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OFF TO VEGAS 5/14/2007
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front
porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!',
said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I
just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for
free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then
ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later ...
1 Comments, 148 Views,
7 Votes
,2.79 Score
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BIRD'S ANDS BEE'S 5/14/2007
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when
her walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear,
Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they
go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The looks puzzled so the mother continues, ...
0 Comments, 128 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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The Broken Mower 5/14/2007
The Broken Mower
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something
more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When
I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall ...
1 Comments, 119 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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One more blonde Joke: 5/14/2007
The Blonde and the Shepard
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde
jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days
later, as she was driving around the countryside, she stopped
her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly
creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess
how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The shepherd, ...
3 Comments, 173 Views,
10 Votes
,4.18 Score
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A True Blonde Story 5/14/2007
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high
desert an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating,
was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just
couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform.
It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish
in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it ...
1 Comments, 109 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Blondes and horseback riding.... 5/14/2007
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she
has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the
unassisted and the immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde
begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for
the 's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the 's neck,
but she slides ...
1 Comments, 114 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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3 fears of a combat soldier 5/14/2007
3 fears of a combat soldier:
Chelsea Clinton was talking to a combat decorated soldier
and she asked him the three things he feared most.
He said : "Osama, Obama, and Yo Mama."
1 Comments, 90 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Gotta love blonde jokes..... 5/14/2007
One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please
come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle,
and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks, "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says, "From the picture on the box, it's
a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty
good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him
in the door and ...
1 Comments, 72 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Virgin after first 2 inch. 5/14/2007
A man got married. Couple of days later his wife's old
husband asked him how is the 2nd hand wife. The new husband
replied good as she was virgin after 1st 2 inch
0 Comments, 254 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
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Devil, Hell and Haven 5/14/2007
A Girl Asked a Prist What is Devil Hell and Haven. The Prist
replyed Between My Two Legs is Devil, Between your two legs
is hell, Lock the Devil into the hell you will get haven.
1 Comments, 117 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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" Shadow & X " 5/11/2007
Here I am. I'm not hiding!
ROFLMAO! ...
4 Comments, 123 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
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Lesbian Frogs 5/10/2007
What did the one lesbian frog tell the other lesbian frog?
IT TRUE!!! - we do taste like chicken
0 Comments, 61 Views,
5 Votes
,2.16 Score
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Two Prostitutes 5/10/2007
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the
roof of their car which read, "TWO prostitUTES...
$150.00." A policeman noticed the car, and quickly pulled them over.
He approached the ladies and told them they'd have
to remove the sign. Otherwise, they'd be arrested
and taken to jail. Just then, another car passed by with a sign which read,
"JESUS SAVES." The two ladies asked the ...
0 Comments, 131 Views,
5 Votes
,3.47 Score
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The Bad Donkey 5/10/2007
What if your donkey bit the leg off of my rooster, what would
happen?
You would have a foot of my cock in your ass....
0 Comments, 31 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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TEN HUSBANDS 5/10/2007
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten
husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
"Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that
be if you've been married ten times?
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Care to go upstairs? 5/10/2007
newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being
on their honeymoon.
"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband
asked.
"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors
will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper
thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in
code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left
the washing machine door open' instead?"
...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Grab A Burger 5/8/2007
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no
cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. We're
still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker,
the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the bulding
to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. I'm
sorry, she said, we are now serving lunch.
0 Comments, 108 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Keys 5/8/2007
First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd
locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning
that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to
me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking
exhausted. As he struggled with my door, I joked. Do those
Slim Jim tools come in purse-size? Yeah, he muttered. They're
called keys.
0 Comments, 82 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Laptop 5/8/2007
Problems with my laptop required calling the dreaded company
help line. The service rep, based in another country, did
not speak English very well. So I tried to explain it as simply
as possible. I can't get the computer to work. Ah, I
see he responded. You are unable to transport your computer
to your place of employment.
0 Comments, 74 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Bedtime Prayer 5/8/2007
Before i lay me down to sleep, i pray for a man thats not a creep.
One who is handsome, smart and strong, one whos willys thick
and long. One who'll make love til my bodys twitching...in
the hall, the loo, garden or kitchen.
I pray that this man will will love me til the end and never
attempt to shag my best friend.
And as i kneel and pray by my bed, i look at the wanker you ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Just Fred. 5/7/2007
Just Fred
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed
limit. He asks the man his name. "Fred, " he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred, " the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, doesn't smell alcohol,
and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write
him out a warning instead of a ticket. So the officer ...
3 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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buds and baskets 5/7/2007
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
With this See-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother Just pitched a fit,
Telling her not to dare go out like that!
The tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are
Modern Times. You gotta let your rose buds show!"
and out She goes.
The next day the comes down stairs, and the ...
3 Comments, 204 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
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MY Happinesss 5/7/2007
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life..
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh
and smile.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and
who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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"Cute Containers" 5/7/2007
BIOLOGY MID-TERM
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking amid
term.
The last question was, "Name seven advantages of
Mothers Milk, " worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, who had partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the .
2. It provides immunity against ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Luigi and Virginia!!!! 5/7/2007
Returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride
Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey
to say hello to his friends.
The barber, Giovanni, said, "Hey, Luigi, how wasa
da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for
da train ride down." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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One Wish Genie 5/7/2007
A woman was walking along a deserted beach one day when she
saw an old bottle. She picked it up and while she was rubbing
the sand off, smoke arose from it and a genie appeared. The
amazed woman asked if she got 3 wishes. The genie said, "Nope,
sorry, 3-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one
wish genie. So...what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle ...
3 Comments, 139 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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RALPH & EDNA 5/7/2007
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming
pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly
jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him
out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's
heroic act she immediately ordered her to be ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Are you Kathlick? 5/7/2007
Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest Church.
But, only the Janitor was there.
One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will You baptize ...
3 Comments, 106 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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A Good "Feel" 5/7/2007
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She
spends $5, 000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't
mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32, " is the reply.
"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes ...
2 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
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Man Think 5/6/2007
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other
day. I had not seen her in many years. We has such a great conversation; we lost track of time,
chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy
together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd
be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that
"magic."
Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could ...
1 Comments, 108 Views,
0 Votes
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