|
Baseball Game 7/10/2018
One day, the devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
<br><br>
Smiling, the Lord proclaimed, “You don’t have a chance.
I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle and all the greatest players
up here.” <br><br>
“True, ” snickered the devil. “But I have all the
umpires.”
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score |
|
monday funday 7/10/2018
Who has the joke to get us started on this wonderful Monday?
Lets hear them people!!!
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Spelling 7/8/2018
Two Italian men get on a bus. <br><br>
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The
lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her
attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say
the following: <br><br>
<br><br>
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together ...
1 Comments, 36 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score |
|
Test 7/6/2018
This is a test
0 Comments, 4 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score |
|
Lil Johnny first grade 7/4/2018
The first grade teacher walks into class. She sees Johnny sitting there and holding his kitty cat.
She says Johnny why do you have your kitty cat at school?
<br><br>
He says " I heard my daddy tell my momma he was gonna
eat that pussy when I goes to school"
0 Comments, 38 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score |
|
If only 7/3/2018
A Male Fairy Tale <br><br> Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, <br><br>
"Will you marry me?" <br><br>
The Princess immediately said, "No!" <br><br>
And the Prince lived happily ever after, <br><br>
and <br><br> rode motorcycles <br><br> and <br><br> dated thin, ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
6 Votes
,1.66 Score |
|
Text message 7/3/2018
An elderly couple learned to send text messages on their
mobile phones. <br><br>
The wife, a retired college English instructor with emphasis
on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband,
a retired salty Navy chief petty officer of thirty ’
service, was a no-nonsense guy <br><br>
One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck’s to
meet a friend for ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
Tuesday humor 7/3/2018
waldo wore stripes so he wouldn't be spotted!!! <br><br>
<br><br>
ok thats all I got so far
0 Comments, 2 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
Spiderman joke 7/3/2018
Made this up myself: <br><br>
What do you get when you cross Spider-man with Aunt may?
The Amazing A(u)nt-man.
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Little Johnny 7/2/2018
Little Johnny strolls into school on Tuesday. <br><br>
The teacher stops him in the hall. <br><br>
“Johnny, why weren’t you in school yesterday?”
<br><br>
“Sorry, Miss, but my dad got burned” <br><br>
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn’t badly?”
<br><br>
“Well, they don’t fuck around at the crematorium, ...
0 Comments, 21 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score |
|
Golf lessons 7/2/2018
A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide
to take private lessons. <br><br>
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his
swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club
way too hard!” <br><br>
“Well, what should I do?” asks the man. <br><br>
“Hold the club gently, ” ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
Monday joke day 7/2/2018
whats the diff between beer nuts and deer nuts?? <br><br>
<br><br>
beer nuts are $1.99 and deer nuts are under a buck!! <br><br>
<br><br>
top the one...hahaha
0 Comments, 3 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
wonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- c 6/26/2018
wonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- cant waitwonderful idea -- cant waitwonderful
idea -- ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score |
|
at work 6/24/2018
I'm sure my coworker is having an affair with my wife...
<br><br>
He's been very miserable lately.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score |
|
A man walked into a bar with his arm in a cast 6/24/2018
"What happened to you?" asked the bartender.
"I got in a fight with Kelly." "Kelly? He's only a small guy - he must have had
something in his hand." "He did - a shovel." "Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"I did - Mrs. Kelly's tit. And a beautiful thing
it was too, but not much use in a fight !"
0 Comments, 24 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score |
|
Blonde 6/24/2018
A blond is in a car crash and she says, "I think I have
a concussion." The paramedic asks, "How many
fingers do I have up?" The blond shrieks, "Oh
my God! I am paralyzed from the waist down, too!"
0 Comments, 22 Views,
10 Votes
,3.39 Score |
|
KFC 6/24/2018
What does a box of chicken and a woman have in common? Once you are done with the breasts and the things all you
have left is a greasy Box to the bone in..
0 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
So a Walks into a Bar 6/22/2018
A walks into a bar Th Bartender looks up and says Hey
Buddy Why the Long Face...
1 Comments, 25 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score |
|
So a Walks into a Bar 6/22/2018
A walks into a bar, The Bartender looks up and says
Hey Buddy Why the Long Face...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score |
|
What is the difference between a slut... 6/22/2018
and a bitch? The slut will have sex with you. <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
Disclaimer: Never called a woman either likely never will.
Just a joke.
1 Comments, 35 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
What did peter say 6/20/2018
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus
<br><br>
<br><br>
It only takes one nail to hang a picture
0 Comments, 14 Views,
11 Votes
,1.11 Score |
|
Late Night Visitors 6/17/2018
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the
front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies
standing there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the
deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, "Yes,
I am." The deputy then asks if he could see a picture
of the man's wife. <br><br>
The guy says, "Sure, I guess, " and gets a photo ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
23 Votes
,3.01 Score |
|
Aunt Mildred 6/17/2018
Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly
despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided
that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking
that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took
out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself
in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
16 Votes
,3.57 Score |
|
The Divorce 6/16/2018
CURTAIN RODS On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes,
crates and suitcases. <br><br>
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her
things. <br><br>
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining-room table, by candlelight; she put on some soft
background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar
of caviar, ...
0 Comments, 57 Views,
14 Votes
,3.46 Score |
|
Coma 6/16/2018
One day a woman mysteriously falls into a deep coma, leaving
the doctors puzzled and her husband desperate. They try
every conventional treatment in the book to no avail. One
day the husband is in the hospital and in his frustration
he yet again approaches the doctor and says “Are you sure
that we’ve tried everything? Isn’t there some less
conventional or experimental treatments that ...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score |
|
Oops 6/13/2018
An elderly couple was sitting in church when the man whispers
to his wife, "hey I just let a silent fart, what should I do?" His wife replies"turn your hearing
aid up."
1 Comments, 13 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
Two Guys in a Chicago Bar 6/11/2018
Two guys are in a bar in a Chicago high-rise. One guy looks
at the other and says "You know, they call Chicago
the Windy City because if you jump out of one of these office
high-rise balconies, the wind will actually push you back
in". <br><br>
The second guy says: "What? Get outta hear with that!"
<br><br>
The first guy says: "No, it's ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
14 Votes
,2.50 Score |
|
funny 6/11/2018
Who has the best Monday joke? lets hear them!!!
1 Comments, 16 Views,
11 Votes
,1.48 Score |
|
joke tim 6/9/2018
ok who has a good one? time to laugh!!!!
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
A Farm Couple 6/8/2018
Once there was an elderly couple that lived on a farm. One
day the farmer came to his wife and grabbed her boobs. <br><br>
He said, "If we could get milk out of these things,
we could get rid of the cows." <br><br>
The next day he approached her, grabbed her butt, and said,
"If we could get eggs out of this thing, we could get
rid of the chickens." ...
3 Comments, 105 Views,
20 Votes
,3.51 Score |
|
A True Blonde 6/8/2018
A blond goes into a world-wide message center to send a message
to her mother. When the clerk tells him it will be $300, she
exclaims, ''I can't afford that, but I would
do ANYTHING to get a message to my mom!'' <br><br>
To that the man asks, ''Anything?''
<br><br>
She says ''Anything'' <br><br>
With that, the ...
2 Comments, 101 Views,
19 Votes
,4.18 Score |
|
Blonde on an Airplane 6/8/2018
A plane is on its way to Houston when Amanda, in economy class,
gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.
<br><br>
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see
her ticket. <br><br>
She then tells Amanda that she paid for economy class and
that she will have to sit in the back. <br><br>
Amanda replies, “I’m blond, I’m ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
12 Votes
,3.15 Score |
|
Stolen Credit Card 6/8/2018
Question: Have you ever had a credit card stolen? <br><br>
Answer: Yes, my wife’s credit card was stolen. <br><br>
Question: Did you report it missing? <br><br>
Answer: No, the guy who stole it spends less than my wife,
so I’m better off.
1 Comments, 24 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score |
|
what'd ya' get 6/8/2018
So what do you get when you mix an Onion & Donkey with
each other? <br><br>
Wait For It-Wait For It-WAyyyyyyyyyT- Drum Roll Please.
<br><br>
A piece of ASS that brings tears to your eye's. <br><br>
Thank You Thank You, I'm here all week.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
Hippo and a Zippo 6/7/2018
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
<br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ <br><br>
/ The Zippo is a little lighter...
5 Comments, 25 Views,
9 Votes
,1.72 Score |
|
Anyone feel this way about Push-up Bras? 6/6/2018
How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
0 Comments, 6 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score |
|
Tires And Condoms 6/6/2018
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Sperm Navigation 6/5/2018
What did one sperm say to the other sperm? <br><br>
Hey Bill did you bring the GPS...I think that prick dropped
us off at the esophagus like our friends a few nights ago.
We've got a loooong way to go. Oh Jim, how I hate the shit
we have to go through.
0 Comments, 17 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score |
|
What kind of bees produce milk? 6/2/2018
Boo-bees!
1 Comments, 12 Views,
8 Votes
,1.62 Score |
|
Superman joke 6/1/2018
Superman is flying and sees Wonderwoman naked on the roof
of the Hall of Justice. He exclaims "Great Scott!"
He thinks I'm Superman I can be in and out before she
knows it. WHOOSH BAM BAM BAM BAM. Wonderwoman says"
What was that? The Invisible man says" I don't
know but my ass really hurts.
1 Comments, 29 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
|
Two Garbage Bags 5/27/2018
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two
large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips,
and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.
<br><br>
Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am,
there are $20 bills falling out of your bag." <br><br>
"Oh, really? Darn, " says the little old ...
2 Comments, 82 Views,
18 Votes
,2.85 Score |
|
Once a Marine, Always a Marine 5/27/2018
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she
wore on her wedding night and put it on. <br><br>
She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, "Honey,
do you remember this?" <br><br>
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear,
I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married" <br><br>
She said, ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score |
|
Money Back 5/25/2018
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give
me your money." <br><br>
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You
cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
<br><br>
The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"
1 Comments, 35 Views,
14 Votes
,3.46 Score |
|
Just Confirmed 5/25/2018
It's just been confirmed Monica Lewinski voted for Trump. She said the last Clinton in office left a bad taste in her mouth....
1 Comments, 25 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score |
|
So This Guy Walks into a Bar with an Octopus under his arm... 5/21/2018
So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus under his arm.
He tosses the Octopus onto the bar and says "I bet anyone
a drink that my Octopus can play any musical instrument
that you give him." The piano player says "I'll take that bet"
The guy puts the Octopus on the piano and he starts playing
and it is better than Ray Charles !!! Another guy says "Can he play my ...
3 Comments, 92 Views,
19 Votes
,3.78 Score |
|
funny 5/20/2018
We Ann leed a good laugh. who can make it happen?
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score |
|
The Old Soldier 5/17/2018
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady
cashier walked up to him and said, 'your barracks door
is open'. Not a phrase that men normally use, he went
on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about d shopping,
a man came up and said, 'your fly is open.' he zipped
up and finished his shopping. <br><br>
At the checkout, he intentionally got in the ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
19 Votes
,3.39 Score |
|
funny? 5/16/2018
Spring excites me so much I sometimes wet my plants!!!
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Cheesy Joke 5/13/2018
How do you make a tissue paper dance? Put a boogy in it.
2 Comments, 16 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score |
|
A Close Shave 5/12/2018
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is
foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting
a close shave around the cheeks. ''I have just
the thing, '' says the barber taking a small wooden
ball from a nearby drawer. ''Just place this between
your cheek and gum.'' <br><br>
The places the ball in his mouth and the barber ...
1 Comments, 88 Views,
20 Votes
,4.27 Score |
|
Thermometer 5/10/2018
Do you know the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
<br><br>
The taste.
1 Comments, 17 Views,
9 Votes
,1.93 Score |
|
Thermometer 5/10/2018
Do you know the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
<br><br>
The taste.
0 Comments, 9 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score |
|
Cash rules everything 5/9/2018
I fell in love with a cam girl, the only problem is that she
does not know. I keep sending her points and gifts but nothing.
Oh well she just might be out for the cash!!!
1 Comments, 22 Views,
8 Votes
,1.62 Score |
|
Vatican 5/8/2018
A young man was on holidays in Rome and decided he would go
do a tour of the Vatican, grabbed his camera so he could capture
the event. On arriving he decided to take some photos of the outside
of the vatican, to get the whole shot he moved right back
near some bushes. He'd taken a few shots when he heard some rustling noises
in the bushes, thinking it might be a wild animal he was ready
to ...
1 Comments, 76 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score |
|
An Ostrich Story 5/8/2018
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich
behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The
man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke, "
and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same, " says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will Be $.40 please" The man reaches
into his ...
2 Comments, 70 Views,
14 Votes
,2.82 Score |
|
funny 5/7/2018
Why did the chicken cross the road? because your dick was
stuck in the chicken!
1 Comments, 6 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score |
|
funny? 5/7/2018
I tried to tell a friend of mine a joke and he said it was stupid!!
I think he is stupid
0 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
Bad jokes 5/4/2018
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's been gettin' choked all day!
1 Comments, 12 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score |
|
It's for the points 5/4/2018
It's always just for the points, yo.
0 Comments, 7 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
An Irish Tale 5/3/2018
An Irish priest named Father O'Malley was transferred
to Texas. <br><br>
<br><br>
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was
a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He
walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of
the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass
lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He ...
1 Comments, 83 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score |
|
A War Story 5/2/2018
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,
Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the
priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man
said: <br><br>
"Father. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish
woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door
and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic." ...
0 Comments, 62 Views,
10 Votes
,3.78 Score |
|
funny joke 5/1/2018
chinese man rings boss “me no work I sick” boss says
“when im sick I f*ck my wife try that” 2 hours later chinese
man rings back “me better, you got nice house
0 Comments, 17 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
THE Talk 4/26/2018
A father asked his 10-year old if he knew about the birds
and the bees. <br><br> “I don’t want to know, ” the said, bursting
into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” <br><br>
Confused the father asked what was wrong. <br><br>
The boy sobbed. “When I was six, I got the “there’s
no Easter Bunny speech. At seven, I got the “there’s ...
1 Comments, 56 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score |
|
hand some 4/25/2018
When three people have sex, it's called a threesome.
When two people have sex, it's called a twosome. Now
I understand why they call you handsome.
2 Comments, 40 Views,
18 Votes
,5.03 Score |
|
For a woman, why is sex with a man like a blizzard? 4/23/2018
For a woman, why is sex with a man like a blizzard? She never knows how deep it's going to get, nor how long
it is going to last!
2 Comments, 13 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score |
|
Difference between a good girl and a nice girl. 4/23/2018
Difference between a good girl and a nice girl: A nice girl goes home and then goes to bed. A good girl goes to bed and then goes home!
1 Comments, 7 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score |
|
Difference between a good girl and a nice girl. 4/23/2018
Difference between a good girl and a nice girl: A nice girl knows it's hard to be good. A good girl knows it's got to be hard to be good!
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Difference between a good girl and a nice girl. 4/23/2018
Difference between a good girl and a nice girl: A nice girl knows it's hard to be good. A good girl knows it's got to be hard to be good!
0 Comments, 4 Views,
4 Votes
,0.92 Score |
|
funny or not? 4/23/2018
My wife asked for chap stick but I accidentally handed her
superglue, she still isn't talking to me.
1 Comments, 7 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
funny or not? 4/23/2018
My wife asked for chap stick but I accidentally handed her
superglue, she still isn't talking to me.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
huge penis!! 4/22/2018
The man with a 25 inch penis. A man who had a 25 inch long penis
went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument
and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor, "
he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything
you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically
, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who
may ...
4 Comments, 100 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score |
|
think about this for second 4/22/2018
A garden is just a zoo for plants ....hmmmm <br><br>
Show me your boobs!
1 Comments, 11 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
midgit 4/22/2018
what do you call a mexican midgit a paragraph too short too
be a essay
1 Comments, 17 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score |
|
free service 4/21/2018
once Mr. Paul wanted to buy health insurance, at the age
of 70, he rang up health i9nsurance co., to send their agent
to his home. After, having discussed all the illness, critical
illness, accident cover, he started with the leg pulling.
Paul: do you cover the Penis, as well, in the health policy.
Agent: Yes Sir, we do. Paul: will you replace the penis, in the event of damage
or failure. ...
1 Comments, 59 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score |
|
pokers 4/20/2018
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? <br><br>
A: So you don't poke your eye out.
4 Comments, 20 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score |
|
pokers 4/20/2018
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? <br><br>
A: So you don't poke your eye out.
1 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
|
pokers 4/20/2018
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly? <br><br>
A: So you don't poke your eye out.
0 Comments, 4 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
boobies 4/20/2018
Q. What did saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? <br><br>
<br><br>
A. "If we don't get some support here people are
going to think were nuts." <br><br>
<br><br>
2 Comments, 20 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score |
|
funny? 4/19/2018
who has funny jokes? need some laughter.
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
funny??? 4/19/2018
what the difference between an arborist and a gynecologist?
<br><br>
<br><br>
looks at trees the other bushes!!!
0 Comments, 5 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score |
|
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South! 4/18/2018
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South! <br><br>
Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having
a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
<br><br>
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich,
began to cough. <br><br>
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real
distress. <br><br>
One of ...
2 Comments, 59 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score |
|
A Bar Bet 4/17/2018
An Aussie drover walks into a bar with his pet crocodile
by his side. <br><br>
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's
mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close
his mouth for minute. 'Then he'll open his
mouth and I'll remove my unit unathed. In return
for ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score |
|
4/15/2018
Why are you in this particular line of work?' A sociology
researcher asked the massage-parlor girl. <br><br>
'I'm trying to pay back this loan shark named Paul
something or other, she said... So I'm literally rubbing
peters to pay Paul.'
0 Comments, 27 Views,
14 Votes
,3.62 Score |
|
Cat and a Rooster 4/15/2018
There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were
famished, looking for any food they could find, but to no
avail. Later on, the rooster finds himself focusing upon
a worm, inching its way nearby. The rooster then proceeds
to chase and then pounce on the worm, eating it quickly.
Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in pure satisfaction.
<br><br>
The cat looks at the ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score |
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When you think you're alone... 4/14/2018
...but your pets are watching. <br><br>
https://BookofSex.com.com/blog/724440/post_4090235.html
1 Comments, 26 Views,
10 Votes
|
|
Irish Pubs 4/14/2018
"As good as this bar is, " said the Scotsman,
"I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's
a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes
out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll
buy the fifth drink." <br><br>
"Well, Angus, " said the Englishman, "At
my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score |
|
A Blonde Cowboy 4/14/2018
A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street
and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing
on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him
for indecent exposure. <br><br>
As he is locking him up, he asks, “Why in the world are you
walking around like this?” <br><br>
The cowboy says: “Well it's like this Sheriff, I
was ...
1 Comments, 54 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score |
|
sales 4/14/2018
A woman goes into a adult toy shop to buy a dildo. She sees
one behind the counter and tells the salesman, "I
want that one!" <br><br>
He replies, "It's not for sale." <br><br>
The woman says, "Please I want that one, " again
he says it's not for sale. <br><br>
The woman says, "I'll give you a hundred dollars
for ...
0 Comments, 56 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score |
|
smart 4/13/2018
Teacher, "Tell me the difference between a Callgirl,
Girlfriend and Wife?" <br><br>
The whole class was silent.. till little Johnny put his
hand up and answered: <br><br>
"Prepaid, Postpaid and Unlimited."
4 Comments, 39 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score |
|
rubber penis 4/13/2018
at the airport, Customs officer finds a rubber penis in
a lady's handbag and asks, " Are you married?"
lady: Yes <br><br>
Officer: "Then why this?" <br><br>
Lady: "You've landline at home ?" <br><br>
Officer: Yes <br><br>
Ladyquot;Then why do you carry a mobile?" <br><br> ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
9 Votes
,4.07 Score |
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She wanted gentlemen damit....hahaha 4/12/2018
A 60 something year old woman was aggravated and bored due
the serious lack of attention from men. So she get's
online, finds the famous hookup site [for sex] and proceeds
to fill out her profile... <br><br>
"Mmmm", she wonders, "What should I use
for picture"? < <br><br>
She stands up, runs to her bedroom , finding her digital
camera, carefully ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
20 Votes
|
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salesman 4/12/2018
The salesman is using sex to sell me a CD er, giving me
pressure about my love life. 'Mr. Mercurio, it's
a CD er carousel model. You load all of your
CDs into this baby -- you're with your woman, you're
gonna make love -- you press ", " you can
go all night. ' And I'm like, 'You know, Mr. Salesman, I'm
not really a CD man. You got something that s ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
11 Votes
,2.61 Score |
|
sale 4/12/2018
Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores
on President's Day? <br><br>
A: All pants half off.
1 Comments, 12 Views,
5 Votes
,4.45 Score |
|
good ole days!! 4/12/2018
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down
to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires
a and takes her up to the room. He's going
at it as best as he can for a guy his age and asks, "How
am I doing?" <br><br> The says, "Well, sailor, you're
doing about knots." <br><br> "How's that?" he asks. ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score |
|
...... and then the fight started... 4/12/2018
A guy is watching TV when his wife walks in and asks what's
on the TV? The guy says "Dust!" ..... and then
the fight started. <br><br>
A wife was hinting about what she wanted for her upcoming
anniversary. She Said, "I want something shiny
that goes from 0 - 180 in about 3 seconds." So, I bought
her a new a new bathroom ale. ...and then the fight started. ...
1 Comments, 32 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
|
sanity 4/11/2018
A mad man saw his fellow mad friend crying by a river side.
He sat down beside him and asked: “Why are u crying?"
The other replied: “I put a cube of in this
river, but when I tasted, I felt nothing. It's not sweet!" The mad
man blew up with laughter and said: "You!
You are really very mad! Did you stir it?" ...
1 Comments, 26 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score |
|
AT THE HOSPITAL 4/10/2018
How to you find the head nurse?............................................................................................................................................................................................Look
for the one with dirty knees....
1 Comments, 16 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score |
|
Random post don’t read 4/4/2018
Rabble babble hctvdhdd. Tvthg fr h h g e h f g g h he g hhh g
1 Comments, 17 Views,
11 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
The Lion Tamer 4/4/2018
A ringmaster runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show
up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other
is a gorgeous blonde in her mid-twenties. <br><br>
The ringmaster tells them, "I'm not going to
sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last
tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.
Here's your equipment -- chair, a ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
16 Votes
,3.57 Score |
|
Joke #2 4/2/2018
Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in
five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?" <br><br>
Me: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is
in listening."
0 Comments, 32 Views,
11 Votes
,1.11 Score |
|
Joke 4/2/2018
Q. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? <br><br>
A. Because he just couldn't see himself doing it.
1 Comments, 20 Views,
13 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
guess the jokes!!! 3/31/2018
whats worse than finding a worm in ur apple? amp; Finding a snake!!! <br><br>
who was the roundest knight at the banquet? Sir "CUM"frence !!! <br><br>
working for a drogon is cool! unless... u get Fired!!! what did round tess say to larger tickles? <br><br>
we are a giant tesstickles... (testicals)
1 Comments, 24 Views,
15 Votes
,1.45 Score |
|
Heaven 3/21/2018
God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking,
drinking and unmarried sex if she wants to get into Heaven.
<br><br>
The woman said she would try her best. God visited the woman
a week later to see how she was getting on. <br><br>
"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given
up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff
out of the ...
5 Comments, 118 Views,
27 Votes
,5.03 Score |
|
Tell if she's a Virgin 3/19/2018
A fellow talking to his friend says, "How can I tell
if my girl is a virgin?" <br><br>
Friend tells him, "You have to wait till your wedding
night, you show it to her and ask what it is. If she calls it
a penis, she's a virgin. If she says it's a cock,
she's been around." <br><br>
So the guy gets married, and in the hotel room he flips it ...
7 Comments, 152 Views,
32 Votes
,5.68 Score |
|
Turkey Tattoo 3/19/2018
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, and asks for a turkey
on her right inner thigh and a Christmas Tree on her left
inner thigh. <br><br>
The tattoo guy looks at her and says, "If you don't
mind me asking, why do you want those tattoos in those spots?"
<br><br>
The woman looks at him and replies, "My husband is
always complaining he has nothing to eat ...
5 Comments, 71 Views,
19 Votes
,4.18 Score |
|
Biker Sex 3/19/2018
Tired of the boring "straights" she'd
been laying, a gal decided she'd find out if bikers
were really the heavy "cocksmen" that she heard
they were. <br><br>
So she picked up a gigantic biker and went with him up to his
pad. Stripped and ready, anxiously awaiting some real
action, she was astonished to see that his fully erect dick
was only two inches long. ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
21 Votes
,3.50 Score |
|
The Hit Man 3/19/2018
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole
of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag
called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner
didn't turn up." "Sure, " they said, "You're welcome."
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company
of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends ...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
20 Votes
,4.78 Score |
|
Another work of art 3/18/2018
[Fart] The worlds can be one together Cosmos without hatred Stars like diamonds in your eyes The ground can be space (space, space, space, space) With feet marching towards a peaceful sky All the Moonmen want things their way But we make sure they see the sun Goodbye, Moonmen We say goodbye, Moonmen Goodbye, Moonmen Goodbye, Moonmen Oh, goodbye <br><br>
[Fart] Cosmos without hatred ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
breast 3/18/2018
how much calcium is there in woman's breasts? <br><br>
answer: its enough to help a man's boneless thing stand
up!!!
1 Comments, 13 Views,
9 Votes
,3.00 Score |
|
rooster 3/17/2018
why don't roosters wear underwear? Because there peckers are on there face!!
0 Comments, 17 Views,
14 Votes
,1.38 Score |
|
rooster 3/17/2018
why don't roosters wear underwear? Because there peckers are on there face!!
0 Comments, 10 Views,
10 Votes
,2.39 Score |
|
condoms 3/15/2018
Q. Why are condoms transparent? <br><br>
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the ene even if their
entry is Restricted!
0 Comments, 22 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score |
|
derka derka 3/15/2018
baka la ah derka derka heh
0 Comments, 8 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score |
|
pokes for tokes 3/14/2018
pointless... as i need points rabble babble scramble dabble
0 Comments, 12 Views,
6 Votes
,0.23 Score |
|
Jokes 3/12/2018
How do you stop a rhinoceros from charging? Take away its credit card!!
1 Comments, 19 Views,
16 Votes
,1.80 Score |
|
orgasm 3/11/2018
I said to my girlfriend the other night will you tell me when
you orgasm? She relied that depends. On what? I said If there's a phone nearby she replied.
0 Comments, 28 Views,
12 Votes
,2.27 Score |
|
Funny joke 3/11/2018
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the
pig I've been fucking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
2 Comments, 30 Views,
18 Votes
,2.58 Score |
|
Frenchman, Italian and Irishman 3/11/2018
Sitting around a table in the pub the Italian says. You know
what, when I make love to my wife and she climaxes she raises
her body one foot off the bed. The Frenchman says, thats
nothing when I make love to my girlfriend and she orgasms
her body rises three feet off the bed. Scratching his head
the Irishman says thats nothing, when I finish making love
to my wife I wipe my dick on the curtains ...
1 Comments, 55 Views,
16 Votes
,3.42 Score |
|
A man and his new piece 3/10/2018
A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having
great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles
... Something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why
do you love doing that?" "Because, " she replied ... "I really
miss mine."
0 Comments, 37 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
Couple swap 3/7/2018
John and Ted went away for the weekend with their wives.
After a night of partying, John and Ted diuss swapping
wives for the night. John really liked the idea because
his wife was on her period. They agree to it and decide they
will tell each other it the next morning how it went by tapping
their spoon on their cup for each time they have sex <br><br>
At breakfast the next day, John ...
1 Comments, 78 Views,
13 Votes
,2.14 Score |
|
Never steal a man's beer 3/7/2018
There I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when
a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs
my drink and gulps it down in one swig. <br><br>
"Well, whatcha gonna do about it?" he says,
menacingly, as I burst into tears. <br><br>
"Come on, man, " the biker says, "I didn't
think you'd CRY. I cant stand to see a man ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
14 Votes
,4.42 Score |
|
Dad joke 3/6/2018
What did the dad buffalo say to his when dropping him
off at school....? Bison
0 Comments, 34 Views,
19 Votes
,3.78 Score |
|
Lol 3/2/2018
Why don't you give Elsa balloons? <br><br>
She will "let em go"
1 Comments, 25 Views,
12 Votes
,2.80 Score |
|
Learn to Laugh 2/26/2018
People honestly need to have a sense of humor to get through
life. This is me just ranting but i find humor in anything
(sometimes dark humor) but honestly laughing is one of
the healthiest things for you. telling a good joke is a little
trickey though. a good joke can setup the mood and conversation
for the rest of the night or relationship.
0 Comments, 24 Views,
10 Votes
,2.59 Score |
|
passion junk mail, spam, and scams 2/26/2018
I love this website as a fun place, but talk about jokes:
How about all of the lying messages, fakeprofiles, and
scams that we all receive here. They need their own name.
I am sure that most of you get more of it than I do, and I get
a lot. Vulgarity comes to my mind immediately, but there has got to be a better name for this. Does anyone
have a catchy name they want to share? No one has ...
2 Comments, 55 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score |
|
69 2/24/2018
Guy fancies a 69 with his mrs but she is on her period. After
much nagging she fianlly conceeds and they get down to business.
Half way through they hear the doorbell. He rolles off her
and she says I can't go look at the state of me, Ive blood
all over my legs, well I cant go either he says I have blood
all over my mouth. Dont worry she says if they ask just say
you've been eating a jam ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
15 Votes
,3.74 Score |
|
Looking for Love 2/17/2018
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
Looking for man with these qualifications: - won't beat me up - won't run away from - is great in bed. She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone
perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms
so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So ...
4 Comments, 109 Views,
27 Votes
,4.82 Score |
|
Olympic Spirit 2/16/2018
Happy sporting husband brings Olympic medals home, and
proudly says to wife , "I'm getting a gold again
tonight ". She says "Go for the silver and come second for a change
"
1 Comments, 41 Views,
23 Votes
,5.23 Score |
|
fmf threesomes 2/16/2018
Have you read the new book "FMF Threesomes ...by Sharon
Dick
1 Comments, 36 Views,
17 Votes
,4.54 Score |
|
Is necessary to be an extrovert person in a first date? 2/15/2018
Many people think that to be extrovert o fanny is a good way
for impress your crush, I think it´s just about your personality.
Not its necessary make joks or yes? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
What do you think about this importan aspect?...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
13 Votes
,2.30 Score |
|
Dumb Blond Men 2/12/2018
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did
you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do...it's
for dry hair, and I've already wet mine." ----------------------- A blonde man sees a letter lying on his doormat. It says on
the envelope "DO NOT BEND." He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick
it up. ...
2 Comments, 57 Views,
16 Votes
,4.45 Score |
|
The Bug 2/11/2018
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about
his infidelity, when suddenly the woman reached over and
cut the man's penis off and tossed it out the window.
<br><br>
Driving behind the couple was a man and his 8-year-old .
The girl was chatting away to her father when all of a sudden
the penis splattered into their car windshield, stuck
for a moment, then disappeared ...
3 Comments, 93 Views,
19 Votes
,5.23 Score |
|
Dogs at the Vets 2/11/2018
Two dogs at the vets. 1st says to the other dog 'What
you here for?' 2nd says 'I keep rubbing myself
up my owners leg so he's having my balls cut off'.
'Ooch' says the first dog. 2nd says 'What
you here for then?'. 1st says 'Look at my owner
she's beautiful, perfect beasts, a tight arse, abosolutely
fabulous. Well she was bending over cleaning the oven ...
0 Comments, 81 Views,
15 Votes
,3.90 Score |
|
Dogs at the Vets 2/11/2018
Two dogs at the vets. 1st says to the other dog 'What
you here for?' 2nd says 'I keep rubbing myself
up my owners leg so he's having my balls cut off'.
'Ooch' says the first dog. 2nd says 'What
you here for then?'. 1st says 'Look at my owner
she's beautiful, perfect beasts, a tight arse, abosolutely
fabulous. Well she was bending over cleaning the oven ...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score |
|
cancer and trumpets 2/10/2018
one diseases asks to another "im a capricorn, what
r u?" <br><br>
..."cancer" says the other <br><br>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<br><br>
some girls starts blowing air into a guys di*k during a bj
<br><br>
"what r u doing!" he yells <br><br> ...
0 Comments, 29 Views,
10 Votes
|
|
Talking Pussy 2/10/2018
Do You Know How To Make a Pussy Talk ????? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
Put a Tongue In It !!!!!
1 Comments, 24 Views,
12 Votes
,4.04 Score |
|
sex kitten vs. a bear 2/9/2018
Long time ago. I was having a relationship with someone
I shouldn't, so we were sneaking around. We were staying
at a friend's place in Colorado, very cool, rustic,
fireplaces, make-sure-the doors-are-locked because-there-are-bears
kind of place. We were sleeping in separate bedrooms, but
in the middle of the night I decide, very unusually for me,
to be naughty. So I pschye myself into ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
11 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
happy birthday sex 2/9/2018
So it was my 18th birthday. It was about 12:30am at my house,
and my girlfriend of the time and I were laying on the couch
watching a movie. My family had gone to bed earlier, and
my girlfriend turns her head and says to me "I'm
going to give you your birthday present now". We start
going at it on the couch, and everything's going well.
We're in the spooning position, and ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score |
|
i need a eye patch 2/9/2018
I was doing missionary with my ex while in high school. We
were in the gym and I was so turned on I pulled out and blasted
in my own eye. I turned around because my girlfriend had
this terrified look of embarrassment on her face only to
stare into the angry face of her gym teacher while the spooge
dripped down my eye onto my lip. Yeah that was a great day....
1 Comments, 33 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score |
|
Birds and Bees 2/9/2018
A father asked his 10-year old if he knew about the birds
and the bees. <br><br>
“I don’t want to know, ” the said, bursting
into tears. “Promise me you won’t tell me.” <br><br>
Confused the father asked what was wrong. <br><br>
The boy sobbed. “When I was six, I got the “there’s
no Easter Bunny speech. At seven, I got the “there’s ...
1 Comments, 51 Views,
10 Votes
,5.38 Score |
|
Pussy fart 2/7/2018
What is a man's first thought while he's having
sex with who ever they're doing it with and hear her
pussy fart. Do you stay serious and keep going on. Laugh
and joke a little about it. Cause when I first heard it the
girl was embarrassed and I teased her about it
0 Comments, 20 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score |
|
blow job 2/6/2018
Bloke walks into a bar and asks for 39 gin and tonics. The
barman asks 'What you celebrating?' Bloke says
' My First Blow Job' 'Congratulations'
says the barman 'Have one on the house'. 'No
thanks' says the bloke. 'If 39 Gin and Tonics don't
get rid of the taste nothing will'.
0 Comments, 31 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score |
|
Apples 2/5/2018
A bus driver and a doctor were in love with the same women
<br><br>
The bus driver had to leave for week and before he left
he gave is love 7 apples
0 Comments, 44 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
Three Virginal Daughters 2/5/2018
Woman has 3 virgin daughters which all got married on the
same day in a triple wedding. After the wedding receptions
the mother asks the girls if they could let her know how they
are doing on there honeymoons as they have never had sex
before and she wants to know they are okay. The girls agree
and off they go on their seperate honeymoons. After about
three days the mother receives a postcard ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score |
|
Irish Priest at Confessional 2/2/2018
Father O'Reilly always gave Confession and Father
O'Malley would take the service. This went on for years
until one Sunday Father O'Reilly fell ill and could
not do the normal Sunday Confessional. Father O'Malley
being a total novice at confessional asked Father O'Reilly
what he should say. 'Don't Worry' said Father
O' Reilly I wll write down all the sins and ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
11 Votes
,4.66 Score |
|
Bath Night 1/31/2018
A couple living in a small Minnesota town take on an 18-year-old
girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the
woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom
as such but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. <br><br>
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes
out to bowl, " the woman said. <br><br>
So the young girl ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
13 Votes
,5.66 Score |
|
Oysters 1/30/2018
What noise annoys an oyster?? <br><br>
A noisey noise annoys an oyster!
0 Comments, 9 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
50 Shades Darker 1/30/2018
I tell my girlfriend that I'd like to see 50 Shades Darker.
So she punched me in the eye and gave me a cataract.
0 Comments, 14 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score |
|
Red Indian Boy 1/29/2018
One morning a little red indian boy asks his dad 'Where
Do I get my name from Dad?' His Father replies 'Well
, look at Little River over there. When he was born his
father stepped out of his teepee and the first thing he saw
was a little river running passed his teepee, so he named
his Little River'. 'Silver Cloud over their
was named so because when he was born his father ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
6 Votes
,2.80 Score |
|
Girlfiends parents 1/29/2018
A young lad sees an ad in the paper for bike. He goes and has
a look. Its about 10 old but is in perfect condition.
The boy asks the seller how do you keep the crome so clean.
The seller says 'Always put vasoline on it before it
rains'. The boy buys the bike and is as pleased as punch.
That night he goes over to see his new girlfriend and meets
her parents for the first time. His ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
17 Votes
,5.95 Score |
|
Drunk Oral 1/29/2018
Coming home from the pub drunk a guy fancies giving his wife
oral sex before going to sleep, so he slowly and quietly
walks in to the bedroom. slips under the duvet from the bottom
of the bed and starts to lick the pussy. After a while she
starts moaning and wriggling like never before, eventually
she climaxes and he thinks to himself 'God I was good
tonight' Wanting to brush his teeth ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score |
|
At the Cinema 1/29/2018
I was at the cinema the other night with my girlfriend when she nudged me and said the man next to here was having
a wank. I told her to ignore him and watch the film. But she
said 'I can't he's using my hand!!'
0 Comments, 40 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score |
|
Naughty Girls 1/29/2018
A group of girls were killed in a bus accident and find themselves
outside the pearly gates with St Peter. St Peter says 'Lisa
do you know what a penis is'? 'Yes' says lisa
'I touch one once on its head'. 'ok' says
Peter 'put the finger you touched it with in the font
of holy water and you may enter'. Lisa obliged and went
through the gates. Next was Sally. ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score |
|
Condoms 1/26/2018
The other day while shopping for flavored condoms I came
across some condoms with ribs. What a rip off! When I gave
the blow job, those ribs tasted NOTHING like BBQ ribs! Crazy!
0 Comments, 20 Views,
10 Votes
,1.79 Score |
|
Do You Golf? 1/26/2018
A Minister, a Bishop and a Rabbi were playing golf, when
one of the caddys asked a question that got them thinking and how to respond.
"How do you decide what to give and what to keep....
? <br><br>
They answered this way it is the 10 / 10 / 100 percent rule...
This caused a big debate on how to apply it.... The Bishop
said I draw a circle inside a circle and stand outside this ...
1 Comments, 59 Views,
6 Votes
,2.51 Score |
|
I have a joke 1/25/2018
What do you call a joke you wear around your neck? <br><br>
A pundant!
2 Comments, 22 Views,
12 Votes
,1.21 Score |
|
The Barber 1/24/2018
A guy sticks his head into a barbershop and asked: "How
long before I can get a haircut?" <br><br>
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and
said: "About 2 hours." <br><br>
The guy left. <br><br>
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and
asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?" ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score |
|
Email 1/23/2018
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking
for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll
keep her busy.
0 Comments, 13 Views,
9 Votes
,2.78 Score |
|
. 1/23/2018
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking
for some action!" I've sent her my ironing, that'll
keep her busy.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score |
|
I farted in a lift once 1/23/2018
It was wrong on so many levels
0 Comments, 17 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score |
|
Mormon Cowboy 1/22/2018
One day, a cowboy and his wife, from Texas, recently relocated
to Utah. This cowboy finds his local watering hole, has
a seat and orders three beers. After several visits, and
ordering three beers, he gets to know some of the regulars.
One day, the bartender asks, "Why do you always order
three beer?" The cowboy responds, "You see, I have a brother in
the Army stationed in Iraq ...
0 Comments, 67 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score |
|
A Barbie from Santa 1/20/2018
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn,
she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, 'What
would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'? <br><br>
The little girl replies, 'I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.
<br><br>
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, 'I
thought Barbie comes with Ken'. <br><br> ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score |
|
Athlete of the Year 1/20/2018
Not really a joke.. but it really is.. <br><br>
Did you hear about this athlete? <br><br>
He was so fast he won first and third place in a jack off contest!!! <br><br>
Lol. [ had to be a young man ]...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score |
|
YOU DONT HAVE TO BE A PILOT TO FLY IN THE ROYAL AIR FORCE 1/12/2018
.... said their recruitment banner. <br><br>
So you can imagine my utter shock and indignation of being
forcibly frogmarched (at gunpoint no less!) from the cockpit
of one of their Euro-fighter Typhoons before I could work
out how to start the engine....
0 Comments, 36 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score |
|
Failing to stop for the police 1/11/2018
Driving home a man sees a police car behind him put on his
blue lights and he floors it, hoping to get away. His car
is fast but after a few miles realises he just isn't
going to shake his pursuer and finally yields. <br><br>
The police officer wearily walks over to the stopped vehicle
and tells the driver. "I've had a long day, there's
a mere 5 minutes before my ...
1 Comments, 89 Views,
17 Votes
,6.10 Score |
|
Pretty funny 1/9/2018
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket
and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" <br><br>
The woman looked puzzled. "Why do you want to talk
to me?" she asked. <br><br>
"Because every time I talk to a woman with beautiful
tits like yours, my wife appears out of ...
4 Comments, 60 Views,
15 Votes
,4.36 Score |
|
A funny one 1/9/2018
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E and F are the letters
used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't
figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time
you became informed: <br><br>
A ... Almost Boobs B ... Barely there. C ... Can't Complain! D ... Damn! DD... Double damn! E ... Enormous! F ... Fake
2 Comments, 26 Views,
11 Votes
,3.17 Score |
|
Humor for the day 1/9/2018
This morning I was beaten up by a big breasted woman in an
elevator. <br><br>
I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you
please press 1, please?" <br><br>
So I did. <br><br>
I don't remember much after that.
0 Comments, 25 Views,
11 Votes
,5.04 Score |
|
Boob time 1/9/2018
I was telling a girl I met in a bar last night about my uncanny
ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling
her boobs. <br><br>
"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."
<br><br>
After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.
<br><br>
"Come on, " she demanded, "What day was
I born on?" ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score |
|
Size matters 1/5/2018
As I dropped my trousers and slid my boxers down she exclaimed
"Ere, ain't you got a small organ" <br><br>
I looked up at her, spread-eagled and without breaking
my stride replied "I didn't realise I was expected
to play in a Cathedral" <br><br>
-------- <br><br>
She asked "and who do you think you're going to
please with ...
2 Comments, 88 Views,
13 Votes
,3.14 Score |
|
How Adam Got Eve 1/4/2018
Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very
lly. <br><br>
So, God asked him, “What's wrong with you?” <br><br>
Adam said he didn't have any to talk to. <br><br>
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that
it would be a woman. <br><br>
He said, “This pretty lady will gather food for you, she
will cook for ...
3 Comments, 66 Views,
13 Votes
,4.49 Score |
|
funny 1/3/2018
what did the postitude say to the rooster any cock will do
lol
5 Comments, 30 Views,
16 Votes
,0.04 Score |
|
Why doesn’t Santa Claus have ? 1/3/2018
He only comes once a year.
1 Comments, 17 Views,
11 Votes
,2.05 Score |
|
Doctor Who 1/1/2018
There was a soldier in Nam that was famous for his socializing.
After about a year, he noticed a problem with his friend
and went in for a checkup. They had never seen anything quite
like the problem he had, but treated him with the usual meds
for social diseases. After the usual amount of time, they
noticed that the problem had not g away, but had gotten
worse. They decided to send him to a ...
0 Comments, 69 Views,
11 Votes
,3.17 Score |
|
Looney Tunes 12/30/2017
Q: What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick? <br><br>
A: Fucks Funny
0 Comments, 12 Views,
9 Votes
,1.07 Score |
|
Frank and Wally 12/29/2017
Two hobos, Frank and Wally were walking through the rail
yard one morning when Frank said "Yesterday was a
lucky day for me. I found a $20 bill laying on the ground by
the tracks." Then Wally said "That is lucky but not near as lucky
as I was last week. I was walking down the tracks and saw a
woman tied to the tracks. So of course, I untied her and then
we proceeded to make love ...
4 Comments, 93 Views,
20 Votes
,3.64 Score |
|
Sex at 79 12/28/2017
I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that
I can have sex at 79. I'm so happy, because I live at number
71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's even on the same side of the street. I don't
even have to cross the road!
0 Comments, 31 Views,
13 Votes
,2.98 Score |
|
Senior Dating 12/27/2017
Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are
talking: <br><br>
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for
a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted
to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
<br><br>
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7 pm, dressed like such a gentleman ...
1 Comments, 75 Views,
13 Votes
,2.98 Score |
|
why did the chicken cross the playground... 12/27/2017
to get to the other slide....lololol
1 Comments, 18 Views,
10 Votes
,1.39 Score |
|
mike 12/27/2017
Little mike was sitting on a park bench munching away from a big box of chocolates. <br><br>
<br><br>
An older man, sitting on the bench across the way, says "Y'know,
, if you keep eating those chocolates that way you're
going to get fat, and acne, and bad teeth". <br><br>
<br><br>
Little mike says "Y'know, sir, my ...
2 Comments, 58 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score |
|
Stop Masturbating 12/25/2017
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much, " the
optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make
me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's
making the other patients very uncomfortable."
1 Comments, 45 Views,
20 Votes
,5.55 Score |
|
Little Sally 12/25/2017
Little Sally came home from school with a proud smile on
her face. She told her mom, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy
today." Before mom could raise a concern sally said, "It reminded
me of a peanut..." With a secret smile mom asked, "Was it really small?"
Sally replied, "No... really salty!
2 Comments, 49 Views,
19 Votes
,6.03 Score |
|
pregnancy success 12/25/2017
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many
times you got fucked to achieve it!!
1 Comments, 29 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score |
|
Ice Cream Challenge 12/24/2017
There was this new ice cream parlor in my neighborhood,
and they put up this sign, "We have ANY flavor of ice
cream!" Well, I couldn't walk by that store too
many times before taking up a challenge like that. <br><br>
So I go in and ask, "You got any pussy flavored ice cream?"
And the guy smiles and hands over a sample scoop of pussy-flavored
ice cream. ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
12 Votes
,4.74 Score |
|
magic dildo 12/19/2017
One day a sexually unsatisfied wife went into a porn store.
She told that man behind the counter that her husband just
couldn't get her to orgasm and wans't very pleasing
at all. The man suggested toys, dildos, and viberators. Apparently
she had already tried all those things and they still didn't
work. The man went to the back of the store and came back holding
an old wooden box. ...
1 Comments, 90 Views,
17 Votes
,4.40 Score |
|
Payback 12/18/2017
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said
to his wife, “Perhaps we should start washing your clothes
in ‘Slim Fast’. Maybe it would take a few inches off
of your butt!” <br><br>
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simple could
not let such a comment go unrewarded. <br><br>
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his ...
0 Comments, 79 Views,
14 Votes
,3.62 Score |
|
SNOW!! 12/15/2017
What do you a snowman in the Sahara ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score |
|
Medieval Times 12/13/2017
In days of old When knight were bold And rubbers weren't invented. They stuck a sock Around their cock And babies were prevented.!
4 Comments, 46 Views,
14 Votes
,2.66 Score |
|
Old lady in a pawn shop 12/11/2017
So there's this old lady visiting a pawn shop looking
for antiques. As she is walking around there's a parrot
at the front desk that keeps mouthing off at her, calling
her a cunt and an old bitch, etc. After 4 or 5 times walking
by and being offended, she asks the clerk how much for the
parrot. Shocked, the clerk warns her that the previous
owner had taught the bird pretty much only ...
1 Comments, 84 Views,
12 Votes
,3.68 Score |
|
Old lady in a pawn shop 12/11/2017
So there's this old lady visiting a pawn shop looking
for antiques. As she is walking around there's a parrot
at the front desk that keeps mouthing off at her, calling
her a cunt and an old bitch, etc. After 4 or 5 times walking
by and being offended, she asks the clerk how much for the
parrot. Shocked, the clerk warns her that the previous
owner had taught the bird pretty much only ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
|
Old lady in a pawn shop 12/11/2017
So there's this old lady visiting a pawn shop looking
for antiques. As she is walking around there's a parrot
at the front desk that keeps mouthing off at her, calling
her a cunt and an old bitch, etc. After 4 or 5 times walking
by and being offended, she asks the clerk how much for the
parrot. Shocked, the clerk warns her that the previous
owner had taught the bird pretty much only ...
0 Comments, 14 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score |
|
Mickey/Minnie divorce 12/10/2017
Mickey and Minnie are sitting in divorce court. The judge
is flipping through the paperwork and says: "Mickey,
I don't usually ask questions like this but you guys
are such a high profile couple, I have to know; it says here
that you're divorcing Minnie because she's weird.
Can you explain?" Mickey looks up at the judge and says: I didn't say she
was weird, I said ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
12 Votes
,4.92 Score |
|
What's the difference.... 12/10/2017
Q:What's the difference between three cocks and a
joke? A:Your mom can't take a joke!
0 Comments, 5 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score |
|
What's the difference.... 12/10/2017
Q:What's the difference between three cocks and a
joke? A:Your mom can't take a joke!
1 Comments, 11 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score |
|
Good Jokes or bad 12/10/2017
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball <br><br>
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed. <br><br>
Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor. <br><br>
Why does ...
1 Comments, 23 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score |
|
Good Jokes or bad 12/10/2017
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball <br><br>
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed. <br><br>
Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor. <br><br>
Why does ...
1 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score |
|
Please Be Considerate 12/8/2017
Can I just ask every for a big favor? Those of you who are
planning to place Christmas lights in their yards, can
you please avoid anything that is red or blue and flashing?
Every time I drive, I think it's the police and get panic
attacks. I have to take my foot off the accelerator, toss
my wine, fasten my seat belt, throw my ph on the floor,
and push the gun under the seat. It's a big ...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score |
|
The Board Meeting 12/7/2017
All the members of the company's Board of Directors
were ed into the Chairman's office, after
another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting
outside.Finally it was his turn to be summd. Ted entered
the office to find the Chairman and the other Directors
seated at the far end of the boardroom table.Ted was instructed
to stand at the other end of the table, which he did. ...
1 Comments, 81 Views,
12 Votes
,4.04 Score |
|
pen 12/1/2017
As a nurse working in a busy hospital I am always losing my
pens. I got into the habit of sticking pens behind my ear
so I didn't lose them as quickly. day I reached up
for my pen and lo and behold I had a rectal thermometer behind
my ear! I nearly had a nervous breakdown when I stated, "Some
asshole has my pen!"
2 Comments, 39 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score |
|
Postive Attitude 11/30/2017
A Navy fighter pilot during an aerial skirmish over North
Vietnam got tagged by a surface to air missile. The panel
lights up with a myriad of warning signals and s for
an immediate ejection. The pilot fighting for coniousness
manages to arm the ejection system and exits the aircraft.
Upon regaining coniousness he finds himself in a hospital’s
ICU with tubes stuck in most of his body orifices, ...
3 Comments, 109 Views,
20 Votes
,4.53 Score |
|
Senior Logic 11/30/2017
I went to the liquor store this afternoon on my bicycle and
bought a bottle of Irish whisky. I put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell
off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank the bottle
before I cycled home. It turned out to be a very good decision
because I fell off my bicycle times on the way home!
0 Comments, 34 Views,
8 Votes
,3.01 Score |
|
pay attention 11/30/2017
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever
listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have
to say. Doctor: Next please!
0 Comments, 22 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score |
|
broken finger 11/30/2017
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever
I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really
hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead,
it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you
- you've broken your finger!"
0 Comments, 22 Views,
10 Votes
,2.79 Score |
|
funny 11/29/2017
what did the hen say to the postidude my cock bigger lol
0 Comments, 8 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score |
|
The Number Two Pencil 11/28/2017
Carol was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually
she slept through class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called
on her while she was sleeping in class. 'Tell me Carol,
who created the universe?' When Carol didn't
stir, but little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind
her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. 'God
Almighty!' shouted Carol. The Nun said, ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
13 Votes
,5.49 Score |
|
funny 11/27/2017
knock knock who there dr who how did u guess lol
0 Comments, 8 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
adult jokes 11/24/2017
Adults jokes create a gud humur and if you are telling these
dirty jokes to a girl some times they feel very shy or sometime
very bold what they think internaly or they also want to listen these type of jokes ?
1 Comments, 18 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score |
|
funny 11/20/2017
what did the banana say to the vibatior why are you shaking
shrs going to eat me
1 Comments, 15 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score |
|
Political Correctness For Men 11/20/2017
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
America , Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians
will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'
<br><br>
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS. <br><br>
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: <br><br>
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed
a ...
1 Comments, 48 Views,
13 Votes
,3.81 Score |
|
Political Correctness with women 11/20/2017
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: <br><br>
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She
is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN. ' <br><br>
2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE..' <br><br>
3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..' ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score |
|
Old Couple 11/20/2017
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them
remember Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up
from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?'
he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ...
2 Comments, 87 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score |
|
Two Women 11/19/2017
1st woman: Hi! Wanda. <br><br>
2nd woman: Hi! Teri. How'd you die? <br><br>
1st woman: I froze to death.. <br><br>
2nd woman: How horrible! <br><br>
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from
the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died
a peaceful death. What about you? <br><br>
2nd woman: I died of a ...
2 Comments, 74 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
Frustrated Wife 11/19/2017
The husband was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he
had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was
getting frustrated. The doc checked the man's blood
pressure and other vitals, then after a thorough examination
said he wanted to check with the wife. <br><br>
He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe.
Then he told her to turn all the way around ...
3 Comments, 102 Views,
12 Votes
,3.15 Score |
|
The other day... 11/15/2017
...My girlfriends dad asked me what I did. Apparently,
"your " wasn't the right answer.
1 Comments, 20 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score |
|
Shower thoughts... 11/15/2017
Life is sexually transmitted.
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
the potato 11/14/2017
2 women where picking potatos from a field as one lady picked
up a realy big potato and said 2 the other look this looks
like my hubbies balls and the other lady says is it that big
and the other lady says noooooo its that dirty
1 Comments, 29 Views,
7 Votes
,2.53 Score |
|
the onion 11/14/2017
there was a lady that no one would lick her pussy, the thing
was it smelled like onion she asked alot of her friends 2
lick her but as they went down to lick her the all turn away
, it smelled a lot like onion, so they found a guy that had
no smell so the send him over 2 her place, the next day they
ask him if he lick her and he said noooooo and they asked whyyyy
he said he was cryinggggg 2 ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
6 Votes
,1.37 Score |
|
life 11/12/2017
having a good time and getting to meet someone just breaking
a smile can change everything from joking to letting your
partner of someone you meet get comforble with you. woman
like it when a men smile they feel comfort and fun. when you
first meet someone always smile and always find something
to talk it could be anything dont be a boring person because
that will make her feel that your just ...
3 Comments, 27 Views,
6 Votes
|
|
the pig 11/10/2017
what do u call a pig that knows karate? a pork chop
0 Comments, 7 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score |
|
the menu 11/8/2017
a man had a house and he made it in a house he opens up
4 work, a man comes in the the place and he reads the menu,
blow job on all 4s 50$ bj standing up 100$ bj on the floor 200$
ok he says he reads on from the ass on all 4s 50$ from the ass
standing up 100$ from the ass on the floor 200$ as he reads
the menu he calls the guy that has the house over and
tells him i see in the menu u have bj ...
3 Comments, 77 Views,
11 Votes
,1.86 Score |
|
banana vs vibrator!! 11/8/2017
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's
going to eat.
2 Comments, 17 Views,
12 Votes
,5.10 Score |
|
penis!! 11/8/2017
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders
are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries.
The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman,
because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot,
because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on
the back side. The wife of Chirac says ...
0 Comments, 67 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score |
|
black testicles!! 11/8/2017
A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening
health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and
laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting
you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse ...
1 Comments, 66 Views,
11 Votes
,4.48 Score |
|
memory test? 11/8/2017
how good is your memory? <br><br>
<br><br>
i remember going to the party with my dad and went home with
my mom!!! <br><br>
explanation: daddy went to a party , happym; and then met
mummy happyf;
1 Comments, 29 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score |
|
Skinny-Dipping 11/7/2017
An elderly man in Florida owned a large farm with a nice pond
in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, and he
even fixed it up with picnic tables, horseshoe runs, and
some orange, and lime trees. <br><br>
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond,
as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some ...
1 Comments, 79 Views,
12 Votes
,5.80 Score |
|
donky 11/5/2017
an old couple was siting in a bench and the old man asks his
wife, how long does a donky live? and she looks at him and
says why my love u do not fill good
1 Comments, 25 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score |
|
only 5 bucks 11/5/2017
a man goes 2 a bourthelo and ask the lady working there if
he can have something with 5 bucks she looks at him thinks
about it and tells him he can lick her pussy.he gives her
the 5 bucks and they go to the room she sites on the bed opens
her legs and tells him she ready, he puts his mouth on her
pussy and he starts licking after a few mins of licking he
starts 2 spit and with rubbing his mouth ...
0 Comments, 64 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |
|
Sex Education 11/5/2017
A ten year old boy came racing in the house. “Mom, where
do babies come from?” <br><br>
Mom realizes this is an opportunity to talk to him about
sex. She leads him into the bedroom and has him sit on a chair.
She undresses and lies on the bed. She spreads her legs and
tells him to come closer and get a good luck. She then spreads
her lips and points to her baby channel. ...
1 Comments, 82 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score |
|
Random joke 10/31/2017
*Ill admit, this is a knock off joke I’d heard So a guy has just boarded a plane taking off to Los Angeles
fo a little vacation by himself and as other people are taking
their seats he notices a beautiful woman walking down the
aisle in his direction. He thinks to himself “man, what
are the chances she’d sit near me?” And low and behold
she stops and sits right next to him. The flight ...
1 Comments, 87 Views,
11 Votes
,3.92 Score |
|
where what where who 10/28/2017
right in the pussy
0 Comments, 6 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
where what where who 10/28/2017
right in the pussy
1 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
|
|
The Affair 10/26/2017
A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband
is at work. Her 9 year old comes home unexpectedly, sees
them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s
husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet,
not realizing that the little boy is in there already. <br><br>
The little boy says, “Its dark in here.” <br><br>
The man says, ...
1 Comments, 96 Views,
9 Votes
,4.92 Score |
|
Sunday Service 10/26/2017
During the service, the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation
would like to express praise for prayers, which had been
answered. <br><br>
A lady stood up and came forward. <br><br>
She said, ‘I have a reason to thank the Lord. Two months
ago, my husband Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his
scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating
and the ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score |
|
best joke of all time 10/24/2017
its that time again... sex jokes, normal jokes, crazy jokes
lets hear them <br><br>
whats the best joke ever LIKE EVER
1 Comments, 20 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Titties 10/19/2017
BB))B)You Know You're Getting
Fat when Your woman spends all Night Sucking your Titis.
1 Comments, 14 Views,
6 Votes
,1.94 Score |
|
Titties 10/19/2017
BB))B)You Know You're Getting
Fat when Your woman spends all Night Sucking your Titis.
0 Comments, 2 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Three Men | Three Wishes 10/18/2017
Three men are walking along the beach one day when one of
them suddenly stumbles, looking back they realise he had
tripped on a dusty old lamp half buried in the sand. They
all agree that, since they live in a joke not a pantomime,
nothing would happen if they rubbed it... But also decide
they'd feel sillier walking away from three wishes
than they would for pointlessly rubbing the lamp! ...
4 Comments, 85 Views,
16 Votes
,3.13 Score |
|
...in the bathroom... 10/16/2017
wife brushes her teeth while husband takes a shower behind
the bath tub curtain...she suddenly hears some strange
noises and asks her husbandquot; are you jerking off
there???" Husbands responds: HE belongs to me and I can wash him as
fast as I want...!!!!"
3 Comments, 64 Views,
11 Votes
,5.41 Score |
|
Phone rings 10/10/2017
-Alcoholic Anonymous there? -Yes brother, how can I help? -You are about to save my life brother. How do I make the perfect
mojito?
2 Comments, 25 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
Phone rings 10/10/2017
-Alcoholic Anonymous there? -Yes brother, how can I help? -You are about to save my life brother. How do I make the perfect
mojito?
1 Comments, 31 Views,
9 Votes
,3.21 Score |
|
Would you like to go large with that meal? 10/7/2017
I wasn't sure where I should write this, I think it's
quite fun to bring up the size of my cock on our second date
but I've recently took a moment to think this out again.
It is NOT under average at all, lets just get that out the
way because my cock does have a temper. So, my friends from
back home would have silly competition on who could jack
off the fastest, that one was my worst ...
2 Comments, 55 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score |
|
A priest gets pulled over for a DUI 10/7/2017
A priest gets pulled over for a DUI check. The police officer
can smell the wine on the priest, and he even sees an open
bottle of red wine sitting next to the drive. When asked
If he had been drinking, the priest said "Only water,
officer." With that the police officer pointed at
the open bottle. After looking at the near empty bottle
of wine the priest smiled and said "Oh my ...
3 Comments, 60 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score |
|
Can't Take It 10/4/2017
With all the political correctness these days, it seems
that people just can't take a joke for what it is anymore.
I mean come on people, don't let a joke over shadow common
sense and real decency. thoughts?
1 Comments, 19 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
4 Comments, 84 Views,
13 Votes
,3.81 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
1 Comments, 9 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
2 Comments, 19 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 1 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
1 Comments, 8 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
Woman buys a parrot 9/28/2017
A woman decides to buy a parrot at the local pet store. The
store owner explains the parrot was a rescue from the brothel
that got closed down in a raid and that the bird may have picked
up some bad language there. She takes her chances and brings
the bird home. <br><br>
When she gets home she hangs the cage in the family room and
pulls back the cover. The bird opens his eyes, look ...
1 Comments, 7 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score |
|
A Barbie Joke 9/26/2017
A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn,
she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, 'What
would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas'? <br><br>
The little girl replies, 'I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe'.
<br><br>
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, 'I
thought Barbie comes with Ken'. <br><br> ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score |
|
Another for the Ladies 9/26/2017
Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the
merits of cosmetic surgery. The first woman says, "I
need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."
<br><br>
The second woman says "Oh that's nothing, I'm
thinking of having my asshole bleached!" <br><br>
To which the first replies, "Whoa, I just can't
picture your ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score |
|
Which Hair 9/26/2017
A lady is working hard in her office when a co-worker tells
her that her hair smells good. Immediately, she goes to
her boss and tells him that she has been sexually harassed.
<br><br>
"How?" asks the boss. <br><br>
"He said my hair smells good, " replied the
lady. <br><br>
"Wouldn't you take that as a compliment?" ...
1 Comments, 70 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score |
|
Paid for sex 9/25/2017
A man comes home after a hard days work, only to find his wife
of 20 years packing a suitcase of clothes and personal items.
He asks, "What's going on?" His wife replies,
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I heard I can get paid
$800.00 for sex." The man's eyes get big and he immediately grabs his
suitcase and starts packing it with clothes. "What do you think ...
2 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score |
|
Ice Cream 9/24/2017
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parkour.
<br><br>
Slowly and painfully, he pulled himself up onto a stool.
<br><br>
The waitress greeted him, asking how can she can help him.
<br><br>
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. <br><br>
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' <br><br>
'No, ...
3 Comments, 63 Views,
12 Votes
,4.39 Score |
|
Hot Mamma 9/24/2017
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
<br><br>
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the
street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. <br><br>
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
<br><br>
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
9 Votes
,3.64 Score |
|
Pistol 9/24/2017
A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went
to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like
you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself
a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the
two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position.
The man felt the urge to ejaculate and ...
2 Comments, 57 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score |
|
Sex pills 9/24/2017
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband
is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but
warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her
to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night,
she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the
doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great!
I put it in the potatoes like you said! It ...
2 Comments, 47 Views,
7 Votes
,4.06 Score |
|
Blowjob 9/24/2017
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today
we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does
anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!"
Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your
multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, ...
3 Comments, 50 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score |
|
Garage Door 9/23/2017
Garage Door <br><br>
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing
his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. <br><br>
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning
when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
<br><br>
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door,
and walked into his office puzzled by ...
0 Comments, 56 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score |
|
Ice cream 9/22/2017
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't
paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three
ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are
left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher
asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the
shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No,
two, but I like how you're thinking." ...
1 Comments, 41 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score |
|
Mountain dew 9/22/2017
Girl: "Can you use 'Mountain Dew' in a sentence?"
Guy: "Yes, can I 'mount-ain dew' you?"
1 Comments, 11 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
The Aussie 9/21/2017
An Aussie drover walks into a bar with his pet crocodile
by his side. <br><br>
He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished
patrons. 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's
mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close
his mouth for one minute. 'Then he'll open his
mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In ...
1 Comments, 46 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score |
|
jokes jokes 9/20/2017
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal
illness and have only 10 to live." <br><br>
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
<br><br>
Doctor: "Nine." <br><br>
Check out this really funny jokes: http://BookofSex.com.com#ixzz4tDhNPsoL
0 Comments, 18 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
A Vampire’s Nightcap 9/20/2017
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were
passing the morgue? A: Let’s stop in for a cool one!
1 Comments, 18 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
Customer Complaints 9/18/2017
A well dressed gentleman is walking through the airport
with 12 . As he is standing at the gate to board, the airline
representative asks "Sir, are these all your ?"
<br><br>
The man say "No. None of these are mine." <br><br>
The airline rep asks "Well then why are they with you?"
<br><br>
The man replies "I work for the ...
1 Comments, 42 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score |
|
ilove to laugh 9/18/2017
well im a jokester and i love to laugh and cut up in front of
everyone
0 Comments, 3 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
ilove to laugh 9/18/2017
well im a jokester and i love to laugh and cut up in front of
everyone
0 Comments, 3 Views,
2 Votes
|
|
ilove to laugh 9/18/2017
well im a jokester and i love to laugh and cut up in front of
everyone
0 Comments, 0 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Little has nightmare 9/18/2017
A five year old boy wakes up from a horrible nightmare, runs
across the hall into his parents room and gets a full view
of they in the act. That is the last thing he needs to see,
so he screams and runs out of the room. Mom and Dad have a little
chuckle. The mom says "put your robe on and find junior.
At least tell him you weren't hurting me." Dad
goes looking for the boy all over ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score |
|
joke 9/17/2017
guess who I saw today ? everyone I looked at
1 Comments, 5 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score |
|
none 9/16/2017
nothing4
1 Comments, 4 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score |
|
The Accident 9/14/2017
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've
regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember,
but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're
going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything,
however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't
find it" <br><br> ...
1 Comments, 60 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score |
|
Lucky 5 9/9/2017
A 55-year-old man who was born on May 5, has been married
5 years, has 5 , makes $55, 555.55 a year, and who’s
lucky number is 5, receives a phone call from a friend. <br><br>
The friend informs the man that a named Lucky 5 will
be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening.
<br><br>
Excitedly, the man withdraws $5, 555.00 cash from his
bank account, goes ...
2 Comments, 76 Views,
9 Votes
,5.56 Score |
|
in a play 9/9/2017
Boy: “Dad, I got a role in the school play, I play a man who’s
been married for 20 years.” <br><br>
Father: “That’s great, . Maybe someday you’ll
get a speaking part.”
0 Comments, 24 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score |
|
weddings!! 9/6/2017
why do brides wear white at a wedding? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
nah, ,, ,, thats not it!!!! <br><br>
hmmmm, try again!!! <br><br>
because it matches the appliances!!!!!
1 Comments, 24 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score |
|
The boss 9/5/2017
Definition Of A Boss: "Boss Is A Person Who Thinks
That Nine Women Together Can Produce A Baby In One Month"
0 Comments, 11 Views,
8 Votes
,4.64 Score |
|
A question 9/5/2017
What do a pizza delivery guy and OBGyn have in common? <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
They can both smell the goods but can't eat it!!! <br><br>
<br><br>
<br><br>
I didn't write it, I just posted it!!!
0 Comments, 10 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score |
|
The Ring 9/3/2017
A balding, white haired man walked into a jeweler store
this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger
gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special
ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his
stock and brought out a $5, 000 ring. <br><br>
The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more
special.' <br><br>
At that ...
0 Comments, 62 Views,
8 Votes
,6.26 Score |
|
Senior Citizen Sex 8/27/2017
Roger is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. <br><br>
Every night after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind
the home to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long
life. <br><br>
One evening, Mildred, age 82, wanders into the garden.
They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours
have passed. After a short lull in their conversation,
Roger turns to ...
2 Comments, 102 Views,
18 Votes
,6.13 Score |
|
A new vino 8/27/2017
A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted
nights sleep. NEW Wine for Seniors I you not... <br><br>
[] California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grapethat acts
as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number
of trips older people have to make to the ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score |
|
Cowboy Sex 8/24/2017
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite
sex positions: One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo
position the best." <br><br>
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one",
says the other cowboy, "what is it?" <br><br>
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down
on all fours, and you mount her from behind, and ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
11 Votes
,5.41 Score |
|
fun 8/23/2017
why is she farting alot xD
0 Comments, 12 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score |
|
fun 8/23/2017
tell me a joke
0 Comments, 4 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score |
|
funny 8/23/2017
need a killing joke
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
King Me... I got mah keys!! 8/20/2017
I still don't understand what went wrong across the
world after the love died. It was a rough day for everyone
I guess. Nobody really saw it coming but everyone was at
their seat watching. Day after day and even the day after
and the 28 days later it was true ooober reality. I don't
know what really took place but must have been some sorts
of executive decisions if you will. I don't know but
the ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
interest 8/16/2017
a man went to the Lady at the bank counter and asked, how do
you get more interest, when you put in or when you withdraw;
prompt was her reply, the longer you keep inside the more
of interest you get
3 Comments, 52 Views,
14 Votes
,3.30 Score |
|
bike riding 8/13/2017
do you know what they say about girls who ride a bike?
They pedal their ass all over town
1 Comments, 28 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score |
|
going duck hunting 8/13/2017
husband asked his wife to go duck hunting , she always says
shell go, but when its time to go she says no, this time
he says if you welch you have to give me anal sex or a blowjob, sure
enough she dosent want to go , so she starts giving him a
blow job when she says , this taste like shit, he says , the
fucking didnt want to go either
0 Comments, 25 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score |
|
going duck hunting 8/13/2017
husband asked his wife to go duck hunting , she always says
shell go, but when its time to go she says no, this time
he says if you welch you have to give me anal sex or a blowjob, sure
enough she dosent want to go , so she starts giving him a
blow job when she says , this taste like shit, he says , the
fucking didnt want to go either
1 Comments, 13 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score |
|
going duck hunting 8/13/2017
husband asked his wife to go duck hunting , she always says
shell go, but when its time to go she says no, this time
he says if you welch you have to give me anal sex or a blowjob, sure
enough she dosent want to go , so she starts giving him a
blow job when she says , this taste like shit, he says , the
fucking didnt want to go either
1 Comments, 13 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score |
|
going duck hunting 8/13/2017
husband asked his wife to go duck hunting , she always says
shell go, but when its time to go she says no, this time
he says if you welch you have to give me anal sex or a blowjob, sure
enough she dosent want to go , so she starts giving him a
blow job when she says , this taste like shit, he says , the
fucking didnt want to go either
0 Comments, 2 Views,
1 Votes
,1.10 Score |
|
Oil??? 8/10/2017
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come
from???? lol
0 Comments, 5 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
SEX AND THE ELDERLY..... 8/4/2017
The eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical
examination, the Doctor said, "You are in fine shape
for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"
"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband, “she
said.
She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled
out loud:
"Bob, do we still have intercourse?" There
was a complete ...
4 Comments, 131 Views,
11 Votes
,5.60 Score |
|
Nantucket 8/4/2017
There once was a man from nantucket his dick was so long he
could suck it he smiled with a grin as he wiped off his chin
if his ear was a cunt he would fuck it
0 Comments, 19 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score |
|
Joseph 8/2/2017
Hear about the representative that called home, worst
day to come home to talk.
0 Comments, 31 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score |