Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

steel1462002 48 M
1  Article
Zootopia   6/26/2016

The joke told to Flash the sloth was 3 x as funny reading the Sloths running the dmv


1 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
A Long Italian Funeral   6/24/2016

ITALIAN FUNERAL - A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a a large on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men ...


2 Comments, 51 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Best We Can Offer   6/24/2016

A man goes to a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman behind the counter replies that she is the pharmacist, that she and her sister own the drugstore, and that there are no males employed there. “But surely I can help you, ” she says.

“This is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection that causes me a lot of pain and severe embarrassment. I was ...


2 Comments, 68 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
JoldmanL 71 M
9  Articles
Overheard on a golf course   6/23/2016

A Minister, a Bishop and a Rabbi were playing golf, the caddy came and asked a question that got them thinking and how to respond. "How do you decide what to give and what to keep.... They answered this way it is the 10 / 10 / 100 percent rule... This caused a big debate on how to apply it.... The Bishop said I draw a circle inside a circle and stand outside this circle. The Minister ...


2 Comments, 58 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
It's All In the Name   6/23/2016

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, "Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names - Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"

His father replied, "Look, , our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to ...


2 Comments, 63 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
scam!!!!   6/22/2016

WARNING: TO ALL THE MEN: READ THE FOLLOWING





Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customer s at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This ...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
A real page turner   6/22/2016

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book. The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her ...


3 Comments, 64 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
JoldmanL 71 M
9  Articles
When I was First Married   6/22/2016

When we were newly weds, My wife made fantastic meals... My work was crazy, and never knew what time I would get off. I would get home at all hours. The meals turned into TV Dinners. Then my wife said, from now on, I am going to treat you like a Greek God, No more TV dinners! I Felt Great hearing the GOOD NEWS!

;

;

;

; Three Months Later;

; ...


1 Comments, 64 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
Bighorn6666 54 M
6  Articles
Aussies   6/22/2016

An Australian is visiting Britain.

He's from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights, and just crosses the streets whenever and wherever, almost getting hit by cars all the time.

A police officer sees him and shouts: " Oi! You there, did you come here to die?"

The Aussie replies: " Nah mate, I came yesterday."


2 Comments, 36 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
Bighorn6666 54 M
6  Articles
Assertive   6/22/2016

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist for help. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem. He gave the man a book on assertiveness which the man read on the subway home.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a finger he said "From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house ...


1 Comments, 50 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
FLSTC23 59 M
1  Article
A guy gets a ....   6/21/2016

So this friend of mine and me, we get together for a couple of beers or a twelver. So we're sitting out on the deck getting more than a little wasted, and he tells me he got a in NYC for $20.00.

"Yo! Twenty bucks, how was she?" I slurred back at him.

"She was great, but she gave me the crabs."

"So what do you expect for twenty bucks, dude? LOBSTER???"

Peace ...


1 Comments, 42 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
whats wrong hun?   6/21/2016

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes. "What happened to you?" asked his wife. "I'll never understand women, " he replied. "I was riding up in an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her behind, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me in the eye!" "I can certainly appreciate that, " said the wife, "But how did you ...


3 Comments, 67 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
reallybigcock72 45 M
3  Articles
always horny   6/20/2016

why was tigger looking down the toilet looking for pooh lol


1 Comments, 20 Views, 4 Votes ,0.53 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Little Johnny is at it again   6/20/2016

A young teacher was giving her six-year-old class a lesson about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class.

She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, "Oh miss, oh miss!" with his arm pumping.

"Yes, Johnny, what is it?" she asked, trying to ...


3 Comments, 92 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Blonde from First Class   6/15/2016

On a flight to New York the flight attendant said to a lady sitting in first class, "Ma´am, I'm afraid you'll have to sit in the back since you have a coach ticket." The lady responded, "Listen, I'm a beautiful blonde, I'm going to NY, and I'm sitting in first class."

The two argued for a while but finally the flight attendant went and got the first officer - who came and said, ...


2 Comments, 102 Views, 13 Votes ,4.32 Score
funny joke   6/14/2016

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
The Elite Chicken Farmer   6/14/2016

The , in need to file her taxes, visits an accountant for the first time. “Before we begin I’ll need some information.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc, and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

“I’m a , ” she says. The accountant balks and says, “No, no, that will not work; too gross. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman says, ...


1 Comments, 77 Views, 9 Votes ,5.14 Score
rad200159 59 M
1  Article
Little Red Riding hood   6/13/2016

Little red riding hood told here mother she was going to grandmas house to visit. Her mother responded "Don't cut through the woods or the big bad wolf will suck your titties dry". She assures her mother she won't and heads out.

When she gets to the cutoff through the woods, she makes the turn and takes the shortcut. Shortly after the turn little red riding hood crosses a stream and ...


1 Comments, 82 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Cheesehead Types   6/12/2016

Two men were driving through Dubuque, Iowa when they got pulled over by a Dubuque Police Officer. The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolled down his window and "WHACK, " the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked. "You're in Iowa, , " the Officer answered. "When we pull you over in Iowa, you ...


1 Comments, 73 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
smart woman!!   6/11/2016

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an early afternoon quickie. "Don't worry, " he assures her, "my wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk." As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, "We have to stop! I forgot to bring birth control!" "No problem, " he replies, "I'll get my wife's diaphragm." ...


2 Comments, 102 Views, 14 Votes ,4.26 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
LETTERS   6/10/2016

A woman went in for a physical the other day. The doctor asked her to disrobe. When she did the doctor noticed she had a big red "H" on her chest.

The doctor said: That's strange. How did you get the red "H" on your chest?

The woman replied: My husband went to Harvard and beloved the school so much he never takes his block sweater off...even when we make love.

Several ...


1 Comments, 77 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Group Therapy for Moms   6/9/2016

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small . "You all have obsessions", he observed.

To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your Candy."

He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's name, Penny."

He turned to the third mom. "Your ...


2 Comments, 81 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
What Part of your body goes to heaven first ?   6/8/2016

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, - “When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first ?”

Suzy raised her hand and said, - “I think it's your hands.”

- “Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy ?”

Suzy replied, - “Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front ...


1 Comments, 114 Views, 10 Votes ,6.37 Score
Phi_you_up 34 M
2  Articles
3 drunk guy get in a taxi   6/7/2016

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly ...


0 Comments, 57 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
the difference!   6/2/2016

Mechanic vs Surgeon

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the ...


1 Comments, 99 Views, 12 Votes ,5.80 Score
sexaddictdon 67 M
31  Articles
Haircut....   6/1/2016

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. ...


1 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Laught during sex   5/26/2016

Hi guys and gals!

I in most cases love joking and making fun during sex. But I know it may be irritating for most of the people. How would you respond to a partner who laughs and tries to make jokes during sex: insist on being serious or have fun together?


3 Comments, 44 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
The Sneeze   5/23/2016

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds. The man went back to reading his book. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more. Although assuming the woman might ...


0 Comments, 111 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
HISTORY OF THE FAMOUS MIDDLE FINGER   5/23/2016

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they would be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
poor bubba!!!   5/20/2016

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

Bubba said, "Shingles."

So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles."

So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history ...


1 Comments, 95 Views, 12 Votes ,5.45 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Outstanding Ears   5/20/2016

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him, as they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had ...


1 Comments, 111 Views, 11 Votes ,6.35 Score
mikey197855 45 M
12  Articles
Choo Choo   5/18/2016

How does a train eat? Chew chew.


1 Comments, 8 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
A $500 Porsche   5/16/2016

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "$500 Porsche! New!" The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, "It's worth a shot."

So he went to the lady's house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche. ...


3 Comments, 114 Views, 14 Votes ,3.46 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
which hole?   5/9/2016

A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk. While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 19 Votes ,6.29 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
Keys   5/8/2016

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My boyfriend has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 13 Votes ,5.66 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
labels!!!   5/7/2016

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Frito's:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use ...


1 Comments, 61 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
Head Nurse   5/7/2016

How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees.


2 Comments, 31 Views, 7 Votes ,3.04 Score
Otis_Good 71 M
18  Articles
Prince   5/4/2016

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said, "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will ...


2 Comments, 95 Views, 9 Votes ,6.20 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Which Came First   5/1/2016

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face.

The egg, looking very hacked off, grabs the quilt, rolls over and says, "Well, we finally answered THAT question!"


1 Comments, 32 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
perseverance!!!!   4/28/2016

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her ...


2 Comments, 92 Views, 13 Votes ,4.65 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Wedding Gifts   4/28/2016

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two. The electrician decided to wire the bed, with alternating current of course. The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
swanman2015 67 M
9  Articles
Pink Shutters   4/26/2016

A man walks into a well known brothel, and asks the madam for the biggest, blackest girl they have.. Well, sure enough , upstairs, first door on the left. He goes up and opens the door, and there is Big Bertha, 460 lbs, if she is a hundred. She is laying on the bed , naked, giving him a real big smile. Her legs all spread wide. Her huge pussy lips hanging way down. He looks around for a ...


1 Comments, 101 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Want Some of This...   4/20/2016

A woman wants to surprise her husband for their 25th anniversary. She decides to go out buy some sexy lingerie. She picks up some crotch less panties and a new bra.

When the hubby gets home from work she's sprawled out on the bed wearing her new lingerie. In her sexiest voice she says "Do you want some of this, big boy?”

Slightly frightened, the man exclaims "Hell no, look ...


1 Comments, 109 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
bottles up!!!   4/17/2016

Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk ...


3 Comments, 115 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
bottles up!!!   4/17/2016

Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk ...


2 Comments, 29 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
50th Wedding Anniversary   4/16/2016

At the Parish Church, they have a weekly mens' marriage seminar.

At the session last week, Father asked Rufus, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Rufus replied to the assembled husbands - "Well, I try my best to treat her real nice, with respect, ...


2 Comments, 129 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
Nurse check-up   4/16/2016

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, ...


1 Comments, 132 Views, 14 Votes ,5.38 Score
salsagirl822 67 F
21  Articles
Want Coffee   4/16/2016

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee." The waiter says, "Sure, no problem, coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
reality!!!   4/12/2016

I was out shopping and my total was $36.50. So I gave the girl at the register two twenties, six dollars and fifty cents so I would get a $10. The little girl looked at the money then looked at me then looked at the money then looked at me. With a look like I was the biggest idiot she had ever seen she said "I don't need this." And gave me my 6.50 back. I collected my 3.50 in change and walked ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
terracamo 64 M
10  Articles
Satan and Clinton   4/2/2016

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for Bill Clinton who sat calmly in his pew without moving, ...


1 Comments, 153 Views, 14 Votes ,5.38 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Car Deal   4/2/2016

An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.

"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75, 000 asking price, " said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65, 000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this ...


1 Comments, 143 Views, 13 Votes ,6.33 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
wanna bet?   3/30/2016

A little old lady walked into the main branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to open an account with the bank and deposit the $3 million she had in the bag. She said that prior to doing so she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the large amount of money involved. The teller opened the bag and saw ...


1 Comments, 138 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude goes to his buddies...   3/30/2016

Dude goes over to his buddy's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

Hi, is Tony home? No, he went to the store. Well, you mind if I wait? No, come in?

They sit down and Dude says, Ya know, you have the greatest tits I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one.

Chick thinks about this for a second and figures what the fuck - a hundred ...


1 Comments, 127 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
4 kinds of sex   3/27/2016

There are four kinds of sex : HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room. BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom. HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU" COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in ...


2 Comments, 59 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
all in the drink!   3/22/2016

Bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to Earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your ...


3 Comments, 103 Views, 9 Votes ,3.85 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Perfect Tits   3/22/2016

Dude was walking down the street sees a woman with perfect tits. He says to her, “Hey, would you let me bite your tits for $100 dollars?”

“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking away.

Dude turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. “Would you let me bite your tits for $1, 000 dollars?” – he asks again.

“Listen ...


1 Comments, 118 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Boiled Eggs   3/21/2016

She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says, “You’ve got to make love to me – this very moment.”

His eyes light up and he thinks, “This is my lucky day.” Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then gives it his all on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she says, “Thanks, ” and returns to the stove. More than ...


1 Comments, 89 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
DINNER DATE   3/20/2016

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude shares a room   3/19/2016

By the time Dude pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded. "Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, " admitted the manager, "And he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loud that ...


2 Comments, 95 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude goes to the barber shop...   3/19/2016

Dude stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." Dude left. A few days later, Dude stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." Dude left. A week later, Dude stuck his head in the shop ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh come on   3/17/2016

Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: Yeah, well I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you always do this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I'm hot. Husband: You get hot at the craziest times. Wife: If you love me, I wouldn't have to beg you. Husband: If you love me, you'd be more considerate. ...


2 Comments, 105 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Alimony   3/17/2016

A divorce court judge said to the husband, "Mr Geraghty, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair, your honour, " he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."


1 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Somebody Stole My Car Officer   3/17/2016

A well dress but obviously intoxicated gentleman stumbled up to a policeman at a busy downtown intersection and voiced a thick-tongued complaint.

“Somebody stole my car, officer, ” he announced groggily. “I had it right here on the tip of my ignition key.”

“We’ll go right to the station and report it, ” the cop replied, amused at the guy’s condition.

...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Lets get Mikie...   3/15/2016

A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the ...


1 Comments, 90 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
wittyhumor 41 M
37  Articles
Right time, right place?!!   3/15/2016

I'm in this very dirty place, right. Just stroking my cock here. As soon as I get in to it, this guy walks in and says, wow nice cock, it's so big!! So I say, what would you like to do with it? He says, what do you mean? So I say, sex, what you want? He says, the good kind! So I say, I'm sorry, just a sexxy cock here. Then he says, but I like sexxy cock......


1 Comments, 61 Views, 3 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude bumps into some chick   3/15/2016

So, dude is in a hotel lobby. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and his elbow goes into her tits. So dude turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your titties, I know you'll excuse me." She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."


1 Comments, 43 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude walks into an elevator   3/15/2016

So, dude walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" "Hmmm, " he replies. "It must be your feet, then."


1 Comments, 40 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
What's The Hurry   3/14/2016

This guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender to line up 10 glasses and start filling them up with beer. So the bartender starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down.

The bartender says, hay buddy whats your hurry?

The man says if you had what I have you would do the same thing.

The bartender backs up and says ...


1 Comments, 62 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
Problem Solving 101   3/13/2016

Husband: Honey, I have problems at work. Wife: Not "I", but "we" have problems - since we are married, your problems are mine problems as well. Husband: Ok, then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl got pregnant from us.






2 Comments, 40 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Alotta 'splanin to do...   3/12/2016

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" ...


1 Comments, 60 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Birds and bees and things that please   3/12/2016

Mom's in the kitchen making dinner, when her walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother says, “Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The girl looks confused so the mother tells her, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby..” The seems to ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
wittyhumor 41 M
37  Articles
The dirty dyed guy.....   3/11/2016

So I'm in this perfect neighborhood just smoking my pipe here. When, just then, this guy walks up to me, and asks me someting. He said that I got a nice pipe there can I suck it? So I say that this huge sexxy cock is just one step away from you. So he asks which foot should I put forward?


3 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes
UZIoSUICIDE 50 M
27  Articles
Dude goes to hell   3/11/2016

So, this dude goes to hell... When he gets there a demon strolls up and says "How's it goin'" Dude says, "Pretty fucked up" "Why" asks the demon. Dude says "Well, To begin with I died and I'm in hell" The demon says, "DUDE, ya act like its the end of the world.. Hells GREAT" "Let me ask ya something, do ya like to drink" Dude says, "HELL YEAH" "YOUR GONNA LOVE MONDAYS!" says the demon "Monday is ...


1 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
is that all?   3/8/2016

A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his ...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
nice2eatu2019 59 M
41  Articles
Curious Blonde   3/6/2016

A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy. The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem.

The brunet whispers to the blonde, "Someone should give him head and shoulders", and the blonde says, "How do you give shoulders.


1 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
Last Kiss   3/3/2016

A group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stop.

The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide, " she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity he asked "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"

So, ...


2 Comments, 136 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
The favor   2/28/2016

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the priest beside her: "Father, may I ask a favor?" 

"Of course. What may I do for you?" 

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" 

...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
Drunk Driving Test   2/24/2016

A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the  driver would do a little ...


1 Comments, 141 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Confession   2/17/2016

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: 

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many , grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' 

Man: 'What sins?'  ...


1 Comments, 163 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
rescue!!!   2/9/2016

reply to this post rate flag

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a ...


1 Comments, 149 Views, 19 Votes ,5.50 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
vacation!!!!   2/3/2016

God decided he needed a vacation One of his aides suggested Venus. "Forget it, " God said, "I went there 10, 000 years ago and got sunburned."

Another aide suggested Jupiter. "No way, " God replied. "I went there 5, 000 years ago and froze my butt off."

A third adviser suggested Earth. "That's the worst of all, " God answered angrily. "I was there 2, 000 years ago and they're ...


1 Comments, 83 Views, 8 Votes ,2.55 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
marriage!!!   2/3/2016

Dingey's father was disturbed when he found out his was masturbating several times a day out in the barn.

"Boy, you gotta quit that! Go out and get yourself a wife."

So Dingey went out and found himself a pretty young girl, to whom he got married. But a week or so after the wedding, the father found Dingey 'choking the chicken' again.

"You crazy boy!" he yelled, ...


3 Comments, 151 Views, 10 Votes ,4.98 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
the challenge   2/2/2016

One evening, two guys were in a bar arguing over which of them can have sex the most times in one night. They decide to settle the issue by going to the local whorehouse and gathering experimental evidence, as it were.

So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the ladies, and go to their respective rooms.

Johnny energetically balls his and, reaching up with a ...


2 Comments, 118 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
a+   2/1/2016

Dan, a college student, is home for summer break. In order to make a few extra bucks he decides that he is going to apply for a part time job at the local K-Mart. Dan fills out the standard application and is called into the manager’s office. The manager is the typical K-Mart employee — skinny, glasses, pocket protector and K-Mart clothes. Also, he takes a little too much pride in working at ...


2 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
bipolybabe69 57 F
4  Articles
Oops! The Laundry Guy now knows I'm a SLUT.   2/1/2016

This is a true story...much to my chagrin.

I enjoy double entendres and sexy texting with friends. I text indecent proposals to my partner in crime all day long. I'm a fast typist, so when I'm at home, I text from my computer in the Mac program iMessage*, which shows all the people I'm texting in a line like below:

[image]

Each week, I text The Laundry Guy (TLG) to ask ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 7 Votes ,2.79 Score
A depressed young woman...   1/31/2016

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks to end it all, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you ...


3 Comments, 82 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
Sportsman’s Double   1/31/2016

A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot . They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”? “What’s that?” the guy asked. “It’s a mother and threesome.” she said.

As the guy’s mind ...


2 Comments, 88 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
the vagina!!!   1/31/2016

The best engine in the world is the Vagina. It can be started with one finger, It is self lubricating, It takes any size piston, And it changes it's own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.....


2 Comments, 47 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wise soul!!!   1/30/2016

A senior citizen was walking across a damp meadow when he heard a female voice say, "Sir, I would like to ask a great favor of you "He looked around and saw only a frog sitting on a grass pod. "I must be going nuts, " he thought, "There's no one here."

The voice then said, "Please, sir. Please help me."

Again all he saw was the frog, looking straight at him. "Who said that?" ...


3 Comments, 96 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
surprize!!   1/30/2016

At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night.

One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.

"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother." He said with all the innocence he could muster.

"Oh, she'll be surprised ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh billy!!!   1/28/2016

Little Billy was at home doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that of a bitch is nine.” In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying. “BILLY!!! What are you doing? What are you saying??” Little Billy answered “I’m doing my math homework Mom.” “And is that what the teacher taught you?” she ...


2 Comments, 105 Views, 9 Votes ,4.92 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
awesome ride   1/28/2016

I bought a new Dodge Challenger. I returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked.

The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Watch this!", he said, "Nelson"! The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!", He continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
A toast for the birds   1/28/2016

Cheers for the stork, who brings good babies. Cheers to the raven, who brings bad babies. And most of all, Cheers to the swallow, who brings no babies!!


1 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
Two women are walking home....   1/27/2016

Two women are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee, so they stop at a cemetery. With nothing to wipe with one uses her panties and the other uses a nearby wreath.

The next day one of the women's husbands calls the other, "They are never going out again! My wife came home without panties!"

The other replies, "You think that's bad? My wife came home with a card in ...


2 Comments, 25 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
putting it in   1/27/2016

A man goes to church and tells the priest "Father, I almost cheated on my wife."

The priest asks him "How do you almost cheat on your wife?"

The man says "Well, me and the woman were naked but we just rubbed against each other."

The priest looks at him disgusted and says "Rubbing is the same as putting it in. Never do it again, say five Hail Mary's and put $100 in the ...


2 Comments, 54 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
lnghairlover 57 M
1  Article
my favorite come on   1/27/2016

one of my favorite come on is to approach my intended and warm them up then ask " ya want to go necking some? i promise to be a good boy? i will keep my hands above the waist at all times! and my head below!


1 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
all night long!!!   1/27/2016

Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.

The first dwarf not only can't get a hard-on, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other grunting "One, two three, uhh...one, two three, uhh..."

In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf, "So how was it?"

The first dwarf says, "It sucked. I couldn't get a hard-on ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
calling to say thank you!!   1/25/2016

A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.

When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying on the bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that the president of the board arranged for you."

The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the ...


2 Comments, 92 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
swanman2015 67 M
9  Articles
Retired US Navy Veteran   1/24/2016

The old guy is up in his attic going thru his old Navy chest, that had all his Navy pictures, and things in. He started trying on the old Navy clothes, . The Navy hat was way too small. His Navy shirt was way too small. And his pants were way too short. He is standing there, with one sock on his dick, jacking like a mad man. He goes , Well, at least the socks still fits.


2 Comments, 49 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
wildaspirations 45 F
3  Articles
The last rites   1/22/2016

Some guys were sitting in a bar having a conversation.

One of them says, "What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?"

They think about it for a while, and then one of them answers, "I want them to say I was a good guy, and that I would be remembered as a very kind man."

The second guy nodded and said, "Yeah, I want them to say that I didn't deserve to ...


3 Comments, 101 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
wildaspirations 45 F
3  Articles
TEXT   1/22/2016

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text:

"If you are laughing send me your smile.

If you are crying send me your tears.

If you are eating send me a bite.

If you are drinking send me a sip.

If you are awake send me your thoughts.

If you are sleeping send me your dreams.

I love you!"

The husband, typically non ...


1 Comments, 65 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
johnny3840 63 C
1  Article
Sitting under a palm tree   1/13/2016

Did you hear the one about the two Arabs sitting under a palm tree eating their dates?


2 Comments, 46 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
Exercises for those over 55   1/2/2016

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

  Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. 

  After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a ...


2 Comments, 101 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Little Bruce   1/1/2016

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,  but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,  "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing,  Mr. Smith ...


1 Comments, 162 Views, 9 Votes ,5.78 Score
Politically Correct Definitions   12/20/2015

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.' You must now refer to them as ‘APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS’.

  And furthermore, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a ‘BREASTED AMERICAN. '

  ...


1 Comments, 83 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
man down call 911!!!   12/19/2015

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"




2 Comments, 46 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
easy A!!!!   12/19/2015

After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it. Student: “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?” Professor: “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student: “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not ...


2 Comments, 137 Views, 11 Votes ,5.41 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wishlist!!!   12/16/2015

One hot summer day, a redneck came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the bar for a cold one.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the tied under that tree outside?"

The redneck said it was his.

"Your seems to be in heat."

The redneck replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up ...


1 Comments, 128 Views, 15 Votes ,5.27 Score
What did the chicken say to the blind farmer?   12/14/2015

Moo


2 Comments, 32 Views, 4 Votes ,0.92 Score
TravelingMan524 71 M
17  Articles
A twist on an old saying   12/12/2015

We have all heard the saying : <br><br> "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" <br><br> I like the one for the ladies that says: <br><br> "Why buy the hog when all you want is some sausage?


1 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
growing pain !!!!   12/11/2015

There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and jogs 5 miles a day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really suntanned all over except his private part, and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part, sticking out.

Two ...


3 Comments, 131 Views, 11 Votes ,5.41 Score
YummyLicousMe 33 F
3  Articles
Sex Jokes   12/11/2015

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


2 Comments, 22 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
Crows and Trucks   12/10/2015

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed ...


2 Comments, 105 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
The "Question"   12/7/2015

The little boy runs into the house. "Mommy, where did I come from?"

She hesitates and then decides he's old enough and takes him into the bedroom. She strips and lays on the bed. She spreads her legs and has him get between them. She points to her hole and says, "You came from here."

The boy started whooping and hollering and ran out of the house. His buddy hears him and ...


2 Comments, 234 Views, 15 Votes ,3.74 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Bad fit   12/7/2015

Guy going to same Doc for years keeps complaining of recurring migraines. After the tenth time the Doc tells him: '...I've done some research and if we castrate you that should relieve a lot of pressure and the bad headaches will clear up.' The guy balks and leaves the office. A month and two migraines later, he's back and consents to the operation. Everything goes well and he's feeling so ...


1 Comments, 123 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
what an ass!!!   12/6/2015

A married couple in their early sixties...



were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet and romantic restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each one wish.”

The wife answered, “Oh, I ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 11 Votes ,4.66 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
benny who?   12/6/2015

A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn't know him. Somebody walks in the bar and says "Hey Benny what's up?" so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn't know the first person they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside and see some one coming up to the bar and says "Hey Benny how are ...


2 Comments, 113 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
discreetmale618 63 M
2  Articles
Blonde Cop   12/6/2015

Blonde cop pulls over Blonde speeder. Blonde cop need to see your drivers license Blonde speeder digs thru her purse and asks What does it look like? Blonde cop It has your picture on it silly! Blonde speeder digs thru purse again and pulls out a compact and opens it Is this it? Hands it to blonde cop Blonde cop Well had I known you were a Police Officer I would have let you go right away!


3 Comments, 56 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Itish Men Declare War   12/3/2015

Irish man declares war  Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says "Hello Mr. Hussein, it is Paddy here. I am just ringing to let you know that we have declared war on your country." SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there is no point you declaring war on us, you would not stand a chance." Paddy ...


3 Comments, 84 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
Hospital Blues   12/3/2015

A woman called Mount Sainai Hospital. She said "Mount Sainai Hospital? hello, darling. I would like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I do not want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse. I want all the information from top to bottom, from a to z." The voice on the other line said "would you hold the line please, that is a very ...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
The Bet   12/3/2015

A little old lady went into the Headquarters of Bank of America carrying a large bag of money. She insisted that she speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account.

The receptionist objected, stating “You can't just walk in here and expect to see the president of the Bank of America. He's a very busy man.”

“But I'm here to make a very large cash deposit, ...


2 Comments, 161 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
The Statue   12/3/2015

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said. “Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. “Don't move until I tell you to, ” she whispered. “Just pretend you're a statue.”

“What's this honey?” her husband asked as he entered the room.

...


2 Comments, 134 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh shit!!!   12/3/2015

********************************** Doc, " says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change ...


3 Comments, 91 Views, 11 Votes ,3.54 Score
Otis_Good 71 M
18  Articles
A bargain   12/3/2015

Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store. At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a customer. When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot? Joe Bob replied "That's silver and it costs $100!"

"My goodness, that ...


5 Comments, 108 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Heros   12/2/2015

Three on the corner talking about their families. Boy #1: my granddad served in Vietnam and has all kind of medals. Boy #2: my dad was in Iraq and saved his whole platoon from an ambush. That's brave...he's a hero. Boy #3 had to think awhile: well last night I heard my dad tell mom that if she'd turn off the light he'd eat it. That's pretty brave eating glass and mom called him 'my ...


1 Comments, 69 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lets make a deal!!   12/1/2015

man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She then asked if there was something she could help the gentleman with. The man said "this is embarrassing for me, but I have a permanent erection which causes me a lot of problems and ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
Don't Mess with Seniors   12/1/2015

There were protesters at the grocery store handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one.

There was an elderly woman behind me and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.

The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady ...


4 Comments, 153 Views, 12 Votes ,6.51 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Literary   11/30/2015

Read any good books lately? How about these: 'The Glass Bra' by Seymore Tits, "Who Goosed the Moose' by Antlers In the Tree Tops, 'Snake Also Rises' by Flute Player and that classic 'Yoke-less Eggs' by Rosters with Rubbers.


2 Comments, 42 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
golfing   11/27/2015

Two lesbians were out playing golf. They tee off, one drive goes to the right, and one drive goes to the left.

One of them finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process, she hacks the hell out of the buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to ...


5 Comments, 150 Views, 14 Votes ,5.54 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wtf???   11/27/2015

A beautiful young woman about to undergo a minor operation is lying on a gurney in a hospital corridor awaiting the medical staff. A man in a white coat approaches her, lifts up the sheet, and visually examines her naked body. He walks away and confers with another man in a white coat. The second man then approaches the girl and performs the same examination. When a third man approaches her, ...


3 Comments, 123 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Depressed   11/25/2015

A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink.

"Is everything okay, pal?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn't talking to me for a month!"

Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, "Well, maybe that's kind of a good thing. You know, ..a little peace and quiet?"



"Yeah. But ...


2 Comments, 77 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Murphy the Golfer   11/23/2015

One day on Lucky Hole #13,  Murphy finally makes his first hole-in-one. Immediately, a leprechaun leaps into view and congratulates him.

  The leprechaun says, "For this hole-in-one, I will grant ye' one wish."

  The Irishman replies, "Can ye' make me pecker a wee bit longer."

  "Done" says the leprechaun.

  By the 14th hole the Murphy can tell something ...


4 Comments, 141 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
happy anniversary baby!!!   11/23/2015

A man asks his wife during a 25 marriage anniversary: - Darling, have you been unfaithful to me? - Yes, honey, three times. - When was the first time? - Do you remember the situation when you went to a bank, but nobody would give you any credit? And finally the CEO of the bank himself signed the credit allowance to you. - Thanks, darling. And when was the second time? - Do you remember when you ...


6 Comments, 153 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
The Day's Catch   11/23/2015

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the Smoky Lake Tavern.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.



A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.



'Fishing, ' replied the old man.



'Poor old fool' thought the gentleman, so he invited the ...


5 Comments, 85 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Army Induction   11/23/2015

Fifty one years ago, Herman James, a West Virginia mountain man, was drafted by the army.

On his first day, the army issued him a comb. That afternoon, the army barber sheared off all his hair.

On the second day, the army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, the army dentist yanked out seven of his rotten teeth.

On the third day, the army issued him a jock strap. ...


2 Comments, 63 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
poets!!!!   11/22/2015

it seems that two of the great Romantic British Poets, Shelly and Keats, died on the same day. When they got to heaven St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I only have room for one poet. I'll tell you what I'll do. Each of you must make up a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' The one who creates the best poem I'll let into heaven."

So Shelly goes first. He thinks a bit and after a few moments, ...


2 Comments, 80 Views, 7 Votes ,3.30 Score
Circumcised   11/21/2015

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

  She went back to find out what was going on.

  He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

  The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.

  He was to ...


2 Comments, 170 Views, 12 Votes ,3.68 Score
tesla_charismati 29 M
1  Article
Interesting choice of food   11/21/2015

This is for real. People are so creative. Ill let the picture speaks for itself.


3 Comments, 70 Views, 2 Votes ,0.34 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Here After Quandary   11/21/2015

Having met on BookofSex.com and after 7 Es back & forth, this couple finally makes a date. He takes her to a nice restaurant, where he wines & dines her. After desert he proposes a nice Motel within walking distance and she accepts. It's a nice little room and he gently asks: 'You need the bathroom first?' "No...you go ahead." 10 min.s later he pops out nude and is surprised to see her sitting on the ...


1 Comments, 91 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
The new milking machine   11/19/2015

A farmer ordered a hi-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he learned that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he ...


3 Comments, 176 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
growth!   11/19/2015

A woman is having a hard time getting her tomatoes to ripen so she goes to her neighbor with her problem. The neighbor says, "All you have to do is go out at midnight and dance around in the garden naked for a few minutes, and the tomatoes will become so embarrassed, they will blush bright red." The woman goes out at midnight and dances around her garden naked for a few minutes. The next morning, ...


3 Comments, 95 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
The Difference?   11/18/2015

What is the difference between sin and shame? > > > > > > > > Well . . . It is sometimes a sin when it slips in, but it is almost always a shame when it slips out.


1 Comments, 11 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
Blessed4WhiteBoy 64 M
1  Article
A terrible itch   11/18/2015

A 80 year old woman goes to the doctor complaining of a terrible itch between her legs, upon inspection, he tells her she has the crabs. The old lady replies"That's impossible, I am a virgin, and never have never been with a man." So she goes to get a second opinion from another doctor, he get's her feet up in the stirrups for a closer look. She explains she is a 80 year old virgin, and that the ...


2 Comments, 107 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lets get it on!!!   11/17/2015

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless. When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper explained that pulling down your eyelid means "Fuck you! " in gorilla language. The explanation didn't make the ...


3 Comments, 79 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
yea puppies!!!   11/16/2015

A father and his 6-year-old are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?" The father, not wanting to lie to his , says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the , and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further. The next day, the bursts into his parents' room and sees them ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
At the convent   11/16/2015

Three nuns sitting around in the garden. The eldest in her 70s was hard of hearing and usually kept to herself and was quietly knitting. The two younger nuns across from her were discussing their garden endeavors. The first one asks if the youngest nun had any success growing vegetables. "Oh my yes..the biggest Italian squash was this long", she said holding her hands a good foot apart, "and ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
SAD STORY... MAN KILLED ON GOLF COURSE.   11/15/2015

A foursome of men waited at the men's tee while a foursome of women was hitting in front of them -- taking their time.

When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet . Then she went over and missed it completely.

Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said ...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Jack and Jill   11/15/2015

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy.

But Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of cock because Jills real name was RANDY


1 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Bar Joke   11/14/2015

A guy goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?”

The guy replies, “Whiskey.”

The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”

The guy say, “168.”

The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves and the more ...


3 Comments, 93 Views, 8 Votes ,3.48 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
pledge!!!   11/13/2015

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two ...


4 Comments, 94 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
Golf on Fridays   11/12/2015

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.  When asked  what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

  On and on and on: neglect, emptiness, loneliness, lack of intimacy, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

  Finally, ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Jack & Jill   11/12/2015

Yep - they went up that hill to get the water. Jack fell down, broke his crown & Jill exclaimed: 'What a clumsy freaken aszhole Next time I get water...he stays at the bottom..'


2 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
WHAT RELIGION IS YOUR BRA?   11/11/2015

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type? '

' Look around, ' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. Actually, even with ...


2 Comments, 118 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
one for the veterans!!!   11/11/2015

One Sunday morning, the priest noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the priest walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Little Johnny."

"Good ...


3 Comments, 91 Views, 8 Votes ,6.26 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
shucks daylight saving time!   11/10/2015

A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I've just been given this state-of-the-art watch by Q and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's ...


2 Comments, 78 Views, 10 Votes ,6.17 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
you did this!   11/8/2015

Johnny’s girlfriend was in labor with they first . She was shouting out, “Get this out of me? Give me the drugs.”

She looked at him and said, “You did this to me you *******!”

He casually replied, “If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, ‘it’ll be too painful!’.”


3 Comments, 61 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh no!!   11/8/2015

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit ...


2 Comments, 73 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
Condom Explanation   11/7/2015

A man walks into a drug store with his adolescent . They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"

The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, . Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see, " replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school.

He looks over the display and picks up a package ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Alzheimer's has its advantages   11/7/2015

Bill, 85, married Sue, a lovely 25 year old . . .



Since her new husband is so old, Sue decides that after their wedding she and Bill should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.





After the wedding festivities Sue prepares herself for bed and the ...


1 Comments, 82 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
When you are over seventy, who gives a shit.   11/7/2015

I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my ass and said, "You're kind of cute you gotta phone number?" I said, "Yea you gotta pen?" She said "Yea", I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you". Cost me 6 stitches. When you are over seventy . . . who gives a shit. ...


3 Comments, 61 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
luv-va Jay-sus   11/7/2015

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and ... OH MY GOD!"

Silence followed ...

Some moments later, the captain came ...


1 Comments, 61 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
good side effects!   11/6/2015

If I was a man and had an erection lasting longer than four hours at my age. I wouldn't call a doctor. I would call and >>! everybody I know!


3 Comments, 35 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
discreetmale618 63 M
2  Articles
Blonde   11/6/2015

Blonde picks up her blouse from dry cleaners. Checks to see if spot was removed when leaving the clerk says come again the blonde replies. No it was mustard this time!


2 Comments, 34 Views, 6 Votes ,4.50 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
cooks!   11/4/2015

A young woman, in the course of her college life, came to terms with her homosexuality and decided to come out of the closet.

Her plan was to tell her mother first; so on her next home visit, she went to the kitchen, where her mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon.

Rather nervously, she explained to her that she had realized she was gay.

Without ...


3 Comments, 107 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
sassylicious33 34 F
1  Article
sex partners   11/4/2015

Funny sex jokes - sex partners A doctor asks a patient while examining her: - How many sex partners did you have? - 5 or 6, don't remember exactly.. - Hmm, not that many... - Yes, that wasn't the most successful weekend..


1 Comments, 48 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Admiring   11/2/2015

After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husbang's cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one before!


2 Comments, 18 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
hellofrd01 42 F
5  Articles
Admiring   11/2/2015

After sex, a newly wed wife kept fondling her husband's cock. Husband : Why? Want to have sex again? Wife : No dear, I just admiring your cock, I used to have one before!


1 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
genius!!!   10/31/2015

A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.

"Dad, " he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing, " his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that ...


1 Comments, 100 Views, 14 Votes ,6.34 Score
Life expectancy   10/25/2015

A woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

  While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

  God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

  Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, some implants and a tummy tuck. She ...


2 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
are you a lesbian too?   10/22/2015

A cowboy walks into a bar and sits down and orders a beer. A few minutes later a beautiful blond walks in and sits down next to him. She looks him over and says are you a real Cowboy ? To which he responds, why yes I am. I ride horses, break wild horses, rope cattle, wrestle steers, I do it all. Yes I'm a real cowboy. He smile and pleased with himself, asks her what she is ? To which she ...


3 Comments, 119 Views, 13 Votes ,4.15 Score
A RIDE IN THE TAXI   10/21/2015

A woman and her twelve-year-old were riding in a taxi. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings. 

  "Mom, " said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"  "They're waiting for their husbands to get off work, " she replied. 

  The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the Truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex ...


2 Comments, 169 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
The Biology Exam   10/20/2015

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the . 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) ...


1 Comments, 129 Views, 8 Votes ,5.10 Score
Lucypeach 41 T
2  Articles
Keep Truckin   10/20/2015

a sad looking woman drives her truck into the front car park of a seedy roadhouse in Alabama. Parking up she saunters inside to order her lunch and instantly catches the raucous attention of a gang of bikers. Minding her own business she settles down in a corner of the joint and starts to eat her food but the gang members sidle over and start to goad her; firstly one picks her burger up and ...


2 Comments, 131 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
At the Old Folks Home   10/19/2015

80 yr. old woman complains of malaise and general indifference. The young Doctor prescribes massive hormone treatments. Three nights later the old gal is running down the hallway, with nothing on but her robe. She runs into the 1st men's room, a 90 yr. old, and whips open her robe and sez; 'Sup-er SEX!' The old dude drools & rolls over. She runs into an 80 guy's room: opens robe 'Supp...er ...


1 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
At the Old Folks Home   10/19/2015

80 yr. old woman complains of malaise and general indifference. The young Doctor prescribes massive hormone treatments. Three nights later the old gal is running down the hallway, with nothing on but her robe. She runs into the 1st men's room, a 90 yr. old, and whips open her robe and sez; 'Sup-er SEX!' The old dude drools & rolls over. She runs into an 80 guy's room: opens robe 'Supp...er ...


2 Comments, 72 Views, 5 Votes ,3.47 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
Silver Lining 2   10/19/2015

Lynda turns to Lucy and sez: 'Oh TY so very much! Pay back really is a freaken bitch!'


1 Comments, 36 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
JeanMichel69er 43 M
1  Article
Devoted Service   10/19/2015

Two women get together at the bar, and they spend the night drinking and having a good time. On their way home early in the morning, they begin to pass a cemetary and the one woman says to the other who is driving, "pull over, I have to use the bathroom!" They both enter the cemetary, grab a headstone and do their business, when one says to the other, "I don't have anything to wipe with!" The ...


4 Comments, 81 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
BIRTH CONTROL FOR GRANDMA   10/17/2015

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH ...


2 Comments, 170 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
smart ass!!!   10/17/2015

My small grandson wandered off from me at a shopping mall. A uniformed security guard approached him and asked if he was lost? He told the guard he had lost his grand dad. The security guard asked him, "What's he Like?" The small tyke replied, "Royal Crown Bourbon and big breasted women!"


3 Comments, 50 Views, 6 Votes ,5.93 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
take note guys!!!   10/17/2015

FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.




3 Comments, 34 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
An Impatient Man   10/16/2015

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."

  Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."

  ...


2 Comments, 138 Views, 10 Votes ,6.37 Score
Otis_Good 71 M
18  Articles
All Aboard   10/15/2015

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The ...


5 Comments, 88 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
canuendeavorme95 37 M
4  Articles
knockedy knock knock   10/15/2015

Knock knock!



Whos There?



Khan! Khan



who?



Khan-dom broke, hope you're on the pill!


1 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
canuendeavorme95 37 M
4  Articles
knock knock again   10/15/2015

Knock Knock



Who's There?



Ben Hur



Ben Hur who?





Ben Hur over and give it to her doggy style!


1 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
canuendeavorme95 37 M
4  Articles
knock knock   10/15/2015

Knock, Knock!

Who's There?



Dewey!



Dewey who?



Dewey have to use a condom?


1 Comments, 9 Views, 0 Votes
Otis_Good 71 M
18  Articles
Captain Fearless   10/14/2015

A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon, when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The captain yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my red jacket." To which one of the crew members complied and handed him his jacket which he put on. The battle ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they continued on in their voyage. Later, they again spotted ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 8 Votes ,3.71 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
George and the dragon!!!   10/11/2015

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted. ...


1 Comments, 66 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
rm_DarkHorseALS 43 F
1  Article
MCGREGGOR   10/7/2015

THERE IS A GUY MCGEGGOR IRISH MAN THAT SITS AT A BAR AND SAYS TO THE GUY BESIDE HIM...I AM PIST CAUSE U SEE THAT DOCK I MADE THAT WITH ME OWN 2 HANDS AND U SEE THIA BAR I MADE THIS WITH ME OWN 2 HANDS BUT DO THEY CALL ME MCGREGGOR THE DOCK OR BAR MAKER HELL NO HOWEVER U FUCK ONE SHEEP AND IM MCGREGGOR THE SHEEP FUCKER FOR LIFE!!! BY AMY


1 Comments, 37 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lifes lesson   10/7/2015

A woman and her eight-year old were walking along a country road when they saw a stallion mounting a mare. "Mommy, " the little girl asked, "what are those horses doing?" The mother stuttered a moment before she could come up with a creative answer. "The on top hurt his hoof, and the one underneath is helping him back to the barn." The little girl shook her head and said, "That's the same way ...


3 Comments, 136 Views, 13 Votes ,6.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lets go fishing!!   10/7/2015

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: "That's nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: "Man, you both have it ...


4 Comments, 126 Views, 14 Votes ,6.98 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
harder! harder!   10/4/2015

A young nun was assigned by the Mother Superior to help old Father O'Malley with his Sunday night bath. The next morning, the older nun asked the young girl if she had had any difficulties. "Oh no, " the nun smiled. "As a matter of fact, I attained eternal salvation." The Mother was puzzled. "What do you mean?" "Well, Father O'Malley took my hand and put it between his legs. Then a miracle ...


3 Comments, 149 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
mspankie1992 31 M
1  Article
Handjob   10/3/2015

Three guys go to a lodge up in the snowy mountains & there aren't enough vacant rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the left wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the right wakes up and states he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "I envy you guys; I just dreamed I was ...


1 Comments, 72 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
Points Post   10/2/2015

This is a blog for everyone to comment on to get points


1 Comments, 14 Views, 3 Votes ,0.49 Score
mechdude90 32 M
1  Article
Witty Word Pun   10/1/2015

I've just realized that sex with 3 people is called threesome. Sex with 4 people is called foursome. Now I see why they call you handsome


2 Comments, 37 Views, 6 Votes ,4.22 Score
rm_BIGYODAG9 64 M
5  Articles
Another Genie   9/30/2015

Guy walks into a classy bar, with two beautiful redheads on each arm and as he sits down the bartender notices this little ugly green thing sitting on his shoulder. Fixing to to tell the dude to leave, when the guy pulling a crisp Benjamin outta his top pocket & sez is loud bass voice; 'Set up the bar! Drinks on me.' Well, of course, he starts mixing drinks & placing them in front of the ...


3 Comments, 105 Views, 12 Votes ,3.68 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Typical Highland baby boy.   9/29/2015

A Scot was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone. He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical Highland baby ...


1 Comments, 79 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
rm_NOPoet30 67 M
47  Articles
New Birth Control for men   9/28/2015

Idea from a Blog. Just heard about this great new product: 'Shoe-In'. It's advertised as a huge brown pill and unlike Viagra or other stiffener pills, this one isn't swallowed, it's to simply be placed in a man's shoe [Left or Right makes no difference]. It's guaranteed to make you continually LIMP! If that isn't the perfect form of Birth Control = I don't know what is.


1 Comments, 48 Views, 6 Votes ,1.09 Score
rm_BIGYODAG9 64 M
5  Articles
What   9/21/2015

The proctologist had been a physician for many years and had the same nurse for most of that time. One day a man comes in, with a patch over one eye, and the nurse commented that he looked like a pirate. The guy overhears her and turns to the lady sitting next to him: 'Of course I'm not a pirate, but I was in an accident and inadvertently swallowed my glass eye.' "I'm so sorry!" 'Yeah, well ...


2 Comments, 91 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
knowlegable staff!!   9/20/2015

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the ...


3 Comments, 130 Views, 13 Votes ,5.32 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wrestling!!   9/20/2015

A Russian and Ole the Norwegian wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has." Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished'. Ole nodded in ...


3 Comments, 91 Views, 12 Votes ,5.98 Score
rm_Nattatox 24 M
1  Article
You Caught My Eye   9/19/2015

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his hand out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.

On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and ...


2 Comments, 104 Views, 10 Votes ,4.18 Score
rm_Nattatox 24 M
1  Article
Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries   9/19/2015

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers ...


1 Comments, 92 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
His Last wishes   9/17/2015

Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his and 2 sons, are with him. He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak: • My , "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." • My "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." • My , "Jamie, I want you to ...


1 Comments, 83 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
jimbo844 59 M
26  Articles
Wet Celery   9/17/2015

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.

She says, 'Hello.'

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?'

To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my .'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife. So he asks, ...


1 Comments, 78 Views, 8 Votes ,5.33 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
The Animal Bar   9/17/2015

Nice little watering hole on the savanna; where the Hyenas are good for a laugh, the Lions prowl for fair game and the bouncer is a Gorilla. Two buds -one a Leopard and the other a good looking Field Mouse, who is known as the Don Juan type- frequent visitors /walk in and grab a table. They have been keeping score and the Mouse is way ahead. The Leopard: "Look pal... You've scored with almost ...


2 Comments, 50 Views, 5 Votes ,4.45 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
karma!!!   9/15/2015

I was on a clean up crew and we stopped to cut back the weeds and pickup trash. We got out of the truck and I reached in back to get a weed wacker. Some Pompous ass snatched it out of my hands ans told me I was going to have to pick up the trash and he was going to run this weed wacker. I was across the street with another guy and he said, that guy is such a jerk, aren't you going to do ...


4 Comments, 116 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
Blow job   9/15/2015

A woman is on one of those funeral cruises where the ashes of loved ones may be dumped into the sea. She had been married to a real cheapskate, who after 30 years of marriage finally died. The lady had her husband cremated, at his wishes, because he felt a plot would cost too much. After the memorial services, she went to the railing and poured his ashes out into her hands and started talking to ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
18 Daughters   9/15/2015

Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs." the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep ...


2 Comments, 110 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
farts   9/12/2015

Martin had just met his girlfriend, when she asked him to go over to her place for dinner to meet her parents. Not wanting to make a bad impression, he goes over.

After he has been sitting at the table for a while, he feels an incredible pain in his stomach and has to let a fart go. Just then, the family's dog, Fido, walks under the table and his tail bumps Martin's leg. This kind ...


2 Comments, 103 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
Being Neighborly   9/12/2015

She's single... She's shapely ...She's beautiful and she lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window.

I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, ...


1 Comments, 179 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
Friendzone3 31 C
1  Article
Naked Dinner   9/9/2015

A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening. The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed. Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
NO SALE   9/7/2015

A Lonely Widow - Goes into a pet store looking for a companion. Speaks to the owner: 'I'm a very religious person and I want a clean pet for company.' "Humm...cats and dogs can be messy, but I have just the thing for you." They walk towards a row of cages and here is this pretty parrot on a perch, with a silver cord on one leg and a gold cord tied to the other. The owner: "We just got this ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Little League Sportsmanship   9/6/2015

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the little boy.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"So, " the coach continued, "I'm sure ...


1 Comments, 137 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
long shot!   9/6/2015

jack takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9Iron"

Jack looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit.9Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 ...


4 Comments, 95 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh father!   9/6/2015

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her.

‘Father, may I ask a favor?’ ‘Of course. What may I do for you?’ ‘Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it ...


1 Comments, 101 Views, 10 Votes ,5.97 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Height of competition   9/5/2015

Two dudes 1/2 drunk in New Orleans get turned around and find themselves on the Crescent City Connection, which is like 28' above the River connecting E & W Bank. Both have an urge to urinate, so they scramble to the safety rail and whip it out. The 1st one smiles and said: "Damn that water is cold.' Whereupon the other replies: "Hell yeah and it's deep too."


1 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
Heights   9/5/2015

Here is the height of egotism: a midget on the Mississippi River floating on a surf board, while masterbating, approaching a bridge. He begins to scream: 'I don't have a horn! For gawd's sake open the draw gate!"


1 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,1.96 Score
rm_BIGYODAG2 65 M
24  Articles
another - 'Customer Service'   9/3/2015

Two New Orleans cops out on the beat - 1 a Vet & the other a rookie. They keep passing this house with a red door and noticed a string of men going in and out. The rookie asks: what do you think that's all about? The Veteran: ...it's probably a whorehouse. Tell you what, we'll keep an eye on it and tomorrow, I will get permission to wear civies and we'll bust 'em. Gotta be right there ...


2 Comments, 87 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
heart attack!!   8/30/2015

A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" she asks. "I'm having a heart attack, " cries the husband. The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old comes up and says, "Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in ...


6 Comments, 140 Views, 15 Votes ,6.65 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
ma B!!   8/30/2015

A contestant on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win 1, 000, 000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25, 000 milestone money. And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover. It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its ...


3 Comments, 106 Views, 11 Votes ,5.04 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
rights!   8/30/2015

The following took place at an international conference for women's rights.

The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barrington, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
Rosebuds   8/26/2015

A comes downstairs to go on date with a see-through Blouse and no Bra.

Her Grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The tells her ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your Rose Buds show!’ And out she goes.

The next day the comes downstairs and the Grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The wants to ...


2 Comments, 189 Views, 12 Votes ,5.27 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
have to love mama!   8/19/2015

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her ...


2 Comments, 137 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
fore!!!   8/15/2015

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to ...


6 Comments, 137 Views, 15 Votes ,6.81 Score
Frog wants a loan   8/14/2015

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50, 000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."

Patty explains that he will need to secure the ...


2 Comments, 93 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
burglar proof   8/12/2015

A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you". Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said "Jesus is watching you". He turned around and saw a parrot in a cage.

He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, "yes."

He asked the parrot what his name was and ...


2 Comments, 105 Views, 16 Votes ,6.51 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
BJ for Money   8/12/2015

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free."

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do ...


2 Comments, 117 Views, 14 Votes ,5.54 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Sexual Exhaustion   8/12/2015

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared ...


2 Comments, 93 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Hanjob   8/12/2015

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"


1 Comments, 37 Views, 7 Votes ,4.57 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
best cabbie ever!   8/11/2015

A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi

A devout Arab Muslim entered a taxi in Glasgow.

He asked the driver to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.

The taxi driver politely switched off the radio, ...


1 Comments, 86 Views, 13 Votes ,6.00 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
good doggie!!!   8/9/2015

Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting." So he sends the out to the pond. The comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there." Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl ...


5 Comments, 132 Views, 17 Votes ,6.24 Score
kingseanmodel 38 M
0  Articles
Some jokes   8/8/2015

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: Whats a condom and a coffin got in common? A: They both hold stiffs but one is cumin and one is going!

Q: When is a man most intelligent, before, after or during sex? A: During sex cuz he's plugged up to the knowledge source Sex is like a misdameanor, the more I ...


2 Comments, 59 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
oh cindy!!   8/3/2015

Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?"

The Fairy Godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived a good wholesome life ...


2 Comments, 151 Views, 19 Votes ,6.29 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
And that's how the fight started   8/3/2015

Earl's wife told him to go get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came home he handed her a bottle of Diet Pills


3 Comments, 90 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
go damnit   8/3/2015

i was sleeping with my girlfreind and when i came inside of her she snized and all my body was covered in my own sperm


1 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
i love football!!!   8/1/2015

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER 'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR. SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD! ARE YOU DOING!?" THE REPLIED: MOM, I'M 32 YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND THIS IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. SO PLEASE GO AWAY , AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" ...


3 Comments, 156 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Little Shithead   8/1/2015

SENIORS & COMPUTERS As we Silver Surfers know, sometimes we have trouble with our computers. Yesterday, I had a problem, so I calledGeorgie, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, It was an ID ten T ...


3 Comments, 97 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
will you?   7/25/2015

An American guy decides to travel around. Europe. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Barmaid) takes his order, a beer, and notices his accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other.

At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for ...


3 Comments, 176 Views, 13 Votes ,6.16 Score
rm_ConchHolder 46 M
1  Article
Birds on a Wire   7/20/2015

The teacher asked her 4th graders, "If there are three birds on a telephone wire, and a hunter shoots one, how many are left?"

Bobby raises his hand and answers, "There won't be any left. One will be dead, and the sound of the gun will scare the others away."

"Hmm, that isn't quite the answer I was looking for, Bobby, but I like the way you think, " she said.

Later, at ...


4 Comments, 119 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
the challenge!   7/19/2015

A trucker working out of town stops into a tavern, walks up to the bar and orders a beer and a shot. After drinking it he orders another, while drinking that he notices a huge jar behind the bar stuffed with twenties... So he asked the bartender what that's all about? The bartender replies" It's an ongoing challenge in here, there are 3 challenges to complete and if you do you win the pot! The ...


4 Comments, 160 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
An Old Golfer   7/17/2015

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course and heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the clubhouse. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $3.00 HAMBURGER: $5.00 CHEESEBURGER: $6.50 ...


2 Comments, 160 Views, 10 Votes ,6.17 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
CAT EATER   7/17/2015

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"


2 Comments, 65 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
4    7/17/2015

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest my ?"









...


1 Comments, 147 Views, 10 Votes ,5.58 Score
whorecurious 63 C
164  Articles
I'm a Virgin   7/17/2015

A woman was getting married for her fourth time. On the first night of the honeymoon, the new bride says to her groom "be gentle I'm a virgin." The groom replies "How's that possible, this is your 4th marriage?!" The bride replies back "Well, my first husband was a psychologist, all he liked to do was talk about it. My 2nd husband was a gynocologist & all he liked to do was look at it. My 3rd ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Not Appreciated!   7/14/2015

When a lady is pregnant, All her Friends touch her stomach and say say Congratulations But no one ever goes and touches the Guy's pecker saying "Good Job!"

The moral of this story "Hard work is Never Appreciated!"


2 Comments, 49 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Inlaw's   7/14/2015

I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married next month.

My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's really great and understanding. She's putting the entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited me over for something else. She totally floored me when she said "In 1 month your going to ...


1 Comments, 158 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
MsCarlalee 61 T
9  Articles
Inlaw's   7/14/2015

I have been engaged for almost a year. And am to get married next month.

My fiancee's mother is not only a Total MILF but she's really great and understanding. She's putting the entire wedding together and invited me over to go over the guest list. When I got there she said she had really invited me over for something else. She totally floored me when she said "In 1 month your going to ...


2 Comments, 60 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
please dont shoot!   7/12/2015

Diesel was bartending in a local pub and was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to Diesel, "This is a stick-up! Put all your cash in this bag!" Diesel, scared to death, pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" Diesel says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a ...


3 Comments, 172 Views, 19 Votes ,4.97 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Sisters of Perpetual Arousal   7/12/2015

A man is driving down a deserted highway, and he notices a billboard that reads... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF - 10 MILES. He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on. Soon, he sees another sign which says... SISTERS OF PERPETUAL AROUSAL - HOUSE OF - 5 MILES Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure enough, there is a third sign SISTERS OF PERPETUAL ...


2 Comments, 120 Views, 15 Votes ,4.97 Score
PinkTaster62 61 M
0  Articles
Would you like some 69?   7/12/2015

A farmer decides it's time for his to become a man, so he takes him to the local brothel, picks out the biggest girl there, and tells her to "make him a man". Up in the room, the girl asks him what he would like? Having spent his entire life on the farm, he has no idea what to ask for. She thinks for a minute, smiles, and asks if he would like some "69"? The young man, having no idea what ...


1 Comments, 123 Views, 10 Votes ,3.98 Score
lukeorlucas 43 M
6  Articles
can he canibal   7/12/2015

three travelers trecking through a rain forest come acrost a tribe of head hunters. they are immediatly captured and given a choice. it is a time of celebration in thier ways and they will let them go if they can perform 3 tasks. drink their nector of the gods and not go insane, 2 pull the bad tooth from the tribes tiger their god bestowed upon them that very day, and 3 sexualy satisfy the tribes ...


2 Comments, 90 Views, 6 Votes ,3.93 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Sister Kathleen   7/11/2015

Sister Kathleen lived in a convent, a block away from Jack’s liquor store. One day she walked into the store and said, “Oh Jack, can you spare me a half-bottle o’ the brandy.” “Sister Kathleen, ” exclaimed Jack, “I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life and certainly never given it!” “Oh Jack, ” she responded, “it’s only for the Mother ...


1 Comments, 112 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
mr. strange!!   7/11/2015

A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer, " responded the lawyer.

"Sorry, but I can't do that, " replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put 'here lies an ...


1 Comments, 71 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
They walk amoung us   7/10/2015

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: ...


2 Comments, 144 Views, 9 Votes ,4.71 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
The lost hot dog   7/10/2015

Two guys wanted to go drinking, but they only had a dollar between them. One of the fellows looked over at a hot dog wagon nearby, and had a sudden inspiration. He spent the dollar on a hot dog. He threw the bun away, and stuffed the hot down his underwear.

"We're gonna walk into the bar, order beers and drink them down. When the bartender asks for payment, I'm gonna stick this hot ...


3 Comments, 90 Views, 10 Votes ,3.78 Score
TattyCat001 66 M
14  Articles
Don't use that any more?   7/8/2015

A lady arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. She swore at him, and just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words.

"Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. While driving home along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled, so I ...


2 Comments, 126 Views, 14 Votes ,5.54 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
testicles!!   7/4/2015

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that ...


3 Comments, 117 Views, 18 Votes ,5.17 Score
eladstrebor15 52 M
2  Articles
hew pope   7/4/2015

the new pope is not there first choice . they wanted some guy from italy . his name acola . then they decided they did not want a pope acola


1 Comments, 61 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
Just for boat lovers   6/29/2015

There were these two twins, Joe and John.Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat, and it just so happened John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few day's later , A kindly old woman saw Joe and mistaking Joe for John, said, "I'm ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 11 Votes ,4.10 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
wife vs true love   6/28/2015

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife: Husband : -I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn't come back yet. Inspector : -What is her height? Husband : -Average, I guess. Inspector : -Slim or healthy?. Husband : -Not slim, but probably healthy. Inspector : -Color of eyes? Husband : -Never noticed. Inspector : -Color of hair? Husband : -Changes ...


2 Comments, 160 Views, 13 Votes ,5.66 Score
desertguy661 36 M
0  Articles
The Love Dress! *HILARIOUS*   6/27/2015

So I thought this would be hilarious to share as I loved reading it. Hope you all enjoy it too

A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by the recently married couple's house. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house. She saw her -in-law standing naked by the door. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the -in-law answered. ...


2 Comments, 100 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
STEVE29918 63 M
4  Articles
Joke   6/26/2015

I went to see my Doctor today. I said to him "Doctor, I've got this terrible sunburn". The Doctor said "Take some Viagra". I said "What good is Viagra for sunburn?" The Doctor said "It will keep the bedclothes off your skin!!"


1 Comments, 48 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
keep the change   6/24/2015

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that if ...


4 Comments, 179 Views, 19 Votes ,5.76 Score
rm_luvmel8 49 M
1  Article
Fertile   6/23/2015

Do you know how to tell if you are fertile enough to have babies?

She has to chew before she swallows !!!!!........EWWWWWE


1 Comments, 22 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
my wife is deaf docter!!!!   6/15/2015

A man tells a doctor, "I think my wife's going deaf. What can I do?"

The doctor says, "Well, try to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this until she answers. That way we can see how bad the problem is."

The man goes home, sees his wife and says, "Hi honey, what's ...


2 Comments, 165 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
just imagine the look on her face!!!   6/10/2015

At the bank, I told the teller

"I'd like to open a joint account please." She said, "OK, with whom?" I said, "Whoever has lots of money."


4 Comments, 74 Views, 9 Votes ,4.07 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
im a proud woman   6/8/2015

A woman misses a phone call. The woman hears she got a voice mail, and she plays her recent voice mail from her husband. The voice mail plays, “This may be my last phone call. I decided to call you. I took the sail boat out and there is a really bad storm. The mast broke. And my phone is about to die. OMG. The boat is taking on water. Laura just fell of board. I love you baby. Tell the ...


1 Comments, 184 Views, 9 Votes ,4.28 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
my wish   6/8/2015

An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir, " says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish ...


3 Comments, 121 Views, 9 Votes ,5.35 Score
jasjack1965 53 M
4  Articles
Dead Sex   6/5/2015

A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The judge told him, 'In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!'

The man replied, 'I'll give you THREE good reasons:

1. It's none of your damn business.

...


1 Comments, 144 Views, 8 Votes ,4.64 Score
rm_Hotboy898182 26 M
9  Articles
the waiter   6/5/2015

Customer: Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it. Waitress: Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot.


1 Comments, 37 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
i'll show them that i am the boss   6/4/2015

The Board of Directors of a very large company felt it was time for a corporate shakeup and hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against the wall. The room was full of workers so he decided to take this opportunity to let them know that he meant business!

The new CEO walked ...


3 Comments, 138 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
Adam and Eve !!!   6/4/2015

One day the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?'"

So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."

And ...


3 Comments, 130 Views, 11 Votes ,6.16 Score
Reluctant    5/31/2015

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good reasons, " he said. "(1) they don't like me, and (2) I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) ...


2 Comments, 332 Views, 16 Votes ,5.33 Score
Sunday Mass   5/31/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that ...


2 Comments, 99 Views, 10 Votes ,4.58 Score
suryareddy004 20 M
1  Article
father &funny    5/28/2015

a teacher asked jimmy;', ,why is your cat at school today jimmy''. jimmy replied crying "Because I heard tell my mummy, I am going to eat that p*ssy once jimmy leaves for today


3 Comments, 55 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
men vs women!!!   5/27/2015

human body…

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.

The average man’s penis is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. ...


1 Comments, 99 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
love2rocku4 61 M
1  Article
Court Proceedings   5/24/2015

These are from a book called “Disruption in Court" and are things people actually said in court, while the exchanges were taking place.

Word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset ...


6 Comments, 144 Views, 13 Votes ,4.99 Score
rm_BigTaurus1 54 M
3  Articles
what happens when the train.comes?   5/24/2015

A lonely wife was living in a small house near the railroad.Her husband was at work.She was very hot and wanted sex with someone.She called the carpenter saying:my cupboard squeeks everytime the train comes, so I want you to fix it.The carpenter camefinding her in a very sexy lingerie, her boops wrre showing and her pussy uncovered.The carpenter became sweaty and embarassed.She told him;the ...


3 Comments, 169 Views, 9 Votes ,1.29 Score
nautical3 61 M
6  Articles
There's trouble in paradise   5/20/2015

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there!!


1 Comments, 91 Views, 12 Votes ,4.57 Score
Shrewdy2 60 M
6  Articles
Changing times?   5/20/2015

A man went into a watchmakers shop went up to the female assistant & slapped his penis onto the counter. The shocked assistant said "sir this is a clock shop not a cock shop"! The man looking at his penis replied "yes I know, so could you please put 2 hands & face on that"?!!!


1 Comments, 80 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
rm_jason85bbc10 32 M
2  Articles
or what?   5/20/2015

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months. The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.

The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband? “Oh, ...


1 Comments, 218 Views, 11 Votes ,4.48 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
father?   5/18/2015

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there? The father, surprised, answers, Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions. Onions? the asks. Yes. You see them and they make you cry.This ...


2 Comments, 85 Views, 11 Votes ,4.29 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Babies?   5/18/2015

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her walks in Mother, where do babies come from? The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex. The looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s ...


1 Comments, 107 Views, 6 Votes ,3.08 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
smart   5/9/2015

Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman all die on Christmas Eve. They reach the gates of Heaven and St. Peter is waiting on them. " Hi guys" he says. "Now unfortunately you all died on Christmas Eve, so what I want you to do is each put your hand into your pockets and pull out something that represents Christmas." So the English man put his hand into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette lighter. ...


2 Comments, 155 Views, 14 Votes ,5.06 Score
The golfer and a homeless man   5/4/2015

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some booze with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago, ” the homeless man replied. "Will you spend this on ...


2 Comments, 238 Views, 16 Votes ,5.19 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
those idiots!!!!   5/3/2015

a takes a shortcut home 
through the cemetery.

Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots 
an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.

“I thought you were a ghost, ” 
says the relieved . “What are you 
doing working so late?”

“Oh, those idiots, ” grumbles ...


3 Comments, 160 Views, 13 Votes ,3.98 Score
Four hour erections   4/27/2015

You've seen the commercials - "An erection lasting more than 4 hours". But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?

I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist as she and her sister owned the store, and there were no male employees. She then asked ...


5 Comments, 322 Views, 23 Votes ,6.28 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
mugged   4/25/2015

Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money, " he demanded.



Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case, " replied the robber, "give me MY money!"


2 Comments, 98 Views, 21 Votes ,5.11 Score
Job Search   4/25/2015

Mike saw a job advertised in the paper, Man wanted with good sense of smell

When mike arrived at the address he was surprised to see it was a private house. I came about the Job mike said to the kamp looking guy that answered the door.

I will have to test your sense of smell...ok said Mike.

Put on this blindfold and tell me what you smell, mike sniffed and beamed out AN ...


3 Comments, 193 Views, 12 Votes ,2.80 Score
1seeking1 58 F
4  Articles
Square testicles   4/23/2015

Can not take credit, received as an email.

> An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one > morning with a purse full of money.. She wanted to open a > savings account and insisted on talking to the president of > the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of > money. > After many lengthy discussions > (after all, the is always right) an employee took the > elderly woman to ...


4 Comments, 200 Views, 24 Votes ,6.54 Score
varun_19802 43 M
5  Articles
Dirty Kokes   4/21/2015

A funny adult sms Sardar:Will U Marry me? Girl:Sorry I’m a Lesbian. Sardar:”Whats Lesbian?” Girl:”I have Sex only with Girls”. Sardar:”Maar Taali I’m also Lesbian”

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both ...


1 Comments, 119 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
ask the darnest things!!   4/18/2015

A MOTHER AND HER YOUNG WERE FLYING FROM TAMPA TO TORONTO. THE LITTLE BOY HAD BEEN LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. HE ASKED HIS MOTHER, IF BIG DOGS HAVE BABY DOGS, AND BIG CATS HAVE BABY CATS, WHY DON’T BIG PLANES HAVE BABY PLANES?

THE MOTHER COULDN’T THINK OF AN ANSWER.

SHE TOLD HER DON’T BOTHER ME GO ASK THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT.

HE WENT DOWN THE AISLE TO THE ...


3 Comments, 254 Views, 26 Votes ,6.15 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
The Government??   4/17/2015

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government

so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way

I'm the president, your mom is ...


1 Comments, 103 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Sex in the dark   4/14/2015

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.

After 15 minutes of this, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight."

The woman says, "So do I. You've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"


1 Comments, 51 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
Ridem Cowboy   4/14/2015

The local yokel got married and his honeymoon was the first time he'd been off the farm.

He'd saved for twenty years for this, so could afford a classy hotel.

Checking in he said "Me and the new WIFE would like to hire your best room for a week"

"Certainly sir" replied the receptionist. "Would you like the Bridal"?

The yokel looked a bit uncertain, then said ...


1 Comments, 113 Views, 9 Votes ,4.49 Score
Bobwhynot87 34 M
25  Articles
U Speaka Da English?   4/14/2015

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 9 Votes ,3.21 Score
Fascinate   4/13/2015

Teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate’, not ‘fascinating'.

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see RockCity and I was ...


4 Comments, 219 Views, 11 Votes ,5.60 Score
wickedcat2006 49 F
145  Articles
lol   4/9/2015

A man walks into a bar all distressed...

He looks at the bartender and say please give me 5 shots of whiskey.

The bartender noting something was wrong asks what the problem is.

"I just found out my brother is gay, and I'm here to drown my sorrows."

A couple nights later the same guy comes in hanging his head and orders another 5 shots.

Bartender ...


5 Comments, 240 Views, 25 Votes ,5.79 Score
Confession   4/7/2015

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him.

He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said: "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said: "I got to be honest with ya Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that ...


3 Comments, 214 Views, 21 Votes ,5.60 Score
awesome   4/5/2015

A family is at the dinner table. The asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, , a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the asks. “Yes. You see them and ...


1 Comments, 85 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score