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Blogs > 80sbaby71 > Life in the Nursery~ |
Confused
Confused Okay, this may come as a shock.....but I am confused. Okay so maybe not such a shock to those who know me. How do you know whether the feelings that you have for a person are love or if they are just an infatuation? I mean there are times where I tend to question myself and my feelings. I mean, looking back into my past "love life", I tend to "fall in love" very easily. But then my heart gets broken. The guy is either out there looking for a naive girl who is looking for love (duh, me). Or he too thinks it might be something, but then he either gets scared or decides he needs space. I mean I will be honest, I have had a very extensive line of guys that I fell for. I mean in some ways haven't we all? But I think I can honestly say there are only a handful that I would really truly say that I have loved. My first lover, I was 15 yo and he was the older 30 year old neighbor who taught me. We were "together" for about 9 months. Then I had the one I would say was my first true love, I was 16 and he was 21. I fell and fell hard. We were together for about a year. Then while on the rebound I met my husband (soon to be ex). I wonder if the love I had for him was true or maybe something else at the time. Yes I loved him, still do, just don't think it was "love". Then there is now. I have someone in my life that I think I could really be falling for. I am scared. I am excited. And I am confused. I truly want to reveal my true feelings, but I don't know how. How do I know that it is love? How do I know that what he says is true feelings and not a "at the moment" love? I mean like I said, guys will say/do just about anything to get a girl into their bed. I guess in some ways I have gotten a little jaded. I think through the years of having my heart broken , I have closed off part of my heart. I tend to keep alot of my true feelings locked away. I have a hard time telling guys how I truly fell. I tell them what will make them happy. I don't know, so for now I am taking things at a slow pace. I will explore my feelings. I don't want it to be all about sex, if I let sex rule then I don't think I can be true and honest to my feelings. I need there to be more to the relationship then sex. I want there to be that simplicity. Just being able to crawl into bed and cuddle up. Being able to crawl onto the couch and watch tv. Being able to go eat out and joke. Hold hands. As one friend said, "If you feel so comfortable around this person that you can fart, and it is no big deal" then it is true ease. I want that. I want that relationship. I want a friend that I can talk to. A lover that I can explore with. A shoulder to cry on. A confidant. A co-conspirator. My get away driver. A Hyde to my Jeckel. I want the "White ". My Romeo. My everything.. But how will I know if this is him....... |
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4/25/2009 9:45 pm |
If you have to ask yourself, then it probably isn't. Just Another Geek on BookofSex.com
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Please, please don't take this wrong way ... I think you are trying too hard. You feel lonely and that pushes you to try to make so many relationships into 'love' relationships. You do love your friends just as I do. That is a good thing. Friends are the family we get to choose. But when it comes to a man, how do you know it is friend love? You can live without them. You might miss them but you can. Think about your ex. It hurt but you are breathing. The forever, can't live without you love is just that ... the very idea makes you gasp, put your hand on your heart and brings tears to your eyes. Think about losing one of the girls. It's THAT emotion. That OH MY GOD PLEASE! Please let me keep this person in my life. Please Lord, anything but that. It rarely happens overnight. It grows as a person reveals their heart and soul to us. It can take weeks or months or possibly years. I do believe in love at first sight but the true, forever love will grow into forever-ness. The initial love may happen overnight ... you see a puppy and fall in love. But it is the dogs dedication to making you happy, day in and day out that grows your forever love. As you reveal your heart and soul - you allow someone to see your weaknesses and strengths - they love you as you are, with all your faults and attributes. As a man reveals his heart and soul to you, a little at a time, as trust grows, you will grow to love him with all of his weaknesses and strengths. I love you as you are. Silly, happy, sad ... we have laughed together, cried together and talked endlessly. I have held you when you hurt. I am here for you. Life will all work out. Life will be fine. Love will find you. I have faith in you Baby.
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