M
12  Articles
smart Wife   4/4/2014

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

2 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Irish Blonde   3/25/2014

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As ...

0 Comments, 184 Views, 12 Votes ,5.10 Score
Trapper69 67 G
28  Articles
Nookie Green   3/24/2014

An Irishman went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

"Father" he confessed, It's been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Nookie Green twice last month."

The priest told the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Marys"

Soon, another Irishman entered the confessional. "Father, It's been two months since my last confession. ...

5 Comments, 297 Views, 14 Votes ,3.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Small Joke   3/17/2014

A man has been arrested on suspicion of cutting off another man's penis.

However the police admit that a conviction is unlikely as the evidence will not stand up in court.

2 Comments, 62 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Chicago cop   3/17/2014

An 85-year old husband and wife decide to take a road trip. She drives because she can see and he rides because he can hear.

After traveling for a while, they get pulled over by a State Trooper. She rolls down her window and the cop says "I need to see your drivers license and vehicle registration please." The woman turns to her husband and shouts "WHAT DID HE SAY?" The husband replies, ...

4 Comments, 163 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
He has a problem   3/14/2014

Man goes to a shrink, he asks what's the problem?

The guy says, I live in a $3 million house, I have a 35 foot cabin crusier on the lake...I own a $1 million dollar vacation home...I drive a $150, 000 dollar car, The shrink, says wow that's really great so what's your problem...

The guy says, I only make $10 and hour...

1 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Morris   3/12/2014

Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The ...

1 Comments, 154 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
thought the adults were hiding out here laughing   3/3/2014

and there was a page filled with more bump! what goes bump in the night??

2 Comments, 84 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
chili   3/3/2014

Yankee Judge Chili Cook-off If you're not a Texan, you might not get this one, but it's still Pretty funny..

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person ...

2 Comments, 74 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
bakersfield   3/3/2014

May 30th: Just moved to Bakersfield. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. ...

0 Comments, 70 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
JimmyLSlamU 61 M
2  Articles
Fat Clothes   3/1/2014

How do you know when your girlfriend is starting to get Fat? When she starts fitting into your wifes clothes!!!

1 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
POT   2/27/2014

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier... Shocked, the cashier asks..'What's this for?' The Rastafarian replies..'Me here to open a joint account'

1 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A LION IN THE ZOO   2/27/2014

A lion in the zoo was lying in the sun licking its rear end when a visitor turned to the zoo keeper and said, “That’s a docile old thing isn’t it?”

“No way, ” said the zoo keeper, “it’s the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a Muslim into the cage and completely devoured him.”

“Hardly seems possible” said the astonished ...

1 Comments, 138 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

"Mary, what does your parents do?"

Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse."

"That’s very nice, " said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?"

Robert proudly exclaimed, "My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"

"That’s very ...

1 Comments, 170 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GREAT HEARING   2/23/2014

A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she ...

1 Comments, 159 Views, 9 Votes ,6.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
COMPARE   2/23/2014

I just had an argument with a girl I know.

She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.

So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key.

But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.

1 Comments, 78 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOW THE "Olympics" GOT ITS NAME   2/21/2014

Until recently, I didn't know this...

A slave from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece ..

In those days, believe it or not, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events. ...

4 Comments, 151 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Lightening up the mood   2/21/2014

Q: How do you know you are a true stoner? A: When your bong gets washed more than your dishes!

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip? A: Because pot holder was taken

If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a ...

1 Comments, 99 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PIGS   2/20/2014

A farmer had 5 female pigs.

Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them.

At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.

After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived sixty miles apart, so they agreed to drive thirty miles each and find a field in which to let the ...

1 Comments, 155 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ah ha !!!!!!   2/20/2014

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

"Do you enjoy it?" The doctor asked.

"Actually, yes, I do."

"Does it hurt you?" he asked.

"No. I rather like it."

"Well, then, " the doctor continued, "there's no reason that you ...

1 Comments, 162 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ALL IN THE FAMILY   2/14/2014

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughters bedroom. When she opened the door she found her naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

The replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week, the father was in the ...

3 Comments, 291 Views, 16 Votes ,7.24 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
adult theme!   2/11/2014

JOKE....Adult Themes XX

(1) To make it straight, she pulls it.. To make it stand, she rubs it. To make it stiff, she licks it. To put it in, she pushes it. It's hell of a job threading a needle!!

(2) A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back. The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said, I'll ...

2 Comments, 177 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
laughsss   2/9/2014

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ----------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) ...

1 Comments, 90 Views, 13 Votes ,3.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GOLFING????   1/31/2014

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.

His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing . Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified ...

1 Comments, 173 Views, 11 Votes ,3.35 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NEW BULL   1/26/2014

Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

The first bull says, “Boys, we all know I’ve been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don’t know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain’t’ ...

2 Comments, 152 Views, 12 Votes ,4.39 Score
annie444u 52 C
135  Articles
The Pager   1/23/2014

After a horrible storm my best friend loaned me his dump truck so my sons, 12 and 8 could help me haul away a huge tree that had been uprooted in our back yard.

The boys were quite impressed with the warning bell which came on once the truck was shifted into reverse and commented on it repeatedly.

The following day my two young sons and I were standing in line at the grocery ...

4 Comments, 249 Views, 18 Votes ,5.85 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
REALLY EXCITED   1/21/2014

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well, " replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes, " replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well, " says Paul, straightening up, "I finally got the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." ...

1 Comments, 185 Views, 16 Votes ,3.72 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

There's a big conference of beer producers.

At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.

The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.

Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's ...

2 Comments, 147 Views, 12 Votes ,4.04 Score
1seeking1 58 F
4  Articles
Bananas are better than MEN because   1/16/2014

You don’t mind swallowing a banana. Bananas are always stiff. Bananas don’t know how to fart. A banana’s only purpose is to satisfy you. No one cares if you have two Bananas in bed with you at the same time. Another woman will never try to steal your Banana. Bananas can last the whole night through. Even the smallest Bananas are at least eight inches long. Can not take credit for this, it ...

4 Comments, 110 Views, 17 Votes ,3.27 Score
Blonds   1/15/2014

What do you call a blond with a dollar bill on her forehead??

All you can eat for under a buck

0 Comments, 34 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck   1/8/2014

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk, " she suggested.

So Donald went ...

1 Comments, 191 Views, 13 Votes ,3.81 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ORGASMS   1/4/2014

When I was with my first wife, every time she had an orgasm, she used to punch me in the face. At first, I didn`t mind until I found out she was faking the orgasms. ...

1 Comments, 88 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
11 MINUTES   1/3/2014

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highway.

At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers' lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.

He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.

He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her ...

2 Comments, 227 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL   12/25/2013

Little DJ has his first day at school. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his day went.

'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher.' 'What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!'

Little DJ goes to his ...

1 Comments, 202 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JEWISH PUSSY CATS   12/21/2013

A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach at Ft. Myers.

She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

"How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you, " he ...

1 Comments, 212 Views, 11 Votes ,3.54 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
waiting for his mother   12/13/2013

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, ", can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to ...

1 Comments, 166 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

Saturday, Paul Walker completed the last installment in the Fast and Furious series.

He was a co-star in the production of Too Fast, Too Flammable.

Seems Paul Walker went from Fast and Furious to Gone In 60 Seconds.

To Soon? LOL.......

2 Comments, 48 Views, 7 Votes ,0.24 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2011-11-27, 1:43 am. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important ...

1 Comments, 196 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Reduced gun crime   12/4/2013

* In 1863 a Democrat shot and killed Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States. * In 1964 a communist-turned Democrat killed John F. Kennedy * In 1983 a registered Democrat shot and wounded Ronald Reagan. * In 2007 a registered Democrat named Seung-Hui Cho shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech. * In 2010 a mentally ill registered Democrat named Jared Lee Loughner shot Rep. Gabrielle ...

1 Comments, 133 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score
Cream Puff   12/1/2013

What do you call a woman that dose three men at the same time? A Cream Puff ...

2 Comments, 49 Views, 8 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE PARACHUTIST   11/30/2013

A young man joined the army and signed up with the paratroopers.

He went Through the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher And higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an Airplane.

The next day, he called home to tell his father the news. "So, did you jump?" asked the father. "Well, let me tell you what happened, " the said. ...

1 Comments, 138 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CONFUCIUS SAY   11/30/2013

1. Passionate kiss like spider's web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.

2: Virginity like bubble. One prick, all gone.

3. Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

4. Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

5. Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

6. Gay Indian is also a brave sucker....

2 Comments, 80 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MAN ON A BUS   11/30/2013

A man was travelling on a crowded bus.

A young lady was standing in front of him. After a while the man said, "Wow, what a big butt!"

Then the girl turned back and slapped him in the face. While she was turned back however, the man said again,

"Wow, what small boobs!"

The girl turned back again and slapped him one more time.

After a while the ...

1 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BIKER STORY   11/27/2013

A young woman goes to her doctor’s office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs… A green spot on the inside of each. “They won’t wash off, they won’t scrape off and they seem to be getting worse.”

The doctor assures her he’ll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.

A few days ...

1 Comments, 174 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
EXAM TIME   11/27/2013

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow`s final exam.

She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student`s immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best ...

1 Comments, 141 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A BLONDE IN CHURCH   11/27/2013

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation,

“Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family.” ...

2 Comments, 147 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
barber shop   11/27/2013

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." ...

0 Comments, 42 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
rotn2dacore 69 M
11  Articles
GOLFING   11/27/2013

A Priest and a nun go golfing one day.

The Priest tees up his ball, swings, and misses it completely.

"Oh shit, I missed", he says

The nun looked at him sharply.

He addresses his ball again, swings and misses it again.

'Oh shit, I missed again", he says.

The nun says: "Father, you really shouldn't use that kind of language."

"I know, ...

1 Comments, 132 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DRACULA   11/19/2013

Dracula goes to Rome and checks into the Grand Italia Hotel. The bellhop, after bringing in his coffin, asks if there is anything he can do for him.

Dracula says, "Yes, there is, " and lunges for the boy's throat. After draining the blood from him, Dracula throws the bellhop's lifeless body out his bedroom window. The body lands on a policeman stationed in front of the hotel. The impact ...

1 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Delicacy   11/16/2013

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles ...

2 Comments, 91 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HEAR THIS   11/12/2013

An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.

The chief says to the cowboy, "You going die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown third day, you die. What first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my ."

The indians get his .

The cowboy grabs the 's ear and ...

1 Comments, 136 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Random Thoughts   11/9/2013

A Man's Random Thoughts:

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble ...

2 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS!!!!!   11/9/2013

I Just Realized Something:

My sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not ...

2 Comments, 87 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SPANISH FLY   11/4/2013

A guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the guy for some Spanish fly..

The pharmacists says..sorry I can't sell you that, its to dangerous...

After an hour of begging he tells the pharmacist that he has 3 women coming over that evening and really needs it..

Well the pharmacist sells it to him with the promise that he will return the next morning and tell him how things ...

1 Comments, 129 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
Women proposing   11/3/2013

Women will ever be able to propose to a man. As soon as she gets on her knees, the man's instant reaction will be to pull his pants down! lmao

1 Comments, 71 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
$400 For A Night   10/31/2013

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man. ‘I’m going to Las Vegas’, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free! ‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later ...

1 Comments, 78 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE AFFAIR   10/30/2013

A man returns home a day early from a business trip.

While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees.

Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom.

The husband switches on the lights, yanks the ...

3 Comments, 161 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

So little Johnny is being taken to the Zoo for the first time, by his parents.

He is amazed at all the different kinds of animals.

When he gets to the Elephant enclosure he asks his Mother. "What's that thing hanging down between his legs?"

Mother. "Oh, that's his trunk."

Johnny. "No, at the other end?"

Mother. "It's nothing dear."

Johnny then ...

1 Comments, 123 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant ...

1 Comments, 120 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
jaipurcouple1979 41 C
3  Articles
Hindi Joke   10/22/2013

Awarded Double Meaning Joke:


. lady to rikshwalla "...under tak jaayega?"


. rikshawalla "bilkul jaayega madam, aapke liye toh khada kiya hai."




. lady "thik hai toh..ghumake phicche se le lo.

1 Comments, 58 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ANOTHER VIEW OF S&M   10/20/2013

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation.

They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their , homes, etc. and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Sally replies "It's just ...

1 Comments, 125 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHY, COACH? WHY?   10/20/2013

A high school football team was in the state semi-final game and leading by two points late in the fourth quarter.

All they had to do was protect their lead for another 5 minutes and they would be playing next week for the state championship.

They had the ball and a pass play had been called. All of the receivers were well covered so the quarterback ran with the ball. Just ...

2 Comments, 122 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MORMON & AN IRISHMAN   10/13/2013

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely attacked by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my ...

1 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO GIRLS IN A PUB   10/7/2013

Two women were sitting next to each other in a pub. After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland .

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'

The first one says, 'So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?'

The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am.'

The first ...

1 Comments, 108 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Playing poker   10/7/2013

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get ...

1 Comments, 156 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FUNNIES   9/24/2013

My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going. ”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome trying to whistle!”

Which is the odd one out: a woman, a microwave or a fridge? The microwave, the other two leak when they’re fucked.

Bungee ...

1 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TOILET   9/20/2013

So little Johnny (four years old) is out shopping with his Mom and Grandma. He says to Mom, "I have to go the toilet." Mom. "I'll take you." Johnny. "No, I want Grandma to take me." Mom. "Why can't I take you?" Johnny."Because Grandma's hand shakes."...

1 Comments, 111 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Hypnotist at a Senior Citizen's Center   9/19/2013

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center.

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence ...

2 Comments, 134 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FROG   9/17/2013

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ....

"Grandpa, Grandpa, " she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said her Grandpa.

"Please, please, please make a noise like a ...

1 Comments, 110 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHOICE   9/14/2013

Last night a complete stranger asked me if I liked breasts or thighs, I told him that I preferred a hot, wet, pussy. Apparently that wasn’t an option with the KFC Bargain Bucket....

1 Comments, 51 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
INDEFINITELY   9/12/2013

What's the definition of indefinitely? When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in ... definitely!...

1 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles

In the original native culture of Thailand, when males reached the age of 18, they had to participate in the following community ceremony:

They lay themselves stark naked in a large circle, feet facing inward. A beautiful young naked girl kneels over the ankles of each of the men. She places a blob of honey and various crushed sweet fruits around his navel to attract flies and insects. ...

0 Comments, 84 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
This is Priceless   9/10/2013

He's My Brother - This is Priceless

Two walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, ", how old are you?"

"Eight, " the boy replied.

The man continued, "do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they ...

1 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
Oranges   9/9/2013

A young teenaged girl was a and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.

The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic.

Sure ...

2 Comments, 187 Views, 9 Votes ,3.64 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OUCH!!!!   9/8/2013

Lorena Bobbitt's sister was arrested yesterday for trying to do the same thing to her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago.

The sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper leg, causing severe muscle and tendon damage.

She has been charged with a misdeweiner....

1 Comments, 62 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BLONDE HUMOR   9/8/2013

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer, He asks her anheisuer bush, she replies with fine, hows your dick....

0 Comments, 65 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A NEW BEVERAGE   9/8/2013

Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one!

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and a good old fashioned "stiff ...

1 Comments, 49 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
(Love southern humor!!!!)   9/8/2013

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky .

Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force.

By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of ...

1 Comments, 78 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SIGNS   9/7/2013

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there....

2 Comments, 55 Views, 7 Votes ,2.28 Score
bigmel1963 55 M
17  Articles
friend sex   9/5/2013

A married couple has a long time friend visit. They have not seen each other for many years. They decide to go out and party. When they get back to the studio apt the couple live in, they suggest that the friend stays with them, due to all the drinking. The couple inform the friend that they sleep in the nude, he should too and they will all share the same bed, since they are long time friends. ...

1 Comments, 95 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WINDY DAY   8/31/2013

3 Couples decide to play a round of golf.. The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, Woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the ...

1 Comments, 104 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PJs   8/25/2013

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

1 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WIFE VS. HUSBAND   8/24/2013

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep, ' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

1 Comments, 46 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.'

He addressed the man,

'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

1 Comments, 40 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
This is for you old folks   8/11/2013

Tetanus Shot. (This is for you old folks, I.e., anyone over (or close to) 60 is eligible! )

An old man in his mid-seventies struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, ”Where are you going?”

He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.'

She says, 'Why, are you sick?' He says, 'Nope, I'm going ...

4 Comments, 162 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Misc Humor   8/10/2013

Wedding At a wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Sex Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Lance Armstrong I think it is just terrible and disgusting ...

1 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
pushing carts around Wal-Mart   8/10/2013

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy ...

1 Comments, 114 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
non-racist version of "SnowWhite   8/8/2013

Walt Disney's new film called "Jet Black, " the non-racist version of "SnowWhite, " has been put on hold.

All of the 7 dwarfs: Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, , and Drugie have refused to sing "Hi Ho" because they say it offends black prostitutes.

They also say they have no intention of singing "It's off to work we go."

1 Comments, 85 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
FtWaltonBlackk 46 M
9  Articles
Puddles   8/6/2013

3 Penguins walk into a bar...

1st Penguin asks the bartender for a beer, bartender asks " so how as your day", he looks up and says it was a long day and ive been in and out of puddles all day.

2nd Penguine asks for a shot, bartender says what about you big man?.. he says well my day was pretty good except for car problems and ive been in and out of puddles all day.

the ...

1 Comments, 109 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Everywhere   8/5/2013

A woman approaches her husband one morning after he'd been out one too many times the night before. "You can't go go out anymore without me. We never go anywhere anymore." He says: "Hey, I used to take you everywhere. I'd drive out to the country, to the mountains, to the lake, to different cities even different countries. Everywhere."

To which she replies "Well why did you stop?" ...

2 Comments, 136 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Grandpa's Drink   8/2/2013

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table. Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

'What happened, Grandpa?' asked by his concerned .

Well, ' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had ...

1 Comments, 153 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
tallyoungstud5 37 M
1  Article
abstinence   7/31/2013

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no ...

1 Comments, 90 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
4KKMatureWomen 45 M
11  Articles
devil inside the church   7/30/2013

One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, ...

1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
4KKMatureWomen 45 M
11  Articles
cheating   7/30/2013

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

1 Comments, 82 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
4KKMatureWomen 45 M
11  Articles
funeral   7/30/2013

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As ...

1 Comments, 95 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NO CHARGE   7/26/2013

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him ...

1 Comments, 84 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
knowsyj 46 M
9  Articles
Dumb Joke   7/22/2013

What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?

Your wife will always blow your bonus!

1 Comments, 52 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
fortwaynelover33 29 M
13  Articles
knock knock   7/18/2013

knock knock whose there orange

2 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME ................   7/18/2013

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What disease did ...

4 Comments, 112 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
TrevBrad2 36 M
8  Articles
Auto-correct Erotica   7/17/2013

Jim was a big man with a big cuckoo. He had spend most of the past three months working in the far note, as a logger, but now he was back on the propel looking for some your thing to stick his meets dick in. The outpost town where he went for a drink was small and quiet. The only bar in a small community, Jim didn't expect to see any action until he reached the next major city, still days ...

2 Comments, 79 Views, 4 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
GLOVE   7/14/2013

A guy walks into a doctor's office and while getting examined the doctor notices that the guy has five penis'.

That's amazing, " says the doctor. "How do your pants fit?"

The guy says, "Like a glove."

3 Comments, 85 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DAD'S JOB   7/14/2013

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy.” replied the second. “My daddy’s an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy....

1 Comments, 80 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
cash a check   7/4/2013

President Obama walks into a local bank in Chicago to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am ...

2 Comments, 141 Views, 12 Votes ,4.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
When you are over sixty who gives a shit?   7/4/2013

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your ...

1 Comments, 89 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
Irishlovetoy 37 M
10  Articles
Nantucket   6/26/2013

There once was a man from Nantucket, who had a dick so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, if his ear was a cunt he would fuck it!

1 Comments, 62 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.

Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making ...

1 Comments, 235 Views, 14 Votes ,5.38 Score
Tenderley 66 M
11  Articles
Vibrator   6/13/2013

I bought my wife a vibrator for her birthday.

She has done nothing but moan ever since...

1 Comments, 133 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
A the Alamo   6/8/2013

Davey Crockett , Jim Bowie and Bill Travis were sitting on the wall at the Alamo looking over the hoard of Mexicans moving in and surrounding them .

Davey leans over to Jim and says, " I have a question for you and I fear the answer is no "

Jim responds back " well ask anyway , and I'll answer as best as I can".

Davey says, "Ok. You didn't order in landscapers this ...

1 Comments, 150 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
yusosad 44 M
10  Articles
please mama   6/5/2013

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well, " said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama, " she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd ...

1 Comments, 194 Views, 15 Votes ,4.97 Score
yusosad 44 M
10  Articles
parrot   6/5/2013

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers ...

1 Comments, 93 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Who in here has been screwing my wife   5/28/2013

A man walked into his crowded local bar, waved a revolver around and yelled

"Who in here has been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back "You're gonna need more ammo!"

1 Comments, 229 Views, 11 Votes ,5.78 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
If this isn't really true, it ought to be.   5/28/2013

A 50-something year old Muslim man arrived at his seat on a crowded flight and immediately didn't want the seat. The seat was next to an elderly white woman reading her Bible.

Disgusted, the Muslim man immediately summoned the flight attendant and demanded a new seat. The man said "I cannot sit here next to this infidel." The flight attendant said "Let me see if I can find another ...

3 Comments, 165 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles

This is the best, most interesting English lesson I have had to date. Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters?

Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car"?

And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"? And have you noticed that if you rearrange the ...

1 Comments, 152 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
burglaries increasing dramatically   5/18/2013

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and ...

2 Comments, 158 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles

A man was sitting on a blanket at the ocean beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women, the first from England, the second from Wales, and the third from Ireland, were walking past the poor man feeling sorry for him.

The English woman said "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No, " so she gave him a nice warm hug and walked on.

The Welsh woman said, "Have you ...

1 Comments, 141 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Our society is doomed..............   5/11/2013

IDIOT SIGHTING I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00 I said "May I have large bills, please" She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size." When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

IDIOT SIGHTING When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We ...

0 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles


God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill? We're not interested.'

So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I ...

2 Comments, 160 Views, 14 Votes ,3.62 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Lie detector robot   5/1/2013

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his what he did that afternoon.

The says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the .

The says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

says, "Toy Story." ...

1 Comments, 171 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
(This One Is Priceless!)   4/27/2013


A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

... The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of ...

1 Comments, 210 Views, 15 Votes ,6.96 Score
1patientstallion 46 M
10  Articles
Viagra Indeed Does Wonders   4/26/2013

A little boy goes to school and has diarrhea all day. After coming back from school, he tells his mother that has been going in and out of the toilet, and now he needs a Viagra. The mother quickly responds:

"Why would you ever say a thing like that?!" "I heard daddy say he was gonna take a Viagra, to make his shit hard!!"

1 Comments, 205 Views, 12 Votes ,3.33 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
How did she know?   4/22/2013

Three hookers were talking.The first one said, "I had a Fireman last night".

The second one asked how she knew he was a fireman, and the first one replied "I saw his badge."

The second said "Well I had a policeman". The first one asked how she knew he was a policeman. The second replied, "I saw his gun."

The third then joined in and said "Well I had a farmer from ...

1 Comments, 199 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper   4/21/2013

Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper.(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?) ---------------------------------------------------- FOXY LADY : Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be ...

1 Comments, 172 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The silence was deafening   4/20/2013

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so he said he would let us know when we could come and get her. ...

1 Comments, 158 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Once more, This is a REAL SALESMAN   4/20/2013

A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The says Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the ob.

"You start ...

1 Comments, 158 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
F***ing   4/20/2013

Six Basic Rules For Good Health

1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, every day is even better.

2. F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.

3. F***ing refreshes you.

4. After F***ing don't eat too much ... Go for more liquids.

5. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level !!!



1 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
Escape Convict   4/15/2013

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his ...

3 Comments, 279 Views, 13 Votes ,3.98 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"What's your occupation?"   4/14/2013

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions. He gets her name, address. Social Security number, etc. And then asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a Lady of the night, " she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, " Let's try to ...

2 Comments, 171 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill   4/13/2013

Upon arriving home from work our hero was greeted by his wife, dressed in a low cut and very sexy dress.

"Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?" She asked.

"No, " said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

"Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?" she ...

1 Comments, 171 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
DILEMMA   4/9/2013





1 Comments, 149 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Dresses - One more time   4/8/2013

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man’s HEART beats quicker, his throat gets DRY, he gets WEAK in the knees and he thinks IRRATIONALLY.

Have you ever wondered why?

It’s because she smells like


1 Comments, 126 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Locked her keys inside   4/7/2013

A woman received a call that her was sick.

She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, Got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.

Within 5 minutes a beat up old ...

1 Comments, 172 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
New golf terms   4/7/2013

Some new golf terms to use when you're out on the course...

A 'Rock Hudson' - a putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.

A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.

A 'John Kennedy Jr.' - didn't quite make it over the water.

A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.

An 'O.J.'- got away ...

1 Comments, 87 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Walk With Me As I Get Older   4/5/2013

Walk With Me As I Get Older

I hope this poem has the same effect on you as it did on me - then my forwarding it will be worth the effort. Walk with me by the water - worth the read...


Shit I forgot the words....

1 Comments, 104 Views, 8 Votes ,0.70 Score
Fishing con't   4/1/2013

DJ catches a whiff of the cigar and said 'damb gramps that cigar sure smells good, can I have a puff?' Gramps responds 'DJ, will your pecker reach your ahole?' Dissgusted, DJ replys 'no gramps, already told you....' Gramps replys again, ', you are too small to smoke'. After a bit, granny hollers at DJ, and and after going to visit her for a bit returns with a shithouse load of homeade cookies ...

1 Comments, 118 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
Dirty Jonnie's Fishing Trip   4/1/2013

DJ (dirty jonnie) was over at the grandparents house on a beautiful day. Grandpa suggested a fishing trip might be in order, and DJ concured. They asked grandma if she was in, and she was all about it. Gramps went and got the fishing gear in order, and granny packed a picnic basket full of goodies and they headed out. After fishing for a bit, the gramps reach in his ice chest and pulls out a cold ...

1 Comments, 126 Views, 4 Votes ,1.30 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Stuck in a traffic jam   3/31/2013

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are ...

2 Comments, 156 Views, 14 Votes ,5.86 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Are you a good golfer?"   3/24/2013

A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through.

Taking out his 3-wood, he took a mighty swing. The ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter asked, "Are you a ...

1 Comments, 169 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"   3/24/2013

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman, holding a bloody 5-iron, standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?"

"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?"


1 Comments, 152 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOSPITAL SEX   3/22/2013

A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months.

Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy ...

2 Comments, 163 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BEATLE JOKE   3/22/2013

What's the only thing keeping the Beatles from another reunion?

Three more bullets.

1 Comments, 61 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and said that she needed a pussy lip reduction. It needed to be confidential because she didn't want anyone to know. The surgeon said that it will be completely confidential and not to worry about it. The woman agreed to the surgery. Upon being wheeled to her room from recovery, she noticed 3 roses on her bed. What the hell is this, she screamed. No one is ...

2 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles


On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me, ' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came ...

0 Comments, 114 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Confession - One more time   3/20/2013

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 72 years old, have a wonderful wife of 50 years, many , grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?' ...

0 Comments, 186 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WALTER?   3/18/2013

President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the . After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name. " Walter, " responds the little boy. "And what is your question, Walter?" "I have four questions" First, "Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?" Second, "Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when ...

1 Comments, 136 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a great place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed, the Pope enters the plane, and to the guy's delight, sits next to him. I am surely blessed the man thinks.

Here I am, a ...

1 Comments, 98 Views, 9 Votes ,2.14 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
VIAGRA?   3/17/2013

Do you know what the main ingredient in Viagra is?


1 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
fix the outhouse   3/17/2013

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this here outhouse!"

"Ma replies, "Dang ...

1 Comments, 116 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
LEAD MONKEY DEAD   3/15/2013

On January 2nd of this year Davy Jones, lead singer for the 60’s pop group the Monkeys passed away.

The following morning headlines in the Washington Post read:


It took the secret service several hours to get Joe Biden to calm down and stop running around the White House yelling,

“I’m the President!”

2 Comments, 112 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
IRISH OR ITALIAN ...   3/11/2013

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests. ...

2 Comments, 150 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OPTIONS   3/9/2013

Last night a complete stranger asked me if I liked breasts or thighs, I told him that I preferred a hot, wet, pussy. Apparently that wasn’t an option with the KFC Bargain Bucket....

1 Comments, 85 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
VOTES???????   3/9/2013

I'm just wondering something on the joke line here. I just posted several jokes, ok they all aren't fall over funny but they are good for a laugh. My question is who the hell takes the time and effort to always vote on just mine and to vote DON'T LIKE..its just mine..the best part I haven't posted in about 3 months and they still did it last night. Now either this person has the worst sense of ...

5 Comments, 100 Views, 14 Votes ,3.78 Score
Clodiusthefirst 77 M
23  Articles
A Limerick   3/9/2013

There was a young man from Kent, Who's tool was decidedly bent, To save himself trouble, He put it in double, And instead of coming he went!

1 Comments, 77 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
commonsense852 38 M
12  Articles
might be right   3/9/2013

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the what they think God takes you by when you die. A responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

2 Comments, 133 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
commonsense852 38 M
12  Articles
Life Sentence   3/9/2013

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, ...

1 Comments, 136 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
commonsense852 38 M
12  Articles
The Cheese Sandwich   3/9/2013

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was ...

1 Comments, 125 Views, 4 Votes ,2.86 Score
commonsense852 38 M
12  Articles
Ad in paper   3/9/2013

A woman places an ad in the newspaper: "Looking for a man with 3 qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me & is great in bed." 2 days later her doorbell rings. "Hi, " her visitor announces. "I have no arms so I won’t beat you & no legs so I won't run away." "What makes you think you're great in bed?" the woman asks. He replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

1 Comments, 125 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
commonsense852 38 M
12  Articles
How many women   3/9/2013

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me, " she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay, " he said, "One, two, three, four, five, ...

1 Comments, 118 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SISTERS   3/8/2013

My neighbour has just walked past with two dogs.

I said, "I didn't know you had any dogs."

She said, "They're not my dogs, they're my sisters."

I said, "Wow, your sisters are very ugly."

1 Comments, 148 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MAKEUP SEX   3/8/2013

I had great make up sex today.

I fucked the Avon lady.

1 Comments, 42 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
NOT BETTER   3/8/2013

Scientists have used margarine to remove waxy substance found on seabirds

One bird remains critical.

I can't believe it's not better

1 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DONT SURPRISE   3/8/2013

Roses are red

Violets are glorious

Don't try to surprise

Oscar Pistorius

1 Comments, 30 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the . After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name. " Walter, " responds the little boy.

"And what is your question, Walter?"

"I have four questions" First, "Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?" Second, "Why do you keep saying you ...

1 Comments, 68 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
best pistols in my collection……...   3/8/2013

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my girlfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of no where. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my girlfriend's knee cap was all it took…….the bear got her and I was able to ...

1 Comments, 89 Views, 7 Votes ,0.49 Score
BillySmith401 64 M
2  Articles
Free Drinks   3/3/2013

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar ...

2 Comments, 142 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
BillySmith401 64 M
2  Articles
Top 10 Things Only Women Understand   3/3/2013

10) Cats’ facial expressions. 9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds. 7) ?Fat? clothes. 6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell. 4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow. 3) Eyelash curlers. 2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made. 1) Other women.

2 Comments, 81 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Barack....again   3/1/2013

Subject: Barak....again

Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas , asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.

Then he said into the microphone, ', every time I clap my hands together, a in America dies from gun violence.' ...

1 Comments, 97 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
If you don't like the punch like, change the name   3/1/2013

Sitting in a Pew.

In church, while reverently preparing for the service, I heard a sweet little old lady, sitting next to me in the pew, quietly whispering a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it with you.

She said,

Dear Lord, this has been a tough two or three years have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician ...

3 Comments, 129 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
(comic) scientist   3/1/2013

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems. 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. ...

0 Comments, 103 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
SMALLTOWNS   2/27/2013

Those who grew up in small towns will laugh when they read this. Those who didn't will be in disbelief and won't understand how true it is.

1) You can name everyone you graduated with.

2) You know what 4-H means.

3) You went to parties at a pasture, barn, gravel pit, or in the middle of a dirt road. On Monday you could always tell who was at the party because of the ...

2 Comments, 147 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
A Cannibal   2/23/2013

A cannibal was walking through the jungle & came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down & looked over the Menu...

+ Tourist: $5.00 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?" ...

1 Comments, 162 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
dev_aryan1993 21 M
9  Articles
girls! :P   2/23/2013

girls are like parking spots... the good ones are always taken... and the ones that are available, are either handicapped or too far away!! *Darny*

1 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
s0indifferentkk 40 M
12  Articles
cheating   2/20/2013

A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers. After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you.''

0 Comments, 251 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
s0indifferentkk 40 M
12  Articles
bitten   2/20/2013

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.

"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

1 Comments, 177 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Reunion   2/20/2013

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.

Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine.

Then Mary walks in, ...

1 Comments, 162 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Take my ass to jail   2/18/2013

Take my ass to jail....................

A Union Township policeman pulled a car over on I-275 about 2 miles south of SR32.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Cincinnati to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The cop told the driver he was fascinated by ...

2 Comments, 188 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
Music_Lover69 26 M
10  Articles
Any dirty jokes out there   2/12/2013

people lets have laughs and share some jokes around if ou can on your free time. Dirty jokes only here after alll its an adult site right

1 Comments, 49 Views, 2 Votes
s0indifferentkk 40 M
12  Articles
bingo   2/8/2013

What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies? Bingo

1 Comments, 150 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
Another use for Viagra   2/7/2013

Chris returns home from vacation with a severe case of sunburn, so he goes to see his doctor. After the examination the doctor prescribes chamomile lotion and Viagra.

Looking a little confused Chris says, “I can understand you prescribing the chamomile lotion, but why the Viagra?”

The doctor says, “The Viagra is to keep the sheets off you at night.”

0 Comments, 231 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
African King   2/7/2013

The beautiful secretary of a bank president was asked to squire around the king of a wealthy African kingdom, one of the bank’s most important .

After a day shopping & sightseeing, the king was utterly besotted with the lady, and asked for her hand in marriage. The proposal took the secretary by surprise and she was thinking of how to turn him down politely without jeopardising the ...

1 Comments, 192 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Welfare Office   2/7/2013

A woman walks into the downtown Harrisburg welfare office, trailed by 15 .

'WOW, ' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?"

'Yep, they are all mine, ' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, 'Sit down Leroy.' All the rush to find seats.

Well, ' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. ...

1 Comments, 190 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
Hillary gets an idea.....   2/5/2013

First Lady Hillary Clinton and Attorney General Janet Reno were having one of those girl to girl talks. Hillary says to Janet, "You're lucky that you don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with Bill, and there is no telling where he's been last."

Janet offended, responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged doesn't mean I don't have to fight off ...

2 Comments, 176 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
The Gorilla and the Redneck:   2/5/2013

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time ...

1 Comments, 127 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
$5 - the HARD way.....   2/1/2013

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair ...

1 Comments, 147 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
Oh HELL no!   2/1/2013

Clinton dies, and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity.

They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That's not how I want to spend all eternity......."

They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh ...

1 Comments, 114 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Then I remembered McDonald’s   2/1/2013

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault… I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as the lady likes to call it.

After ...

1 Comments, 161 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles


1)You can't count your hair.

2)You can't wash your eyes with soap.

3)You can't breathe when your tongue is out.

Put your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.

1 Comments, 88 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
Blown away....   1/24/2013

A blonde was driving home and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde and decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard and all the dents would pop out. The blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into ...

1 Comments, 158 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
It just hit me!   1/23/2013

My sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year, if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him. He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep. If he makes ...

2 Comments, 108 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles

Barack Obama was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo. Suddenly, a Donkey jumps out onto the road, they hit it full-on and the car comes to an abrupt stop.

Obama says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were the one driving.'

The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.

'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says ...

2 Comments, 142 Views, 10 Votes ,4.78 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Man logic   1/17/2013

Lady: Do you drink?

Man: Yes

Lady: How much a day?

Man: 3 6 packs

Lady: How much per 6 pack

Man: about $10.00

Lady: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: 15 years

Lady: So 1 6 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10, 800 correct?

Man: ...

0 Comments, 138 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Warning:   1/17/2013

Don't wash your hair in the shower.

It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!! IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT!!!!

WARNING TO US ALL!!! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo cascades down my whole body, and very clearly printed on the ...

0 Comments, 103 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s)   1/13/2013

Tobacco Smoke Enemas (1750s – 1810s)

The tobacco enema was used to infuse tobacco smoke into a patient’s rectum for various medical purposes, primarily the resuscitation of drowning victims.

A rectal tube inserted into the anus was connected to a fumigator and bellows that forced the smoke towards the rectum.

The warmth of the smoke was thought to promote ...

3 Comments, 102 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
" Not yet, "   1/13/2013

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

" Not yet, " said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he ...

3 Comments, 114 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Sing whatever hymn comes to your mind   1/13/2013

One Sunday morning, a priest decided to do something a little different. He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.

The pastor shouted out "CROSS"

Immediately the congregation started to sing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS"

The pastor ...

1 Comments, 97 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
Government Spending....   1/11/2013

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180, 000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study as well. After $250, 000.00, and 3 years of research, they ...

1 Comments, 89 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
three nuns.....   1/10/2013

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other ...

0 Comments, 110 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Expecting...   1/10/2013

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
rm_SDfun87 36 M
1  Article
123   1/6/2013


1 Comments, 39 Views, 1 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Grave news   1/6/2013

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the fortune teller delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, the young woman stared back at the old woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her ...

1 Comments, 110 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES ---   1/6/2013

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It!

What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.

Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife ...

1 Comments, 95 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
The irony of it all....   1/4/2013

Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death, " says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift ...

0 Comments, 106 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
A woman knows best....   1/4/2013

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise, " he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse, " she ...

1 Comments, 109 Views, 7 Votes ,2.53 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Rare happening   1/4/2013

In the year 2013, a remarkable coincidence will take place----both Groundhog day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This rare happening this year has special meaning.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for insight into the future.

The other involves a groundhog....

2 Comments, 89 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
My work is done here.   1/4/2013

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm thinking you're going back to read it again!

Men ...

1 Comments, 92 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
Blowjobs, 5 Bucks!!!!   1/3/2013

A is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, "Pssst... Blowjob, five dollars". He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was "Mom, what's a blowjob?". His mom replies "Five dollars, same as downtown!".

1 Comments, 130 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
vegasxxxxcouple 57 C
42  Articles
Blonde sobriety test....   1/3/2013

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulls over a car for speeding. He walks up to the car and asks the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he notices, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works!

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"

"What's a license???" ...

1 Comments, 112 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
Pedophiles   12/28/2012

2 pedophiles were sitting on a park bench when a 12 yr old girl walked by. One says to the other "I'll bet she was hot in her day"

1 Comments, 182 Views, 14 Votes ,0.26 Score
Any Humor Here?   12/24/2012

I find that most people on this site are rather humorless. Any idea of why this might be? I have always thought of sex as, well, fun. But apparently not here.

2 Comments, 66 Views, 6 Votes ,0.52 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Pregnant got on a bus   12/21/2012

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. ...

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ...

1 Comments, 182 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
THE 'Y' CHROMOSOME   12/21/2012

People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.

People born between 1946 and 1964 are called - The Baby Boomers.

People born between 1965 and 1979 are called - Generation X.

And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called - Generation Y.

Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ? Y should I get a job?

Y should I leave home ...

2 Comments, 144 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
man goes to a shrink   12/20/2012

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

"Relax, " says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

1 Comments, 180 Views, 8 Votes ,2.78 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?   12/20/2012

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

1 Comments, 141 Views, 12 Votes ,6.69 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
(SMILE)   12/16/2012

John went to the local bank to borrow money to buy a new bull. The loan was made and Banker Bill, who lent the money, went by a week later to see how the new bull was doing. John complained that the bull just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. The Banker suggested that he have a veterinarian take a look at the bull.

The next week, the Banker returned to see if the vet had ...

2 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
eilendover 40 F
8  Articles


4 Comments, 163 Views, 14 Votes ,4.10 Score
eilendover 40 F
8  Articles
Obama was horny 1 night   12/16/2012


1 Comments, 145 Views, 11 Votes ,3.73 Score
A new tax   12/15/2012

Obama is proposing a tax on aspirin. He says it should be done because they are white and they work.

3 Comments, 120 Views, 8 Votes ,3.01 Score
rm_CplnMidGA4U 58 C
1  Article
Just bad taste...   12/11/2012

The bartender caught a break and wondered up to a young man sitting at the end of the bar.

"Trying to drown your sorrows, huh?" said the bartender.

"Nah, just kinda celebrat'n" replied the young man."

"Whatcha celebrating?" asked the bartender.

The young man leaned over the bar and whispered, "Just had my first blowjob."

"Well then, " said the ...

1 Comments, 175 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Some Pretty Good Science Here !!!!   12/9/2012

Well, it is not a pretty story ... about 200 dead crows near Guelph … there was concern for Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows and confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impacts.

The Province engaged a ...

1 Comments, 125 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
A STORY OF LETTUCE.   12/9/2012







0 Comments, 146 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
moxlolz 33 M
3  Articles
Pick up lines so bad... They're funny.   12/9/2012

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!

Excuse me miss, is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants tonight!

Share yours, I'm building a collection.

3 Comments, 106 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
Solving the Problem   11/30/2012

According to a news report, a certain private charter school in San Antonio was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of twelve-year-old girls who were beginning to use lipstick would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance ...

2 Comments, 174 Views, 12 Votes ,4.57 Score
eilendover 40 F
8  Articles
Sonofabitches   11/26/2012


I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store. I thought Ohhh Great I got in the wrong line! There were 2 women ahead of me just yacking away and not paying attention to the line moving. I looked behind me and saw 6 other people in line looking just as annoyed as i was. I was just about to grab my stuf and jump to another checkout when 1 of the ladies piped ...

2 Comments, 161 Views, 8 Votes ,2.09 Score
dcrel123 42 M
10  Articles
Best Joke   11/24/2012

plz share the best joke u ever heard...

1 Comments, 49 Views, 2 Votes ,1.04 Score
Eviloutlaw1 62 M
2  Articles
Cowboy   11/24/2012

The Cowboy position:

Mount your wife from behind, reach under her and grab on to both of her breasts and say "Hey, these are almost as nice as your sisters!" try to hold on for eight seconds.

0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
prod1013 35 M
11  Articles
Happy Thanksgiving   11/23/2012

The Chicken turned to the Turkey and said, "HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!"

The Turkey said to the Chicken, "f$$k you man!!"

1 Comments, 66 Views, 4 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One more time - different version   11/19/2012

Old Man And The Beaver

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my . "So what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then ...

0 Comments, 168 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
ULGY   11/17/2012

I know a girl thats so ulgy that to perform birth contol she leaves the lights on...

0 Comments, 59 Views, 7 Votes ,0.75 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
At the dentist office   11/16/2012

Just at the moment when the dentist was leaning over towards his patient to start on her teeth, he was startled.

"Excuse me, Miss, those are my balls that you are holding."

"I know" she answered sweetly. "Let us be very careful not to hurt each other...OK?"

0 Comments, 145 Views, 6 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, “Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?” “I’m in love, ” the boy replied. Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, “With whom?” “With YOU!” he said. “But Johnny, ” she said gently, “don’t you see how silly that is? ...

1 Comments, 182 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LOST IN THE DESERT   11/15/2012

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink. The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me." The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your ...

0 Comments, 120 Views, 4 Votes ,2.08 Score
rajesh6134 42 M
9  Articles
fuckking of monkeys   11/14/2012

i was taking class in open door female monkey enterd followed by male monkey.soon male started fucking.female students also saw and saw boys!

0 Comments, 116 Views, 7 Votes
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Here are jokes about blond men! - Really Bad   11/13/2012

Finally, after years of receiving blonde jokes about women, here are jokes about blond men!

Blond Men Jokes

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." ------------------------------------ Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one ...

2 Comments, 138 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BACK & FORTH   11/9/2012

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....

Back and forth...back and and and out.

Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, ...

1 Comments, 136 Views, 6 Votes ,2.80 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
froze to death   11/9/2012

A Native American chief woke up one morning and decided to go into town. The nearest town was about 20 miles away, so he would ride his about half-way, 'til he got to the freeway, and then tie up his and hitchhike the rest of the way.

He got to the road, and stuck out his thumb. Soon a guy in a bright red sports car picked him up. After the guy got back on the freeway, he started ...

0 Comments, 136 Views, 7 Votes
bamaguy37 57 M
9  Articles
The other day   11/2/2012

I was fooling around with this married woman the other day on her kitchen table. When we heard the front door open and she said...OMG!!! it's my husband!!..she said QUICK try the back door...Well I guess I should have run..But ya dont get that kind of offer every day...

0 Comments, 232 Views, 15 Votes ,4.20 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PANTS FIT   11/2/2012

Did U hear about the man with five penises? His pants fits like a glove...

1 Comments, 31 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
portorchardcoup 57 C
4  Articles
Dumbest Ever   10/29/2012

Whats Green and sings?

Elvis Parsley

1 Comments, 105 Views, 8 Votes ,0.70 Score
prehistoric   10/29/2012

What do you call a lesbian dinosaurs


1 Comments, 98 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HOW COULD YOU????????   10/25/2012

I arrived home from work and my girlfriend started punching and kicking me.

"How could you?!" she screamed. "How fucking could you?! You've fucked my sister you bastard!"

"I'm sorry, " I confessed. "I got to work and she was lying there...naked. I'm only human. What was I supposed to do?"

"The fucking autopsy, " she cried.

1 Comments, 220 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
WHAT SEPARATES?   10/25/2012

What separates humans from animals ?

The mediterranean...............

2 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,0.80 Score
southhills 42 M
1  Article
Beer vs Vagina   10/24/2012

Not sure I agree with this 100%... but kind of funny!

Beer vs. Vagina

1.Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER

2.Warm beer tastes awful. One point to VAGINA

3.A really cold beer is satisfying. One point to BEER

4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. One point to ...

2 Comments, 156 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween.... Guess they don't like random strangers knocking on their doors...

2 Comments, 73 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
wannatry4sum 61 C
12  Articles
Female Hormones and Beer   10/18/2012

Scientists have revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists gave 100 men 24 bottles of beer each.

The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn’t drive.

4 Comments, 158 Views, 16 Votes ,4.89 Score
wannatry4sum 61 C
12  Articles
Jesus and the Democrat   10/15/2012

A Republican man in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon

and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. He looked across the

restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes, " so the Republican requested that she give

Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come ...

2 Comments, 120 Views, 14 Votes ,5.06 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
LEARN TO FLY   10/13/2012

A C-130 was in rout to a mission when a cocky F-16 pilot flew up next to him.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot "watch this!" He went into a barrel roll followed by a steap climb then finished with a sonic boom when he reached the speed of sound.

The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.

The C-130 pilot responded "that was impressive, but watch this." ...

1 Comments, 111 Views, 10 Votes ,1.99 Score

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2, 000; is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: ...

1 Comments, 151 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
Lettuce and Tomato   10/11/2012

One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"

So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"

Suddenly the younger brother (on ...

1 Comments, 129 Views, 11 Votes ,2.23 Score
pack up   10/11/2012

Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, "Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!"

"Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" "Whatever. Just so you're out of the house by noon!"

0 Comments, 68 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
Mommy's Balloons   10/11/2012

Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.

Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are ...

0 Comments, 147 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Making Cakes   10/11/2012

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her ...

1 Comments, 103 Views, 9 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

And today's lesson is... Capitalization

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, texting, and tweeting I've noticed that more and more young people are sending messages and emails while completely ignoring the art of capitalization. For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of the following statement. "Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off ...

1 Comments, 107 Views, 9 Votes ,3.00 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MIDGET   10/9/2012

Hear about the Midget that went into a gay bar, kisses every guy in joint....

1 Comments, 107 Views, 8 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
Confucius says...   10/9/2012

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for ...

1 Comments, 69 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
JOSE   10/9/2012

Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: "What's in the bags?" "Senior, It's only sand." replies Jose.

"Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!"

The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is ...

2 Comments, 111 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
CHURCH   10/9/2012

The boy arrived late for Sunday school. His teacher knew that he was always very conscientious and asked if something were wrong. He told his father that he wanted to go fishing but his father said that he should come to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked if his father explained to him why he should come to church rather than to go catch fish.

"Yes, ma'am, " ...

1 Comments, 101 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
"African Roulette" .....   10/8/2012

The Ambassador of a small African nation made a visit to Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian Ambassador.

For three days the African was wined and dined and treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.

On the final day of his visit, the Russian said "As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian ...

0 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,3.17 Score
"Who Enjoys Sex The Most ?" ....   10/8/2012

A male and female are in a bar, and over a few drinks are debating the age old subject of Sex, and who gets the most pleasure from it.

He says "Men obviously enjoy sex more, why do you think we are constantly obsessed with getting laid ?".

She says "That proves nothing, think about this".........

"When your ear itches, and you put your finger ...

0 Comments, 131 Views, 10 Votes ,3.19 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
I didn’t know Maxine was in to politics   10/7/2012

I didn’t know Maxine was in to politics.

On Obama..

It seems that once again all us white folks have missed a great opportunity. While the black people attended Obama's campaign rallies, we should have broken into their homes and gotten all our shit back.

1 Comments, 103 Views, 16 Votes ,2.39 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
UNGRATEFUL!!!   10/7/2012



Today I had to go to Sears. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down ...

3 Comments, 115 Views, 13 Votes
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
HUBBY DIED   10/4/2012

A woman called her doctor and told him she was concerned because her husband was eating food all the time. The doctor told her not to worry, the food was nutricous and he would get tired of it after a while. Three weeks later she called the Doc and was hysterical on the phone. "Doctor my husband just died." The doctor was horrified, thinking 'malpractice, malpractice' He asked her, "Don't tell ...

3 Comments, 168 Views, 11 Votes ,2.61 Score
For thinkers   10/4/2012

The great philospher and mathematician, Renee Descartes walks into a bar and sits down on a stool.

The bartender asks him is he wants a beer.

Descartes says, "I think not." And with that he disappears.

1 Comments, 111 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
"The Octopus" .......   9/29/2012

A Man walks into a pub with an Octopus under his arm. He sits it on the bar and pulls up a stool and sits down.

After he orders a drink he stands up again and loudly announces across the pub.

"I bet anyone in here £100 that this Octopus can play any instrument put in front of it".

Not one customer believed it, and for some time nobody responded.

But then a ...

1 Comments, 153 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
"The Ranch Hand" ....   9/29/2012

A successful Rancher died and left everything to his devoted Wife. She was a good looking Woman, and was determined to keep the ranch. But as she knew very little about ranching she decided to put an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two Men applied for the job. One was gay and the other was a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when nobody else applied, she ...

1 Comments, 180 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
"Be Careful What You Name Your " ....   9/26/2012

Four Mothers with their were attending a group therapy session.

The Pychologist addressed each Mother one by one.

To the 1st he said "you are obsessed with food, that is why you named your Candy".

To the 2nd he said "you are obsessed with money, that is why you named you Penny".

To the 3rd he said "you are obsessed with alcohol, that is why you ...

1 Comments, 173 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
"A Woman's Dilemma" ....   9/26/2012

If a Woman finds it difficult watching a Man masturbate, then should she....

A/ ... Spend more time doing it herself to get in touch with her own sexuality ?

B/ ... Spend more time with her partner discussing openly and experimenting sexually ?

C/ ... Sit somewhere else on the train ?

0 Comments, 150 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score
"A Recent Blow Job Survey" .....   9/26/2012

A recent survey on why Men liked Blow Jobs produced the following results...

10% liked the Feeling.

12% liked the Dominance.

78% liked the Silence.

1 Comments, 158 Views, 13 Votes ,3.65 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

An Israeli doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor says, "That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor says. "In my country, medicine is so advanced ...

4 Comments, 149 Views, 12 Votes ,3.15 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
FAVOR   9/25/2012

Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"

His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."

Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it ...

3 Comments, 141 Views, 10 Votes ,0.60 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO IRISHMEN   9/25/2012

Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the town and the beer, when a severed head rolls along the ground.

Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy, "Does that look like Sean to you?"

Paddy replied, "Nah, Sean was taller than that."

3 Comments, 137 Views, 8 Votes ,1.62 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
DOPEY AND THE POPE   9/25/2012

Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!" Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."

The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ...

3 Comments, 121 Views, 8 Votes ,1.39 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THRIFT   9/25/2012

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically. "How much to repair it?" The Scot asks the ...

1 Comments, 108 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
PADDY & MICK   9/25/2012

Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks about Mick. The nurse says, Oh he's out in Rehab exercising'. Paddy couldn't believe it, but here's Mick out the back ...

2 Comments, 107 Views, 5 Votes ,0.86 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
KNOCK AT THE DOOR   9/25/2012

A muslim woman came knocking on my door earlier today.

I didn't open it- just looked through the letterbox.

Let's see how she fucking likes it!

3 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,1.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MY GRANDDAD   9/25/2012

My grandad said "It's going to be hot this weekend.

I said "Tell me something I don't know!"

Grandad replied "Your Nana's arse can take my whole fist."

1 Comments, 84 Views, 5 Votes ,0.53 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Ole and Lars   9/25/2012

Ole and Lars were looking at a Sears Minnesota catalog and admiring the models.

Ole says to Lars, “Haff yew seen da beautiful girls in dis catalog?”

Lars replies, “Ya, dey are very beautiful. And look at da price!”

Ole says, with wide eyes, “Wow, dey aren't verra expensive. At dis price, I'm buying vun.”

Lars smiles and pats him on the back. “Good ...

1 Comments, 102 Views, 7 Votes ,1.77 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Like everything in life   9/25/2012

Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you ...

2 Comments, 116 Views, 3 Votes ,1.47 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Car broke down   9/23/2012

A woman from Minnesota was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills ...

0 Comments, 165 Views, 5 Votes ,2.49 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Top ten tips to know if you have PMS   9/20/2012

10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

5. Everyone's head looks ...

1 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
A man was riding his Harley   9/19/2012

A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous ...

1 Comments, 135 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
Twice a day   9/18/2012

This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help me. I just can't stop having sex!"

"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.

"That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day, " replies the man.


1 Comments, 127 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
Car Salesmen   9/18/2012

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, "Boy, this economy sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass!" Too late, he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away. Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language. "That’s okay, " the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem. If I don’t sell more ass ...

1 Comments, 106 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
An important message from our President   9/17/2012

An important re-election message from our President to his supporters:

نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه. ر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش سايه دگر نمي دان نور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست ننور اگر رفت سايه پيدا نيست نقش ديوار و چشم خيره ما نقش ...

1 Comments, 69 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
OOOPS   9/15/2012

A woman had just started a job with the company that makes Tickle Me Elmo dolls. She sat at the end of the assembly line. She put two marbles into a small square of cotton and sewed this to the dolls. This took some time, so the assembly line was backed up. The foreman complained and the Human Resources Director came to investigate. He watched her sew the two marbles to the dolls and then, ...

2 Comments, 111 Views, 6 Votes ,1.37 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
SLOW LEARNER   9/15/2012

Business was slow, at the run-down old hotel, so the owner thought to make a bit of cash on the side operating as a . So he picks up a young blond runaway at the bus station, and sets her to work in one of the rooms. Third day of his new venture he gets a call from yet another disgruntled patron. He goes up to the room the see what the problem is this time. The john says "Look here.. I paid ...

1 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
QUESTION   9/15/2012

Q: What does 90 year old pussy taste like?

A: Depends

3 Comments, 77 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
90 YEAR OLD MAN   9/15/2012

A ninety-year-old man living in a rest home was granted a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar, sat at the end, and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar, and told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink.

As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady, and they went to her apartment, where they got stinky and ...

1 Comments, 112 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
TWO BIKERS   9/15/2012

A duded-up RUB walks into a seedy tavern. He sits down at the bar, and then notices a grizzled old biker, arms folded, staring blankly down at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of watching this, the RUB bravely asks the old biker, "If you ain't gonna eat that would you mind if I do?"

The old 'veteran of a thousand rides' slowly turns his head, looks the RUB in the ...

1 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,1.19 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
RIDDLE   9/15/2012

what did the doe say when she came out of the woods ? Thats the last time i do that for two bucks !...

1 Comments, 47 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
A RIDDLE   9/15/2012

Why would a bull drink a diet drink?

To get into a tight Jersey.

1 Comments, 34 Views, 6 Votes ,1.66 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
MIXED   9/15/2012

Walking through the park, I saw a sign saying 'Keep Off The Grass'. I'm trying. It's only been a week. How do they know? Are they watching?

I got talking to this guy who's a compulsive thief. I said, "So you're a klepto...""...maniac", he finished. Took the word straight from my mouth.

Imagine how awful it must be to suffer from both paranoia and multiple personality ...

1 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,1.69 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
THE ACCIDENT   9/15/2012

Paramedics attend a nasty accident involving a sports car. They see the driver screaming in pain and shout "Calm down sir, at least you haven't been flung out thru the windscreen like your girlfriend" The driver screams back "Have you seen what's in her mouth?"...

1 Comments, 91 Views, 6 Votes ,2.23 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles
BRUNETTE JOKE   9/15/2012

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body." "That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean" So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on. The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?" "No I'm a blonde", she replies. "I thought so.... your finger is broken.", ...

1 Comments, 86 Views, 6 Votes ,1.94 Score
"The Power Of The Badge" ......   9/15/2012

A DEA Officer came to my farm yesterday.

He said "I need to inspect and search your farm for any illegal growing drugs".

I replied "okay, but please do not go into that field over there".

The DEA Officer verbally exploded. "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !".

Reaching into his back pocket, the arrogant officer pulled out a badge ...

1 Comments, 123 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
It's doing well   9/12/2012

A British Engineer just started his own business in Afghanistan.

He's making land mines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing well.

He says prophets are going through the roof.

0 Comments, 117 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
Out of concern for the public at large   9/12/2012


(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. Is 700, 000.

( Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are: 120, 000.

(C) Accidental deaths per physician Is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.

Now think about this:


(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. Is 80, 000, 000. (Yes, that's ...

1 Comments, 99 Views, 7 Votes ,2.02 Score
rm_tazmantenn 74 M
2172  Articles
One more time   9/10/2012

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good ...

0 Comments, 108 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that ...

1 Comments, 147 Views, 12 Votes ,2.27 Score
Bump144 72 M
823  Articles

A man and his wife are having epic sex. She's cumming and screaming. The man looks up and sees his ten year old in the doorway, mouth open and eyes watering.

The little boy runs, crying into his room. The father comes in and says, "Johnny, what you saw was a natural act between two people who love each other. I want you to take it easy and stop crying."

Two nights later the ...

1 Comments, 130 Views, 8 Votes ,3.25 Score